(Closed) If a good friend knew your SO was cheating, would want them to tell you?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve been in this situation a few times as the person who knew. The time I kept it hidden I really ended up hurting my friend because he felt that I should have told him what I knew. The other time I did tell and ended up hurting my friend’s feelings because I was the messenger when others had lied about what they knew. It really is a lose lose situation. I think you should tell your friend but try to avoid the word “cheating”. By just showing her the evidence you have and telling her there are things you think she should be aware of that lets her choose what to do. That way she can talk to her husband and get the full story from him- he should be the one who has to deal with the pain of telling her all he’s been doing behind her back.

Post # 34
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would tell her. When it comes to cheaters, and I’ve known a few, I consider who my loyalty is to in that situation.

 

If the cheater has been my friend longer than their SO, then I won’t tell his/her SO, but I will let them know I think it’s unethical behavior if the cheater asks me. Sometimes, I realize I can’t be friends with someone because I realize how shady they are if they’re lying and cheating all the time.

 

But in this case, it’s your friend who’s the victim, not the cheater. Your loyalty is to her, so I would tell her and let her make an informed decision about how she wants to handle it. Plus, if he’s actually cheating, he could be putting both your friend and the baby at risk for an STD, and that’s not okay.

 

Post # 35
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I would want my friend to tell me!!! 

Post # 36
Member
5317 posts
Bee Keeper

Absolutely, yes, always!!!

If they even so much as delay, I’ll no longer consider them a good friend or friend at all, for that matter.

I’m sure it will never happen, though.

 

Post # 37
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, if someone i knew, even if they weren’t a super close friend, if they knew my Fiance had cheated on me, i would want to know. 

Post # 38
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was in this situation recently and I told my friend what I saw, and I hated the drama that ensued BUT we’re both still good friends, she did end up breaking up with him, and even though I apologized profusely for causing stress (because the situation was definitely fishy but not a dead ringer) she thanked me for being honest with her because she’d rather know everything and make her own decision, than be in the dark.

If people get mad/flip out at you.. that’s their issue. You’re being a good friend by telling her the truth. I would ABSOLUTELY want to know and would feel HORRIBLY BETRAYED if a good friend knew and didn’t tell me.

Actually now that I think about it, many years ago I entered into a really awful relationship with someone who I didn’t realize had been manipulating me for months. When we finally broke up (and I was a total mess over the whole thing) people were like “oh, we thought you knew” and I was like WHAT?! WHY THE EFF DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING?! So yea.. definitely say something. I still can’t believe they just watched that happen.

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