Post # 1
I feel like he is two different people. He is so nice, well mannered and quiet around everyone, but with me he is completely a different person. He always thinks he is trying to “help me” but really he is putting me down and making me feel horrible about myself. He always makes comments about how I’m overweight or that i don’t know how to act like a “classy” woman at the dinner table. I am very outgoing and sometimes my voice gets a little loud in public, and hes right there telling me to “shhh” or keep it down and act like a classy woman. When I tell him that I don’t like when he says certain things to me, he goes off and gets angry because I claim to be perfect and I claim that there are no issues that I need to work on. He basically just wants me to BE the woman he wants me to be, beautiful inside and out and act according to what he wants.
Just the other day, he yelled at me because I didn’t give him the blow job that he wanted me to. He told me to watch porn videos to try and learn, so I did. I even went as far as to buy cute new lingerie to wear because I thought it would set the mood. But the next day he told me it was the worst blow job he had ever recieved and it was lowsy. He told me that I am terrible in bed and that he didnt want to have to go and try “other things” – like who says that??? I told him to go and try it because indirectly we all know what he’s really trying to say. He’s currently not talking to me – surprise surprise.
After all of this I feel like I still feel like it’s my fault. I am trying so hard to be the type of girlfriend he wants me to be, but is it even worth it?? I changed a lot of myself in these past 3 years which is so pathetic I know. But he hasn’t changed one bit. He never wants to do anything I want to do or never wants to go to places I want to go to because he apparently doesn’t like to go out. He never wants to have dinner with my friends so I stopped asking all together. I tried really hard to satisfy him emotionally and physically but he still has a problem, I don’t know why?? Why is he even still with me if he thinks I’m just someone that has all these problems and isn’t perfect.
The sad thing is in all of this, HE is not perfect himself. He has no money. He has financial issues. He’s not happy in his career or his personal life. He has no friends. BUT do I say anything to him?? Nope.
Post # 2
A better question is why are you still with him? He sounds awful. I’d dump him and never look back.
Post # 3
He seems controlling and a bit of a gas-lighter, I’d leave if I were you. Relationships should be give and take, not take only.
On the other hand, “I claim to be perfect and I claim that there are no issues that I need to work on” – no one is perfect, everyone has things they need to work on. If my SO said that to me, I’d probably leave too.
Post # 4
You’re asking the wrong question…..actually it should be “Why are you still with him?” This is NOT a good relationship. Its is toxic and abusive. I’m actually wondering if its going to escalate to physical violence simply by the way he is treating you. It literally sounds like a concentrated effort on his part to tear your self esteem to shreds and so far it is really working.
You gotta get out of this relationship bee. This is the opposite of a healthy, loving relationship believe me. You deserve so much more than this. You were NOT put on this earth to be his verbal punching bag!
Post # 5
This guy sounds awful. Please leave. You can find someone better. You shouldn’t have to deal with that verbal or emotional abuse, nor should you have to change yourself to his liking.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
You are around 30, right? Have you had any other relationships where your SO didn’t make you feel like crap? This is a seriously unhealthy relationship and I think you can see that. Don’t give him any more of your time. Move on.
Post # 7
You’re in a toxic relationship. He tears you down because he feels bad about himself and is a bully. Stop allowing him to treat you this way – leave. You can do better and you deserve a healthy and loving relationship. You’ll never have that with him. First, learn to love yourself.
Post # 8
After reading the first paragraph all I could think is why the hell are you still with this guy? HE’s an asshole, dump him.
Post # 9
He is a horrible human being–why do you stay with him? Get out. Leave him. Find a good therapist and build your self-esteem. Never, ever, ever allow anyone to treat you that way again. You deserve better, Bee. Nobody should put up with being treated that way.
Post # 10
Out of all the billions of men on this earth, you want to stay with this shit-sack?
Break up with him. Literally delete him from your life and never speak to him again.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
Echoing other Bees here. You need to leave. Like, yesterday.
Even a casual glance at this chart clearly points to an abusive relationship: http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerControlwheelNOSHADING.pdf
Get out now before things get worse, including turning physical. I have zero doubt that’s where this is headed, Bee.
ETA: The “two different people” is CLASSIC abuser. They always come across as charming, all-around great people to others. This is part of their gaslighting and abuse tactics, creating a situation where, in his mind, no one would believe you…including yourself.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
Why do you feel like you deserve to be treated this way? Staying with a man who treats you like this the same as telling him it’s OK to to say and do the things he does. What positives does this person bring to your life? Sounds like he’s miserable to be around, makes you feel like crap about yourself and picks fights constantly. Is that an enjoyable relationship? Ditch this loser and learn to love yourself so much that when someone doesn’t respect you or make you happy, you don’t make space for them in your life.
Post # 13
You are asking the wrong question.
The question is WHY ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOU?
Post # 14
sweet bee- he’s abusive. Please, please leave this man YESTERDAY, if not sooner.
Then ask yourself why you stayed, what is it in you that feels you deserve any kind of horrible treatment. And work on loving yourself, so you’ll expect better and walk away fast if anyone is disrespectful in the future.
This isn’t only disrespectful- it’s downright cruel.
Post # 15
The title of this post should be – “why am I still with him?” and only you can answer that.
All I can say is that, right now, you do not recognize your worth and you are allowing him to make you feel as though you’re doing something to deserve the disgusting way he treats you. I promise you that you deserve none of this. He is a bad man and he is a bully. Like another PP said, I worry that this abuse might eventually escalate physically. By the way, he IS abusing you. You need to leave, like…yesterday, bee.
There is a difference between changing things about yourself to grow as a person and better your relationship vs. changing who you are as a person hoping that it’ll be “enough” for someone to love you. If my boyfriend ever told me to “shhh” or act classy, he’d have an earful from me. Commenting negatively on my weight or demanding a blowjob from me and I’d be OUT.
You deserve SO much more than this, bee. <3