(Closed) Ideal marrying age

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Ideal age to get married

    18-21

    22-23

    24-26

    27-29

    30-35

    35 plus

    Other- please explain

  • Post # 47
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Comealongpond:  +1 on the marrying older men. Always helps when you’re on the same maturity level and men take longer to mature. I’m a firm believer that if the man is a MAN and treating you the way you deserve to be treated and vice versa your age won’t matter. Most men don’t put effort into this until later in life. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    I think 25-35 is the best window to get married.  Personally I changed significantly from 20-25 and a lot of those changes and age-related immaturity demolished my first marriage from when I was 23.

    However, I do see some couple who marry under 25 that can make it work but I believe it has to do with the couples’ level of maturity and level of support from their family and community to get married younger and avoid divorce.  Over 35 and you’re running into individuals that have been single and independent for a long time so why should they give that up to get married and compromise.

    Post # 50
    Member
    764 posts
    Busy bee

    @futurejhart:  I think 25 or 26 is ideal (not that I’m biased or anything :-P) but because I think you’ll get less flack. You’re not “too young” *gasp* or “you must have babies right away!”. You might still hear a little of each, but it’s not as bad. You won’t hear as much of the first one as you would if you’re 21 and not as much of the second if you’re 29 or over.

    I also think that’s a good age because you’re done with school (and for a lot of people, college) which TO ME is very important. You may have  more established life (steady job, perhaps a house and some pets) and have matured to a point where you know “who you are” without anyone else.

    Obviously everyone is different but those points were important to me to have before marriage (not a house though) so that’s why it’s ideal FOR ME.

    Post # 51
    Member
    8067 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’d probably say 25 or 27+

    Post # 52
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Biologically speaking, late teens or early 20s is ideal but speaking from the perspective of lowest risk of divorce, 30 and over is ideal. Maybe 25 is when there’s the greatest drop in divorce risk, but I was reading a study that showed a significant drop between 25 and 30 too–something like 16% risk to 8% risk. And divorce risk didn’t taper off until 35 or 40. I’ll try to find it.

    Even before I saw that study, I was biased towards marrying after 30 because in my family, a good half of the couple who got married in their 20s ended up divorced–but not a single couple who got married in their 30s ended up divorced. I ended up not having much of a choice in the matter since I met the only person I ever wanted to marry when I was 26 and I strongly believe in dating several years before marriage.

    That being said, I know plenty of earlier-marrying couples who are still together and happy. It’s just more of a gamble.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1899 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @futurejhart:  It’s different for everyone, plus it’s not wise to set marriage/engagement against a clock. All my acquaintances who ::gasp:: had to be married by xx age or else are divorced now (male and female). I think if everyone had an ideal, it would be late 20s/early 30s, but unfortunately reality kicks in, and things don’t work that way. 🙂

    Post # 54
    Member
    1626 posts
    Bumble bee

    @MissMarple:  LOL I’m glad I let go of that way of thinking too.

    And I think that’s why I try and stay so involved on this website–Because TRUST me I’ve went to a lot of therapy and read a lot of books on the topic, and maybe I read the wrong books, but it took some tough love some of the bees on here to REALLY get ‘it’.  There is NO ‘right’ marrying age, and life might be better if you don’t even have an ‘ideal’ in your head because otherwise, you could be setting yourself up for a let down, which will turn into bitterness and wasting your life away over small potatoes.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1262 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m going to make these statements about myself, not projecting to anyone else.

    When I was younger, I wanted to be married at 26. I thought this meant I needed to get serious with someone by 22-23 and let me tell you, everyone I dated from 21-26 was a loser. Or at least just not right for me. So clearly that blew all of my notions into the wind. And now looking back, those 5 years after I graduated, living alone, establishing work ethic, traveling the world, and even kissing frogs were so formative for me and I know I wouldn’t be who I am without having had the opportunity to be by myself. I’m 28 and getting married in a few months (holy diet, I’ve got a dress to fit lol) and I feel like this is the right age for me.

    Everyone is different though and the next woman might not need those years, or as many, or she might need more. To each her own 🙂

    Post # 56
    Member
    1899 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @veryberry13:  Coming up with these timelines EFFED ME UP man.  Because when 30 rolled around and I wasn’t married and trying for kids–even engaged, well, it really ruined year 30 for me.  Undecided

    Same here. I was an emotional wreck when I hit 30. I was like, “WHAT? I thought I’d be married by now! I didn’t think it would be that hard…” It was bad. Like had-drunk-nervous-emotional-breakdown-at-Madison-Square-Garden-during-a-concert bad, lol. However, that’s why I no longer follow deadlines or rules and tell all my friends to stop setting deadlines ABOUT THINGS THEY CANNOT CONTROL. It’s fine to set deadlines/goals for career stuff/education stuff/stuff that only depends on your actions.
     
    Also, guess what happened when I stopped worrying about deadlines? I got engaged three months after hitting 30 and then married a month ago. So the engagement was shorter than I wanted, but some things in life you just have to let be. 🙂

    Post # 57
    Member
    6386 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t think there is a “right” age to do anything because statistics mean nothing to the individual.

    Post # 58
    Member
    8602 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    statistically speaking youre better off waiting until youre older but to have babies obviously you cant wait forever, so I would say late 20s. 

    Your brain isnt even done developing until you’re 25! (thats not a dig- just science!)

    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708

    Post # 59
    Member
    1626 posts
    Bumble bee

    @MrsNewDay:  Thanks for this post because it’s really good to know that I wasn’t alone.  I did have an emotional/nervous break down….And now I’m like WHY!!

    At this point, really up until about a week ago, I was still ‘I wanna be married’ and I’ve finally chilled out about it.  I’m so mad at myself for all the time I wasted worrying about it and crying about it–sheesh there are so many other wonderful aspects of life to worry about!!

    View original reply
    @housebee:  +1 to your comment

    Post # 60
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee

    @futurejhart:  hi, personally, i don’t think age is a factor. 25 is ideal in my books, lol. i’ve waited for 3+ years now. i pray, pray, that 2014 will be it, lol

    Post # 61
    Member
    1612 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Depends on the person.

    Also it happens when it happens.

    When you are in love and ready to live together and commit forever… just do it.

    When couples live together for 15 years before getting hitched …. I am always confused! haha

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