Post # 1
I just got a sick new job with a sick pay packet. Fiance is unbelievably proud of me.
But yesterday we were at a family event for Mother’s Day, and he kept dropping hints about how much money is coming in to the household and I just felt so icky about it. Almost embarassed. Because no matter your intent, any time you hint at having a bit of of money it 100% will come across as braggy. And I know, looking at him, his pride in me would have looked totally arrogant and braggy and I don’t want them to think that he’s this douchey asshole looking down on them for earning a lot less.
I dunno. Fiance has apologised and recognised he needs to reign it in and I know he will never bring it up again. But damage done. Now we look like assholes. Awesome.
Am I just overreacting? I almost feel like apologising to the family. But then, maybe I’m just making too big a deal about it. I just can’t stop thinking about it -_-
Post # 2
sbl99 : I’m sure he was just proud and they should be able to see that was all it was. Especially if it’s very new. My FH doesnt always think of things like that either and sometimes makes comments I think are braggy, but I doubt everyone has the same feeling or picks up the same nuances.
I’d let it ride and if anyone does say anything (that would be equally uncouth) then just state that he is so proud and did not realize how it may come across. Just let it be
Post # 3
Don’t say anything, just make sure it doesn’t happen again
Post # 4
It is incredibly rude to bring up your salary. I hope he understands that it is not just “icky”. Hopefully, this is a lesson and he will learn to hold his tongue.
Post # 5
kmjkh : Agreed. I think any talk of money is rude -large amount, small amount – no one ever comes off a winner. The one earning less feels shit, the one earning more looks like a twat. Negatives all around.
He never stated exactly how much was coming in, aside from talking to a cousin (who is an accountant), when I was asking advice on how to get below the threshold to avoid paying an extra levy come tax time in July ($180k for the housefhold is the current threshold). Fiance implied that yes, our income would be over that. Yes I know it’s contextual, but so awkward. I wouldn’t have confirmed it. I just wanted advice on every little thing I could deduct without getting flagged for audit.
Other than that instance, it was just hinted that the money coming in was a large amount. I just don’t like talkig about money,
Post # 6
It depends on your type of family. In mine, my parents brother and I all talk about money.. I’ve always known my parents salaries and we would discuss promotions, new jobs and the money that comes along with it. My husband has a very good income and he works his ass off.. he’s proud of his achievements, as am I and in a family setting we discuss this and no one takes it as ‘braggy’. I’m a stay at home mum at the moment but when I was working, my family knew what my salary was.
But to each their own.. some people just don’t like talking about it but I don’t think it’s a big deal!
Post # 7
sbl99 : I would stop thinking about it but definitely make sure that he doesn’t brag like that ever again. Fates can change really fast, job loss, sickness, etc etc and you never know what people are going through at home- maybe some of those people are worrying about how to pay their light bill. Some sensitivity training and humbleness would do him well.
Post # 8
Yeah, both sides of my family celebrate promotions and a “fiance just got a new job and a big promotion!” Would have been something to celebrate, but never would we have hinted how much money was coming in. My hubby was very proud of me when I got my new job and promotion, but would have never hinted at how much extra money I was making. As long as he doesn’t do it again, I think its fine. No need to apologize, just make sure you know how him talking about it like that makes you feel. Its one thing to celebrate the new job/promotion, its another to hint at how much extra money is coming in multiple times.
Post # 9
The more you bring it up now after the fact the more attention you are calling to it. Leave it be and now your fiance knows its not something you want discussed openly.
Post # 10
Maybe my idea of salaries is skewed by the mining boom etc but most working couples I know are paying the levy and are on over $180000 combined. It’s a good pay, not FANTASTIC (unless you are very young, then its great) and unless his family are not working or doing it hard, most probably thought the bragging was a bit over the top lol.
Post # 11
ozbee : The awkwardness is – i have just taken on this job this month which doubled my salary, so we’re battling to keep it under $180k for this fin year only (to avoid tax bill). Next year we have no hope as our income will be closer to $300k, but at least we will be paying the levy as we go, rather than in one big hit at tax time.
That’s why I was wanting to keep it under wraps. My mother’s own sister is all about the “humble brag” because of her husbands good fortune in the industry (old mate is a geo-scientist and literally, not even kidding, found an actual gold mine north of Southern Cross), and the whole family resents her for being a tosser.
Do not want to be seen as a tosser.