(Closed) If he doesn' propose in Italy, I will be crushed….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Oh honey, my heart breaks for you.

No, darling, I don’t think he’s the one, after reading what you wrote. A man will want to marry you even at your worst, he can’t say he was GOING to propose but then YOU did something that prevented that. It isn’t fair to your feelings and it’s certainly not helping your depression. I don’t feel an honest person would even pull that trick.

You need to take a step back and find some independence, find some way to be happy through your own merits. You say he takes care of you and does everything for you, tell me, does that sound like an adult relationship to you? This is not making you well, this is crippling your life. He’s enabling that, no matter what intentions he has. You need to learn to make YOU happy, before you can share that happiness with others. Don’t let your joy rest in someone elses’ hand.

I would not go on this trip, and I wouldn’t pressure my boyfriend for a timeline anymore. Case in point; I’d be done. If he couldn’t understand why I was leaving or realize his own painful actions, then nothing more needs to be said.

You’re hurting. You need to let go, of him, of wedding talk; everything.

Think of yourself for a while and be kind to yourself, be it therapy or a good friend. Find some peace.

Post # 47
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree with many of the PPs. You need to focus on yourself right now; it seems to me that you are obsessing over a proposal/wedding/marriage/kids as a way to ignore some of the work you need to do on yourself.

Depression is a serious illness and you owe it to yourself keep trying to find a way to manage it. Finish school. Find a job that you find fulfilling. And if you can’t find a job right now, volunteer with an organization that you are passionate about. Show your SO that, even though you will probably always live with depression to some degree, you’re going to do everything in your power to control it so you can be the best wife for him.

Do not go on that trip if you’re just going to view it as another failure on his part. Do go on that trip if you’re going to use it as a chance to see some of the most stunning architecture in the world, to eat some of the best food you’ve ever had, to see some of the most gorgeous countryside and coastal views on the planet. And you should only go on that trip if the only person you want to experience these things with is your SO.

I know 7 years is a long time to be with someone. But marriage is not going to magically make your life better; it will not fix the problems you each have individually and as a couple. Also, you are both still really young to make this committment. I could understand if you were in your 30s and had been together for this amount of time and still weren’t engaged. But at 24, you’re still finding yourself, still trying to carve an adult identity. I would focus on doing that for the next few years. If your SO is still not ready to propose after that, then I would suggest reassessing whether you want to be with him.


Post # 51
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
Stranger516:  Let it go, trust me.  My Fiance planned a cruise for us for my 30th b’day and I was SURE he was going to propose.  Not only did he NOT propose, but one night during one of those game show things, a guy set up a proposal for his girlfriend.

I proceeded to get so drunk I couldn’t see.  Needless to say, he proposed 5 months later when I was NOT expecting it at all, which made it that much better 🙂 

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