- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, and I know everyone’s answer will probably be different, and colored by their own experience. There is no “right” answer – but in a pefect world (no waiting on a guy, no money issues, etc), how long do you feel you need to date someone to know them enough and be comfortable enough in the relationship to move it to the next level? What’s TOO little? What’s TOO long? Or is there no such thing in your book as too long or too little?
I ask because, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years (lived together for the past six months) and have a feeling he will officially pop the question anytime now. I think this length of time was perfect. But, I have three or four girlfriends (my age – 27 – or a year or two younger) who have been dating their boyfriends twice as long as I have been with mine – six years or more! They are also in waiting limbo, and I am sure it will happen for them soon, too.
Part of me is afraid that, if I get engaged first, they will be thinking in the back of their minds “oh, they’ve only been together THREE years! They don’t have as strong as a relationship as we do…” and I kind of wish we had a marathon relationship to REALLY REALLY know if we are still into each other around that 7 year itch…not that I doubt it, but I come from a divorced family, and more time can’t hurt, right? But where I am age wise, I want to start having babies pretty soon, buying a house, settling down!
My girlfriends who have been dating their guys for 6+ years all started dating the guy in college – around 19/20. I started dating my BF at 24. I think this explains the shorter dating experience, and doesn’t necessarily make it less valid..obviously you date through college, want to establish your career, get on your feet, whatever. My BF and I were already graduated and in a career when we started dating. We had already bar hopped/dated around/had other serious relationships – and I feel that maybe this is also what cut our time in half. I also have a 32 year old girlfriend who was dating her guy for less than a year and got engaged.
I do think age has a lot to do with it, but I think once you’re out of college (22 or so) I think you really only need to date 2-3 years to know the person. What else are you going to know afterr that? I mean, if it comes down to other factors you are waiting for, like getting a better job or saving more money, I get it, but relationship wise, I think you should know enough to propose around that time frame. Just my two cents and I am curious what everyone else thinks!