I'd it possible to have a successful marriage if the couple has nothing in commo

posted 4 days ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
10389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

wifetobee63 :  

Your post just struck me as so endearing.  You two have turned a couple of stereotypes on their heads.

He’s an actor and you’re a school teacher.  Shouldn’t he be the free spirit and you be the serious minded one?

I love this.

Post # 17
Member
2371 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I think it’s pretty normal to have different hobbies. However, I think having the same morals/politics/religion is very important and it sounds like you do.

 

I think a lot of couples can run out of everyday things to talk about. It’s not a bad thing. I actually like to watch older couples in public sit and eat because they usually sit in silence. It’s cute that they just like enjoying each other’s company. 

My husband and I have pretty different interests but we support each other’s interests and try new things together. It sounds like you do that and it’s super important! 

My parents are like that too. My dad is super geeky/nerdy, loves computers, technology and video games. My mom is a total book snob and reads, watches classic movies and murder mysteries. She sits in the family room most of the day watching tv and my dad plays video games in the basement. They eat dinner together and hang out before bed. My mom says they’ve been so long because they allow each other to still be themselves! Haha

Post # 18
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I couldn’t care less about Darling Husband hobbies lol. As long as you get along well in life, no worries.

 

Post # 19
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

My best friend and her husband are polar opposites, personality wise. She’s really outgoing, loud, sporty and outdoorsy, very passionate about what she believes in. He’s very quiet, introverted, placid, hates all outdoor activities. They’ve been together for nearly 15 years and they work really well as a couple. It’s absolutely possible to have a successful marriage whilst having totally different interests. I think it’s about respecting each other and giving each other the time to still do their own thing.

Post # 20
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

Do you have other ways of connecting? Do you have good communication that each of you is happy respecting your time doing your own thing and not expecting change from each other?

Ask him.

Post # 21
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My fiance and I share the same socialist politics, same religious view, and lots of our hobbies overlap: movies, tv, running, podcasts, cooking/eating out, reading, politics, etc. In fact, the only radically different hobbies that I can think of are that he likes video games and I like going to concerts. 

We still run out of things to talk about sometimes. I think it’s very, very normal. Stress stirs up our anxieties, so I’d rest assured that you’re normal, and possibly make a mental note to check in on how you’re feeling once things get back to normal. 

Post # 22
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

wifetobee63 :  My fiance and I have similar political views, plenty of common interests, really everything. It was a priority to find someone I had a lot in common with. And guess what? We have lulls in our conversation sometime, and we’ve only been together for over 2 years. Of course in your relationship for as long as it you’re going to have lulls! I wouldn’t worry too much. As long as you try to make some efforts to check out each other’s hobbies sometimes, you should be fine. Besides, it’s not like you guys are 19 year olds rapidly evolving. That’s when I might worry. 

Post # 23
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

For sure. My fiance and don’t have a ton in common but have been together 8 and a half years and it’s never been an issue. If anything it can be quite nice because we have separate interests which ensures we spend time apart with other likeminded friends fairly often, which I personally think is healthy. We might not share all the same interests, but we like listening to one another, so we always have things to talk about. 

I personally think the only truly important things to have in common in a relationship are morals and values.

Post # 24
Member
6664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

My husband and I have been together 8 years and we definitely have our dull moments. I’d say MOST of our hobbies don’t overlap, but some do. And some we’ve had to work on together. Like my husband is really into craft beer and I, honestly, couldn’t care less. But I’ve made it a point to try and I’ve accompanied him on brewery tours and tastings and learned what I could about beer and whatnot and, truth be told, I’ve found myself having a lot of fun! And it’s not like I disliked beer in the first place so it wasn’t difficult for me to try to enjoy this hobby with him. It’s definitely brought us closer.

But in these 8 years I’ve also learned that it’s okay to not do everything together. I love my alone time and my time away from him just with my friends. Every couple needs that I think. We also have those moments where, as you said, we run out of things to talk about. It happens! I think what you need to learn is how to be okay with these silences. My husband and I can sit together in one room in complete silence and be completely fine. It doesn’t mean we’re angry with one another or unhappy. In fact, we’re perfectly content. That’s just a part of marriage! Married people are boring! 😉 

I think the important thing is that our values and life goals are the same. Hobbies? Eh. Who cares! 

Post # 25
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t personally think it’s a problem as long as core values and life goals align. No one person can fulfill all your social needs anyway. My husband and I have different interests, so I just choose to do certain activities with friends or by myself instead of with my husband. He’s willing to attend a lot of events with me but I know he doesn’t always love my choice of activities even if he’s a good sport about it. We still have some things we both enjoy. Many are simple things like reading in the park, lounging on the beach, going for a neighborhood walk, eating at a favorite restaurant. Not the most exciting perhaps, but are most couples really doing a lot of hobby activities together? 

That said, I’m younger than you and I’ve been with my husband for less time than you’ve been with your partner. While it doesn’t sound like a problem to me, you know yourself best and if you think it’s a more serious compatibility issue for you then don’t ignore it. I imagine that for a lot of people, their 50s-60s+ would be a time when these questions would become more pressing since you’re likely to have more time to spend together than at other points in your life – done raising kids if you had them and potentially nearing retirement and maybe thinking more about the travel and hobbies you’ll pursue in that newfound free time. From that perspective it makes sense that hobbies/interests in common would be more of a priority than for a person in a different life stage. 

Of course, even if you don’t have hobbies you enjoy together now, that doesn’t mean you’re condemned to staying that way if it’s important to both of you. Maybe what you’re noticing is a staleness in your relationship in general; perhaps a 7-year itch, or maybe it’s the strain of his recent surgery and being out of your normal routines. Maybe you need to reignite the spark a bit by signing up for a class together, learning a language together, planning a trip, cooking a new dish together, or reading the same book and discussing it. 

Post # 26
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

It just sounds like you’re in a rut. And after 7 years together I don’t think that’s odd. You should go out and do some things neither of you has ever done and see if you don’t find a couple of things here and there that you both actually enjoy. And if not, at least you’ll mix it up and throw some excitement back into your relationship. 

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