(Closed) I would like to address an issue….

posted 8 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You gotta take the good and the bad when you post on a public board like this…. I recommend thicker skin.

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I commented on your thread although I never saw what you originally wrote b/c you had already deleted it. This is what I have to say about your thoughts. I agree that people on this site and I’m sure others will be pretty quick to state their opinions, much more so than they would have in person. In my opinion, girls in general will never say things to your face that they would say on this site. It’s also harder for us commenters to fully understand your tone and/or know all the facts about your situation from a quick two-paragraph summary. 

I’ve learned this the hard way on Weddingbee. I’ve started a thread or two where I felt like I was attacked by the responders and I agree that the ladies can tend to gang up a little, although most seem to be objective. My advice to you (and hooray for staying on WB!!) is to be very careful how you word your posts/threads and include disclaimers all over the place whenever necessary. 

Know your audience. Keep in mind that a lot of us are pregnant, curvy and/or have major body issues, so if you say something like: “I’m worried my pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man will look too fat in pictures” you’re gonna get mutilated. Expect and accept opinions that are different than yours since we all come from different backgrounds and have different values. I personally try to keep an open mind and every once in a while have to brush off some harsh/uncalled for comments (usually from newbee’s). 

Don’t give up, stay with us!! πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I would do the disclaimers.  I feel there are some times when people gang up and some that attack but I have to remember this is a website and not let it bother me.  People have opinions and so naturally there will be some disagreement.

Post # 6
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I understand wanting civility and respect and I didn’t read the thread, so I’ll trust you that things got out of hand. What I don’t understand, however, is the logic that a majority opinion is people ganging up on you. Are only 3 or 4 or 5 people supposed to share dissenting opinions? No one complains when there are 395906438904 replies gushing over something and saying the exact same thing… I get that it can be redundant, but when you start a post you’re asking people to comment on it, you know? I mean this as a general rant about the “attack” attitude on here, not specifically directed at you, because I’ve noticed this sentiment coming up a lot when someone is upset that their post got lots of negative reactions. 

Post # 7
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@Lilyfaith:  There are some threads where the majority of the people will disagree, and because of that others will either go with the majority or refrain from commenting/siding with the original poster.   However, I do agree when people are making posts then they’re asking for feedback.

Post # 8
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

As far as your sentiment goes, I totally agree.  It’s like when people ask what signature drink to serve at the bar and get answers like “well open bar is better…”  Or when people ask how to deal with people’s rude reactions to something they are doing and they end up having to defend themselves rather than getting any suggestions. Or when people say they don’t like their ring and it turns into an evaluation of the strength of that person’s relationship.  I get posting related comments but sometimes people just go in a completely different direction and say things that are just totally uncalled for.  Oh well, that’s the internet, gotta take the good with the bad…

Edit to add- I also don’t know what thread is being referenced, so if any of the above examples are a repeat of the thread, whoops.  lol.

Post # 9
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@beekiss2 – I guess I’m just too argumentative for my own good. πŸ˜‰ If I see a post where I disagree with the majority of responses and I feel it is my place to respond (not a specific forum such as a religious denomination asking for the opinion of other religious individuals, for instance) I’m all over representing the other side. 

I think it just gets annoying because it seems like people expect a cut-off, as if the people who come across the post later in the day shouldn’t get to respond if they’re in the majority, you know?

Post # 10
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I did not read the original thread, but I am sorry you felt attacked. Sadly, with as many people as we have on the boards it is hard to “police” everyone, and we can’t censor everything, either. I am really glad that you decided to stay with us, and hope you won’t feel like that in the future.

Post # 11
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hey and the bright side is…as harsh as some opinions get, sometimes it helps to rethink the issue altogether.  I mean, sometimes it doesn’t, but every now and then someone’s very opinionated comment gets to me and helps me think! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@Lilyfaith:  I usually will try to pick out both the good qualities of each opinion and then make my opinion…but sometimes I’m like “oh hell no…” except not in those words..lol.  Yeah, people should be able to express their opinion in a civil manner.  So I get where you’re coming from.

Post # 13
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

What was the thread?  I guess I can’t really comment without knowing what you are talking about.  In general, I think some posters are snarky, but, what can you do? 

Post # 14
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I did read the thread and comment on it.  I just want to point out that in your original post you said you knew you were being mean.. but then very specifically asked “How can I do this without being mean?”.  Many of us responded directly to that question and let you know that there was no way you could kick two people out of your bridal party without being mean.  I’m really am sorry you felt attacked but I think many of us were hoping that you would realize that what you were planning was not nice, and maybe you would change your mind.  I can not give contructive advice when I completely disagree with what you are doing. 

Post # 15
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ok, I read the thread just now- hm.  If people are going to be honest, they are going to sometimes disagree and sometimes come off as harsh.

About your dilemma- it is against wedding etiquette to unask a Bridesmaid or Best Man to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  So- that is my answer.  That being said, if it is really a problem (I didn’t read your original post-been deleted πŸ˜‰  ), you need to handle it as gracefully as possible.  However, you can’t expect people to agree with doing something that is against etiquette.  I support you doing what you have to do, but it may not make them happy. 

Post # 16
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@JennyChicago- one thing that helps- is- if you want honesty, but not the comments- make a poll.  Usually, if I disagree with something, I don’t comment.  If there is a poll, then I can give honest feedback without risking offense.

The topic ‘I would like to address an issue….’ is closed to new replies.

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