Post # 1
I thought about putting this in the main hive, but I think maybe you guys who are waiting will be better able to share in my perspective…So here’s my issue: Mr. R (29) and I (27) have been talking about marriage/kids for a months. After ring shopping at the end of October, I knew things would be happening soon. A few months ago, we chatted about how September would be a great time to get married, as one of the few things I really, really want for the wedding would be to have an outdoor ceremony somewhere surrounded by nature with lots of outside photos taken. September weather would work for that in IL where the wedding would be, it worked well with our short-ish engagement desires, and it also worked around my friends’ weddings this year. (We live in CA and would be planning for the wedding in IL where we are from and most of our peeps live.)
Then last night, we talked again because the ring is taking SO long to be finished! He doesn’t want to propose without it, and he wants to talk to my dad first, too. So realistically, this is making our September idea seem to come up faster and faster. I know it can still be done, but we are going to pay for the majority of the wedding ourselves and plan on spending $25-30,000. So then we thought about having the wedding here in November/December instead to give us a bit more time to plan and save. We were both happy enough with that because we’d be able to have it outside at a beautiful vineyard just minutes from our house. BUT then my cousin called and told me she’s pregnant. That means she will be due around Nov/Dec, and she is like a sister to me. I simply could NOT have a wedding without her there. Plus, she lives in Michigan and wouldn’t be able to fly out here after reaching a certain point in her pregnancy.
So now we are back to square one. I REALLY don’t want to wait until next year to get married because we have been dating for so many years and I’m sick of waiting! I’m also sick of planning my life around everyone else’s. We want to start trying for a baby next year. So what would you do if you were me? Would you just stick to the September plan and work with the budget, or do you have any ideas that I haven’t thought of yet?
Thank you in advance!!
Post # 3
First off, congratulations… I remember how exciting and anxiety provoking that limbo time was! Oh my gosh, the ring took forever. And it was crooked, so then it took another month… and then there was waiting for the proposal. Before everything was "official" the summer was upon us. We knew there was no option but to get married outdoors (due to both of our preferences)… so after a lot of discussion, we decided to wait for the full year (15 months, but who’s counting!)
The deal closer for me was my fiance. He felt so much more comfortable being engaged for a whole year, rather than a shorter time. That was all that mattered to me. We decided not to worry about other people’s reproductive plans or anything else and focused on when *we* would be ready. And honestly, it meant setting aside having kids for a little longer. I’m 37, so it is actually a huge issue for us, but we came to terms with our plans together… and I feel like it is so worth the wait.
Having said that, you are here, which means you are already planning and thinking of vendors and inspiration… I bet you could pull it off in an abbreviated time frame, especially since it won’t be wedding high season! If you and your fiance decide that September is right for you, then I say go for it… If you decide that it’s best to wait for winter, then despite your cousin’s pregnancy, that is what you should do. I’d try to work around it best you can, but not change plans completely if that’s what you want.
As an alternative, what is wrong with October? It certainly wouldn’t have to be a Halloween wedding, and would give you extra time without totally cutting it close with your cousin!
Post # 4
Thank you for your reply. To answer your question about October, there are a few things that I’m hesitant about. The biggest is that the weather in IL then is usually not very good for being outside. It tends to be rainy and can be cold already then. To have it here in CA in October would be an idea, although I worry that my cousin will be too far along to make the trip out this way. She lost her last baby at 23 weeks along in her pregnancy, and I know she wouldn’t feel safe flying out here after her sixth month. Perhaps if her due date is in December I can talk to her about it and see. The other thing is that I am a bridesmaid in a Chicago wedding on October 10th, so I’d have to plan around that and give that bride time for her honeymoon because I’d want her to be a maid for me in my own wedding. So many factors….argh!
Post # 5
I’d say stick to your original plan. You can always start some secret planning. Look for a venue, pick out some colors, etc.. Then when he does propose you will still be on track. By sticking with IL you can avoid any problems with your cousin and you are more likely to have all of your important people there since it sounds like most of them live in IL.
Also, I understand him wanting to wait to propose for the ring but why does he have to wait to ask your dad. Your dad wont be seeing the ring either way since (I’m assuming) he lives in IL). Maybe that would speed things up too.
Post # 6
You can start planning without the ring on your finger! I had my venue booked well before my hubby called my dad and asked for permission and finally popped the question. I think you’ll be happier with the September wedding.
Post # 7
Thanks for the input so far, ladies! I really hope September will work for us. I just feel so happy when I think of it! I have talked to Boy and think he’ll make do with a phone call to my dad. My family is really laid back, so I know it will be just fine. I am glad he does want to talk with my dad, but really, he won’t be seeing him in person until July anyway. As for planning before the ring comes, I would LOVE to (hence why I’ve been on here stowing away ideas!), but I feel a little nervous actually booking the venue without checking to make sure that my bridal crew and family don’t have conflicting dates. I also want to scope it out in person just to be sure before we book the place.
I will be making a short visit into IL at the end of April, so even if the ring isn’t here by then, I may fill my mom in on the secret and make an appointment for her and I to see the venue that I’m hoping for. Boy won’t be with me, but we looked at the website for the place already. I think if my mom and I like it, Boy and I can negotiate with them for an open date. We are also hoping for a Sunday wedding, by the way, so that should help with availability. Also, my uncle is a professional photographer, so as long as he is free that day, he’ll be doing the photography.
The only other thing that sort of has me nervous is the dress. I know they can take a while to order, but I would be okay getting one off the rack if it catches my eye enough. Any words of wisdom about that?
Post # 8
As a bride who is still waiting (we had a fiasco of a time on our trip where we were supposed to get engaged..resort’s fault and huge problems) for the ring, we’re planning. No worries! Same for you. NO worries!
Plan away. September sounds lovely. Check out also if any bridal salons are having sample sales..can sometimes buy a gorgeous gown quickly and for less money. Call around and ask.
Have fun and happy planning..best wishes too!
Post # 9
Do it in September! You will be happiest with your original decision!
Post # 10
You can do it! I also vote September! As for your dress, don’t worry too much. Either try to find one that doesn’t need alterations or find an independant seamstress who can work with a fast timetable. Also, start planning. I started when i was about 5, dreaming of my perfect wedding, so you can start now!
Post # 11
I definitely vote for September…there is no way that you can work around everyone’s schedules and events, that’s just how life is. Things are always going to pop up, so take advantage of the opportunity to get married when you want to get married and let the rest take care of itself.
Post # 12
I vote for having the wedding in September – a dress can take 4-6 months to be ordered but you can always pay extra for it to be expedited, buy a sample, buy a secondhand dress, etc.
Post # 13
Go with what you want! It’s YOUR wedding, and if September in IL is your dream, then that’s what you should do. I did ALOT of research and had several vendors booked while waiting on the ring, and my fiance wanted to talk with BOTH of my "dads" before officially asking me, so I started reading WB and doig my research (and started my folder) several months before the event happened…think about 3 months.
As for the dress, I waited on that until I had the ring. But I feel silly admitting to that! I would do all this research and contact venues and vendors, but dress-shopping was something I wanted the ring for. But like I said, now that I have the dress (and the ring) I feel TOTALLY silly having been that way. But I didn’t have timing issues like you’re potentially facing. I would go ahead and start looking around…maybe you’ll find something that will only take 2-3 months, or a sample sell…
Good Luck – and congrats!
Post # 14
I would say that if your heart was set on September then September it is. My boyfriend and I have been dating since high school and I have known for years I want to get married on our dating anniversary (May 21). Well, May 21, 2011 was ideal because I would be just done with school BUT my little sister graduates that year on May 26 and that seems like so much for my mom in two weeks. So, we moved it to 2010 and were completely happy until the finals schedule came out for my 2009-2010 school year and we found out that my finals are the same week as my wedding. BUT we are NOT changing the date because its the date we have wanted. When you have your heart set on something thats whats meant to be. You want to remember the day forever; make the day you dream of! Also, I am not engaged and have our photographer, colors and invitations picked out… you can start planning before the ring!! Congratulations!!!!
Post # 15
We originally wanted a late summer/early fall wedding, however shortly after our engagement my FI’s sister got pregnant. due late August… fate stepped in and our venue wasn’t available until late October anyway. But the trick with babies is that you just don’t know when they’re actually coming, and I didn’t want, in any way, to compete with the baby being born… and as an added bonus a 2 month old will add to the draw for family coming from further away! 🙂
Post # 16
I think you may regret it if your cousin cannot come. Which is more important–having the family you want there, or having your wedding in the location at the time of year that you want? I know time of year is an important thing but you can have a beautiful wedding no matter what. And when it’s all said and done, it will be beautiful and you’ll be married, which is the most important thing. I think in the long run, waiting a few extra months won’t be as big of a deal as your cousin not being able to share in all this joy with you, by your side, since you two are so close.