(Closed) I would like a nicer perspective because right now I’m just BITTER!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
22 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

I can only imagine how frustrated and hurt you may feel. This is your mom. You know a lot more to the history of her marriages than we would so with knowing what I know and reading your frustrastion and hurt. I think its best you just support her by attending and leaving it at that. You are making a decision to marry your Fiance and if someone didn’t approve or wasn’t happy for you, you would possibly pull away from them. Let her know that you wish she felt she could talk to you and share this news in a different way and even share it with other loved ones. But mom I will be there in support and truly wish you and your future husband well.


Leave it at that. You are about to get married yourself and will be focused on your marriage soon enough. These emotions will pass.

Post # 4
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Are you hurt because she’s getting married? because she’s getting married before you? because she’s lying to your family? Based on your initial reaction I can see why she hesitated to tell you. My grandmother is on her 4th marriage and trust me we all rolled our eyes when she got engaged AGAIN. All you can do is be supportive and hope it works out for her this time.

Post # 6
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@BethAnnG: It may be that she’s not trying to downplay the seriousness of getting married so much as she’s trying not to steal your thunder.  She asked you if it was okay to get married, so she was probably trying to guage if you’d feel she was taking away from your day.

As for keeping it casual and lowkey, you did say it’s her fourth marriage.  Even though she wants to get married, she may feel a bit weird and awkward and that’s tempering her plans and emotions.

Perhaps try telling her that you’re happy for her and ask her if she’s downplaying it because she’s afraid of detracting from your event or worried people won’t be supportive since it’s the fourth time.  Give her an opportunity to open up and share her feelings.  Then take it from there. 

Post # 7
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well I think you should support her. Maybe she is down playing her wedding because she doesn’t want to rain on your parade. Or maybe she’s a little embarrassed that this will be her 4th marriage? I know sometimes people can be really critical about stuff like this. I know that if I was going into a second marriage I would scale everything way down, thats just me. She shouldn’t have texted you the news, but you’ve told her how that hurt you so now she knows not to do it again. Its great that your mom has found happiness!

Post # 8
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Actually, I do not see the problem. Is it that she essentially kept you in the dark about this?  I mean they were living together, so getting married isn’t that much of a stretch.  She is keeping it casual and there’s nothing wrong with that. And she is probably doing it all quietly to AVOID “stealing your thiunder”  because Moms are thoughtful like that. I understand her feelings about keeping it low-key as I am planning my third wedding and I am keeping it simple as well. I assume I am probably your Mom’s age (or a bit older) and I kind of just do what I am going to do. I have lost most of any need to consult or inform others of my intentions – even family members.

Post # 10
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@BethAnnG: Honestly If my dad were to tell me he was remarrying (for the 3rd time) I would most certainly feel icky about it. You would think your parents would tell you about their major life changes. It just feels like they don’t want you involved with their new lives if they choose to hide things from you. I get it!

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