(Closed) I wish we could postpone the wedding for a year, but its too late :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry!  I don’t really have any advice because I’m not familiar with how PhDs work.  Is there a way he could go speak to his advisor in person about this?

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m so sorry to hear this. Graduate work is always such a pain. Has he phoned his advisor? Maybe that would help. What if he lays it all out for his advisor? The entire “I’m getting married, I’ve moved, I want this done now” speech? I know for me, that was one of the things that finally got me done, a lay it all conversation. Sometimes faculty are clueless that students have, you know, LIFES! If that doesn’t work, can he turn to the rest of his committee? Tell them what’s going on, and ask for their support? If none of that works, maybe a little wedding Zen is needed. Just because things aren’t done doesn’t mean he can’t have a fruity drink by the pool and gaze lovingly at you. πŸ™‚ Good luck! I’m keeping my fingers crossed! 

Post # 5
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

*Hugs*  It will all work out πŸ™‚

Have you spoken to the head of the department?  I would start there and see if they can help.

Post # 6
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m so sorry, I that must be so stressful on you two, especially your Fiance πŸ™ I would definitely go above the supervisor’s head to see what can done; I don’t know anything about the PhD program but that just sounds absolutely ridiculous.

I know the wedding is putting an additional strain financially on yall but maybe in spite of everything going on, it’ll be an escape and a good thing to keep your date and just getaway, even for a week. At this point, you’re only 2 months away and it’s just so close! It might be what he needs, what both of you need and even though all this is going on, you shouldn’t sacrifice everything. You both deserve your big day and your special moment, your honeymoon πŸ™‚ How much is left to pay for? I wish yall the best of luck, *hugs*

Post # 7
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m so sorry! : ( Crossing my fingers that your FI’s supervisor steps on it!

Post # 8
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

OMG ALL I CAN SAY IS I TOTALLY FEEL YOUR PAIN.  My husband and I are in the exact same boat as your Fiance right now.  We are both PhD students and are both hoping to be done this summer but it is very hard to get a timeline set in stone with each of our advisors and commitees.  And it is very hard to line up both of our timelines so we can both move on with our lives together.  Unfortunately it’s looking like one of us is going to have to move before the other and that just sucks.

Anyways, here’s my advice for you.  Your Fiance should have some type of thesis advisory commitee to fall back on.  Most PhD programs require them, and it is these committees that decide when you can write your thesis and when you can be done.  Since your FI’s main advisor has decided to be a douchebag and nonresponsive, he should go to the other members of his committee (or if he doesn’t have other members he should just go to other profs in the dept or the dept chair) and tell them the situation and let them know he needs to have this thesis approved and reviewed but that his advisor has been unresponsive.  Also, the advisor hasn’t responded to emails, so can your Fiance set up meetings with the advisor instead or just barge in his office multiple times a week until he finally does something?  Bottom line is your Fiance needs to be more assertive.  Sometimes email doesn’t cut it with these stupid advisors who think they rule the world.

PM me if you need another grad student to talk to.  πŸ™‚

 

p.s. maybe your fiance can just go and start the new job and work on writing the thesis while he’s there?  Is there any real reason he needs to be on campus to write the thesis?  Probably not.  He can run this idea by the other professors if his own advisor still remains unresponsive.

Post # 10
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Have your Fiance give his advisor a deadline.  Many advisors are up to the last minute procrastinators and only work with hard deadlines.  If your Fiance just lies and says something like “this absolutely has to be done by this day in order for me to take my test to start my job” or something like that then maybe his advisor will really start working on it soon.

And I’m serious when I say he should talk to his committee asap.  The committees are there to help students who get stuck in these awful situations like this where their mentor stops them from progressing.  At least that is what they are supposed to be there for!

Post # 12
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry. I was just having this conversation with my coworker today, about how thesis work is so difficult because you can get so much done by your own timelines but completing it depends on so many other people who are not emotionally invested.

When I was fishing up my thesis my adviser would not respond to me for 10 days to two weeks at a time, not even to acknowledge he got an email. I finally just got other people in the department involved. Granted, it was not ideal, they are all a peer group and it was kind of back handed. When I emailed my adviser questions or chapters to review I would cc my second reader and the department chair. He finally got his butt in gear when he felt accountable to his peers as well.

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