(Closed) I'd love to keep my own name but….

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 3
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bootyful_claire:  My 2 cents: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to keep your own name, but I do appreciate a man’s desire to have you take his name. I can’t imagine why you can’t hyphenate names, and he’ll just have to accept that commpromise. I don’t think many men, regardless of how evolved they are, will change to a hyphenated name. I suggested it to my Darling Husband (we were married last July) and as non-traditional as he is, he couldn’t get his head around it. We won’t have children together (I’m 54) so this isn’t an issue.It isn’t a big issue for me.

Your children will grow up in a world with a variety of names around them. Your children’s school directory will have an appendix to cross-reference last names.

I was married before and couldn’t wait to ditch my former married name which I’d kept upon divorce to minimize changes for my children. I took my husband’s name last year (asap!).

Post # 4
38 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

Hi There

I can’t help but wonder why this issue was never raised prior to the Wedding – but in any case, have you tried to explain it from a different angle?

I’m a lawyer, and I’m fairly well experienced in putting forth a convincing arguement – a skill which I often use in my own relationship 🙂

How about you approach it somehting like this – 

“Honey, how would you feel if you were required to chage your surname?”

-probably not very happy about it

“Well, that’s how I am being made to feel.

“How would you feel about being pressured & guilted into something you didn’t feel comfortable with? Why are you doing this to me then?

I find men can often see things clearer, once they have been forced imagine the situation if it was them on the receiving end. ie. Apply the situation in reverse etc

Even if he can’t get his head around it completely, hopefully if you deliver your point of view in a different light – he may be more willing to compromise.

Best of luck

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