(Closed) If a family member moves away, who should do most of the travelling?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: All of Joe's family lives in Maine. He decides to move to Oregon. What sounds the MOST fair?
    Joe moved, so Joe should make all of the trips back to see his family. : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Joe should make most of the trips home, but his family should definitely come visit him sometimes : (38 votes)
    54 %
    Joe and his family should make an equal effort to make the trips to see each other : (26 votes)
    37 %
    Joe's family should show their support and make most of the trips : (0 votes)
    other : (5 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    10650 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    All other things being equal, it probably makes sense for Joe to do more trips, as he’s going to visit multiple people, whereas they would be going (to I assume) see just him.  I do think it’s nice if people go to visit him too.

    I don’t know if there really is a ‘should’ though.  People have different priorities, different levels of closeness to each other, etc.  Maybe none of them want to visit each other and that’s ok.

    Post # 3
    Member
    386 posts
    Helper bee

    It depends the motive for the move, what the distance is, and what the relationship is. Without those specifics, I can’t answer. 

     

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    47203 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    whoever wants to see the other person(s).

    Post # 6
    Member
    3396 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m voting other, particularly if this is a case where Joe is your bf/fiance/husband and wants to use all of his time off to go visit his family as opposed going somewhere with you,

    Post # 7
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    LaurenMJ:  If all things were equal, I voted for Joe and his family should make an equal effort to make trips to see each other. We moved away from our hometown and end up making 99% of the trips back home. It breaks our hearts, we are only 3 hours away, and it feels like some of our family members don’t support our decision to move or care about our lives here. Even when we decided to get married in the city we live in, there was a bit of backlash and people weren’t happy because they wanted us to come to them.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    386 posts
    Helper bee

    LaurenMJ:  It’s not that I don’t like to, I just don’t understand the need for a hypo. If everything in the hypo is equal, then traveling should be split equal. What is the issue? 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee

    LaurenMJ:  That is how I see it which is why I picked option 3.  That is how I do things with my parents.  If I want to see them I will go to them.  If they want to see me, then they come up.  Sometimes I will say that I want to visit, but my Mom will say “oh I will just come up so we can do X, Y and Z.”  But really who travels where is dependent upon who is the one who wants to do the visiting.

    Post # 11
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I moved across the country by myself.. I would say I do the majority of the traveling to go back to see my family, if only because it costs me 1 plane fare to get out there, whereas if my family came to visit, it costs them 3+ plane fares (depends who comes). So it just makes sense for me to go more often.

    Post # 12
    Member
    287 posts
    Helper bee

    I moved away and I do most of the travelling. All my family and old friends are in the same place, so it makes sense for me to go to them as I can then see everyone, as opposed to one or two family members who come up to see me.

    It’s not really an obligation though. They still come up from time to time. It’s just easier for me to travel down as I make the best use of my time seeing multiple people.

    Post # 13
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I moved four hours away from my family when I graduated college. I do most of the traveling since I also like to see my extended family on holidays and such. My mom and sister don’t like driving but they both try for at least one trip out to me a year. My dad will randomly visit frequently for a period of time but then it’ll be a long time in between. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I picked option 3, I think both parties should make an effort, but I realize that’s not how it always works out. Some people live their whole lives in one place, with a small, localized community, and aren’t used to maintaining relationships with people who live far away. They might feel that someone who made the choice to move away should make more of an effort to travel “back.”

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