Post # 1
My fiance picked out a lovely yellow gold solitaire ring for me, but I only ever wear silver-colored, mainly semi-vintage-looking jewelry. He seems a little hurt when I bring up the idea of finding a different setting (I love the diamond itself). He doesn’t seem to understand that I can think the setting is beautiful, and yet want one that is more “me.” It doesn’t help that this ring is a bit too small, and I end up taking it off when we’re lounging because it feels too tight. By the way, is it normal to take off your ring? I especially have to at night; otherwise, it hurts. Does anyone else do this?
He doesn’t have a TON of money to buy me a different setting, especially since he keeps reminding me that now we both need to save for the wedding, which we’re paying for ourselves. Also, lately I’ve been feeling like I’d like to keep the original one even if I get a new one. I know it’s kind of silly, but this ring that I never would’ve picked out myself is really special to me– because it’s the one he chose. It makes him feel bad to talk about different settings. The conversation kind of just ended because we got busy doing other stuff. I definitely will want a different one when we get wedding bands to match. And I’ll want whatever is going to be the permanent one before we get our engagement photos taken.
Does anyone have any ideas about how I could go checking out a new setting without hurting his feelings? Do you think I should just stick with the setting I have for awhile longer? Or should I just get used to it for good?
Post # 3
You need a fourth option on your poll for people like me! I chose my own ring and STILL have major ring regret. I could have never known that my white gold, large pear-cut sapphire with diamond halo would end up being so not what I would like as an e-ring, but it feels at various times unsafe, fake-looking, and not the right color for my outfits. Also, I’ve ALWAYS been a yellow gold person, I just love it, but I thought I wanted a sapphire e-ring and don’t like the way sapphires look set in yellow gold. My heart was breaking thinking that I couldn’t have a yellow gold wedding band without it looking ridiculous next to my e-ring. Also, the band is this skinny, plain, white gold thing, but I really love antique, intricate settings. :/
So we’ve decided to save up and buy me a different e-ring, and I’ll keep this sapphire ring as a right-hand ring, just like you sound like you’d want to if you ever replaced yours. A costly decision, but my mom has helped out by agreeing to donate the 18k yellow gold setting from her old e-ring (she lost the diamond a few years ago and my dad bought her an anniversary band, which she wears instead now…the setting sits in her jewelry box, rockless) to our ring purchase. This summer while I’m living in New York I’m going to find a jeweler to recreate this pretty ring I found (with a few minor adjustments to some of its features): http://www.antiquereflections.com/detail.asp?id=610, except I’m going to have 1 1-carat and two .5-carat Moissanite stones set into it, since that’s all we can afford right now, especially since my sapphire ring cost us a pretty penny! Maybe in a few decades we’ll replace them with some near-flawless diamonds, but until then I’ll be happy with my super-sparkly Moissanite set in my dream band!
Good luck on either growing to love your ring a little more or finding some benevolent donor to pay for your new one. 😉 If your fiancé realizes, after that fact that you aren’t entirely at ease with your ring has set in, that it’s never going to make you happy and you’ll be wearing your ring for life, he might come around, as much as it hurts that you aren’t happy with his choice. A suggestion for how to pay for it–look around for contests! There are so many, run by jewelers and their affiliates, where you can win rings. That would certainly help you deal with the cost of getting a new ring. Good luck! And by the way, yes, I think a lot of people take their ring off from time to time. I take mine off quite a bit because the stone is just way too big and gets in the way a lot!
Post # 4
Well, depending on how strongly he feels about it, he’s probably going to be a bit hurt. That’s just kind of the way it is as far as changing up something someone has purchased for you.
I suppose you just have to think about how important this is to you. Personally I might wait it out a bit; settings aren’t free. Just see if it grows on you? That way you both feel like you gave it a chance and tried to be economical.
Though I’ve never heard of someone taking their ring off bc it hurts! Usually if it’s that tight you can’t get it on or off, period!
Post # 5
Have you gotten your ring sized? Tightness is really easily fixable, and if that’s the only reason you take it off, you might want to get it sized so that it’s comfortable and see if it grows on you a bit more easily.
Post # 6
I chose my rings with my Fiance and love them. They are sparkly, yet simple, delicate and practical for my busy/active lifestyle. Plus, I didn’t want to spend much on rings and put more towards the house and traveling plans that we have. However I feel like I have to justify all that to people who look at my rings and expect more diamonds or bigger ones or whatever. I wouldn’t change them, because I did try lots and lots of other, more “conventional” kinds of rings, and they were just not me, didn’t feel right on me. So mine are here to stay, we chose them together, but I wish people were less critical.
With all your jewelry being silver color and him buying a yellow gold that doesn’t match with anything else, I wish he will be able to see that it’s not that his ring isn’t beautiful, but just that it could be better… Anyway you have to do something about the size, so you should fix everything at once.
Post # 7
I chose the last choice – but I love my ring!
I never would have chosen it, and I told J exactly what I wanted, and he didn’t buy it for me. He picked something else instead. But as soon as that ring slipped on my finger, I totally fell in love with it. You know why? Because J heard what I told him, and instead of just doing what he was told, he took thought about WHY I liked the ring that I liked and he found one with similar elements and he picked it out. And he bought it for me. He picked it, he bought it, he gave it to me.
My ring is a symbol of our relationship – it’s not about what I want, it’s about us and what we create and discover together. We know each other’s wants and needs, and we’re finding ways to work them into each other so that we can operate as a unit, instead of two separate entities.
Post # 8
I take off my ring at night if that makes you feel better. It’s the right size and is almost a little loose during the day, but I get hot overnight and my fingers swell a little. I also take it off to do dirty outside work – Fiance actually suggested that. I would check the size on your ring though if it’s always too tight. As far as it being yellow gold I would just live with it – it’s good that you value it because your Fiance picked it. Eventually you can have the diamond reset, but in the mean time I wouldn’t want to hurt you FI’s feelings.
Post # 9
My fiance and I went ring shopping together a bunch of times. He knew very well what style I was looking for, but he found the actual ring himself. I love it, but I do wish I had gotten something I could wear a band with – this ring really doesn’t allow for it.
I always take my ring off at night – I would totally scratch my face up with it while I slept and my hands tend to swell a lot with heat and at night so sometimes it feels a little uncomfortable. If it’s bothering you that much, you should get it sized – it’s an easy fix. Good luck finding a new setting – I think if you explain it to him the way you did to us, he’ll understand.
Post # 10
I would say, wear the one he bought you. I am sure it is a pretty big blow to him if you don’t like it. Could you ask for a less expensive dummy ring in white metal for when you want to match your other jewelry, but use his ring primarily, if only to make him happy?
Post # 11
I chose he second choice, but wish that there were colore stones along with the diamonds. If I would have had any clue he was shopping I would have gone with him to give him an idea of what I wanted, but I still love my ring cuz he spent so much time and put a lot of thought into it. I have to take mine off every night, its got a high setting and my fingers swell when I’m sleeping. He got a free wedgewood box when he bought it, so that and my wedding ring go in there when I”m not wearing them. I got a for now wedding band cuz that’s all we could afford, but once we can save some money, plan on getting a blue and white sapphire enhance band to go with my ering
Post # 12
You could always have the setting plated to be white gold. This could make you both happy! You get a white gold setting and it’s still the original one he proposed with. One of my good friends had this done with a bracelet from her Fiance that she wears all of the time now. And, luckily, it wasn’t too expensive! However, depending on how much you rub your ring on things you may have to get it plated fairly often. Since you’re like me though, and you take your ring off when you sleep/lounge, it may not be too bad. I’m actually doing this with a necklace my father bought me for my wedding day!
Post # 13
I am in the exact same position! I had NO idea that he was ring shopping, or I would have dropped hints. I like the ring he got me because he proposed to me with it, yet I don’t love it and can’t get around the fact that when I see it my heart doesn’t flutter (though it DEFINITELY does when I think about the proposal and him :)). This makes me feel like a bad person! I’d love to just change the setting and keep the stone, but I feel bad. I’ve talked to him about it, and his feelings are a bit hurt, but ultimately he wants me to have something I love, I just haven’t had the heart to make the final decision yet. The ring fits me perfectly, and I’ve had 2+ months for it to grow on me…it just hasn’t. Blah! I want something very similar (a bezel setting instead of a prong setting), but in my eyes different enough that I would love it a lot more!
AnneNM82, I feel you, girl. Thanks for sharing, it made me feel better.
Post # 14
Perhaps you could get your ring dipped so it is either white gold or platinum and then get an engagement ring that is more your style? I would also recommend getting the ring sized so that you don’t have to keep taking it off.
EDIT: I meant wedding band that is your style, not engagement ring.
Post # 15
I take my e-ring off every night to sleep. My hands swell in my sleep and when I have tried to leave it on 24/7, I wake up with my finger swollen and throbbing. So yes, I do believe your finger hurts! You probably will not be happy changing out the ring. Even if you love your new ring, you will always look at it as the ring you swapt “his” ring for. Keep the ring you have, laugh at the story behind it, and eventually ask for an anniversary band to wear as an alternate to go with your white gold jewelery. His ring is the ring he fell in love with for you, or he wouldn’t have purchased it. I would assume he put a lot of time and thought into it. That should be enough to help you through the difficult times that you wish you had a different ring. No one probably can make you feel completely better about the situation, but I hope you feel comfort in knowing you aren’t the only one!
Post # 16
I basically picked out the ring with my hubby, but I wish I had done more research and tried on more rings. If nothing else, I wish I had selected a different centerstone…I would have chosen a rectangular radiant instead of an emerald cut. Oh well, though, such is life!