If he is so unhappy and unsatisfied with me, why is he still with me??

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

A better question is why are you still with him? He sounds awful. I’d dump him and never look back.

Post # 3
430 posts
Helper bee

He seems controlling and a bit of a gas-lighter, I’d leave if I were you. Relationships should be give and take, not take only.

On the other hand, “I claim to be perfect and I claim that there are no issues that I need to work on” – no one is perfect, everyone has things they need to work on. If my SO said that to me, I’d probably leave too.


Post # 4
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You’re asking the wrong question…..actually it should be “Why are you still with him?”  This is NOT a good relationship.  Its is toxic and abusive.  I’m actually wondering if its going to escalate to physical violence simply by the way he is treating you.  It literally sounds like a concentrated effort on his part to tear your self esteem to shreds and so far it is really working.

You gotta get out of this relationship bee.  This is the opposite of a healthy, loving relationship believe me.  You deserve so much more than this.  You were NOT put on this earth to be his verbal punching bag!




Post # 5
915 posts
Busy bee

This guy sounds awful. Please leave. You can find someone better. You shouldn’t have to deal with that verbal or emotional abuse, nor should you have to change yourself to his liking.

Post # 6
2003 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK


View original reply
hellokittyxo :  You are around 30, right? Have you had any other relationships where your SO didn’t make you feel like crap? This is a seriously unhealthy relationship and I think you can see that. Don’t give him any more of your time. Move on.

Post # 7
9944 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’re in a toxic relationship.  He tears you down because he feels bad about himself and is a bully.  Stop allowing him to treat you this way – leave.  You can do better and you deserve a healthy and loving relationship.  You’ll never have that with him.  First, learn to love yourself.

Post # 8
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  After reading the first paragraph all I could think is why the hell are you still with this guy? HE’s an asshole, dump him.

Post # 9
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He is a horrible human being–why do you stay with him? Get out. Leave him. Find a good therapist and build your self-esteem. Never, ever, ever allow anyone to treat you that way again. You deserve better, Bee. Nobody should put up with being treated that way.

Post # 10
490 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  ????????????????


Out of all the billions of men on this earth, you want to stay with this shit-sack?

Break up with him. Literally delete him from your life and never speak to him again. 

Post # 11
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Echoing other Bees here. You need to leave. Like, yesterday.

Even a casual glance at this chart clearly points to an abusive relationship: http://www.ncdsv.org/images/PowerControlwheelNOSHADING.pdf

Get out now before things get worse, including turning physical. I have zero doubt that’s where this is headed, Bee.

ETA: The “two different people” is CLASSIC abuser. They always come across as charming, all-around great people to others. This is part of their gaslighting and abuse tactics, creating a situation where, in his mind, no one would believe you…including yourself.

Post # 12
4204 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

Why do you feel like you deserve to be treated this way? Staying with a man who treats you like this the same as telling him it’s OK to to say and do the things he does. What positives does this person bring to your life? Sounds like he’s miserable to be around, makes you feel like crap about yourself and picks fights constantly. Is that an enjoyable relationship? Ditch this loser and learn to love yourself so much that when someone doesn’t respect you or make you happy, you don’t make space for them in your life.

Post # 13
5015 posts
Bee Keeper

You are asking the wrong question.


Post # 14
675 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  sweet bee- he’s abusive. Please, please leave this man YESTERDAY, if not sooner. 

Then ask yourself why you stayed, what is it in you that feels you deserve any kind of horrible treatment. And work on loving yourself, so you’ll expect better and walk away fast if anyone is disrespectful in the future. 

This isn’t only disrespectful- it’s downright cruel. 


Post # 15
196 posts
Blushing bee

The title of this post should be – “why am I still with him?” and only you can answer that.

All I can say is that, right now, you do not recognize your worth and you are allowing him to make you feel as though you’re doing something to deserve the disgusting way he treats you. I promise you that you deserve none of this. He is a bad man and he is a bully. Like another PP said, I worry that this abuse might eventually escalate physically. By the way, he IS abusing you. You need to leave, like…yesterday, bee.

There is a difference between changing things about yourself to grow as a person and better your relationship vs. changing who you are as a person hoping that it’ll be “enough” for someone to love you. If my boyfriend ever told me to “shhh” or act classy, he’d have an earful from me. Commenting negatively on my weight or demanding a blowjob from me and I’d be OUT.

You deserve SO much more than this, bee. <3

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