If he is so unhappy and unsatisfied with me, why is he still with me??

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m just sitting here imagining a future for you where you are with someone who never cuts you down and makes you feel like you are the most amazing woman on the planet. That can be your future, but it never will be unless you get out of this shitstorm of a relationship. 

Post # 32
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Fling him into the sun and move on.

Post # 33
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

If I guy shouted at me about the quality of the blowjob I’ve just given him, I would 100% Lorena Bobbitt his ass, say, “Try to tell me how to give a blowjob now,” and flounce on up out of there.

Post # 34
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

He doesn’t want to go out with you or meet your friends, because he’s ashamed of being seen with you.

He’s with you because he’s biding time until someone else comes along.

Dump his arse and find a therapist.  No one needs this bullshit in their life.

Post # 35
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  girl get a grip!

who cares about why he wants to be with you, that is an easy question to answer. Because it is going to be hard to find someone to put up with his sh*t and he knows that. He cant just boss around any girl on the street , it has taken three years to “groom” you into submission. 

That takes time, work and effort. He is going to have to charm some other girl and be all nice before he can start putting her down and making her act the way he wants. Who wants to deal with all that? Much easier to continue to do that to you.

The real question is why do you want to be with him? Time to take a good hard look at this “relationship” and take hold of your life. You deserve better. 

Post # 36
Member
25 posts
Newbee

Bee…. I put myself through this exact same thing for 2 years. I didnt leave him because I was trying to make him happy and I thought I could change how he was acting. Not only did he do what you are going through but he also shoved me once and cornered me with his fist in my face telling me he had never been so tempted to punch anyone.  I stayed with him after all of that, plus some.  He eventually left me, and thank God he did. You need to get out of this relationship.  There are men out there who dont do these things. I was alone for 4 years after that relationship ended and I met my current SO 2  years ago. He would never even THINK to do something like that.  You deserve SO, SO much better than this. Hugs! 

Post # 37
Member
338 posts
Helper bee

The answer to your question: If he is so unhappy and unsatisfied with me, why is he still with me?

Answer: Because you have low self esteem and because let him.

Here’s a question for you:

If you are sad/unhappy that he calls you fat, lousy, if he doesn’t want to socialize with your friends, if he has no money, why are you still with him?

Maybe the two of you have low self esteem, deep insecurities and are codependent on one another. You should leave and work on yourself for a bit.

Post # 38
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I don’t have much to add that the PPs haven’t already said. But hugs to you bee.  I hope you find the strength to love yourself more than you love him so you can leave him.  

Post # 39
Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  Leave a copy of Stepford Wives on his counter on your way out the door. Leave and never look back.

Post # 40
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

He’s not unhappy or unsatisfied. He’s probably having a great time.  It’s a game for him, the manipulation, brainwashing, gaslighting, that’s fun for people like that. Messing with other people’s minds. It’s their entertainment. He’ll leave when he gets bored of it and finds someone else to do it to or if you have a realization of what he is and completely block him out of your life. I’ve lived it. It was horrible. The aftermath was horrible. But I came out the other side and now I’m married to a loving, caring man who would never has me questioning anything. 

Post # 41
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  do you have a sister or a BFF?

If she was in a relationship with someone who always criticised her, criticised her weight, calling her wonderful personality unladylike because she was “loud”, telling him she was rubbish at giving him pleasure. Imagine she’s being beaten down by this bloke and is questioning her worth.

What would you tell her to do? I’m willing to bet you’d tell her to leave. That she deserves so much better. That being alone and who she is, is better than being miserable and forcing herself to reach unattainable standards set for her. That actually she’s pretty incredible as she is and some guy would be so lucky to have her. As she is. Not being made into someone else.

So I’ve just described your situation to you. So if you don’t leave, you need to question why you deserve less than your bff or your sister or even just anyone? You’d encourage anyone to leave this situation. So why do you deserve less? You don’t. But if you believe you deserve this, it’s because he’s made you believe this. That isn’t love, hun, that’s abuse.

Post # 42
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  But there are guys out there who also have their great moments, and their bad moments are never this awful! I promise you can do better. 

Post # 43
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Bee, it seems that he has lost respect of you.

He maybe feels miserable because he’s noticing it himself and it makes him feel sad. I’ve been to a point like this and the only mature thing he should do, is to be selfreflective and seek communication with you. If you feel like it’s worth trying to talk to him about that or even going to see a counselor, give it a try. Otherwise, I’m so sorry, but your partner should be here to support you, helping you overcome your weaknesses and still feel good about yourself. He does the opposite and even scolds you like a child. You don’t deserve this, wathever your faults are.

Post # 44
Member
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

Gooooooooo.  Everything about this sounds horrible.  You are unhappy and unsatisfied.  Why oh why oh why are you still with him?

Post # 45
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
hellokittyxo :  I can’t get past him demanding a “classy woman” who gives “porn star blow jobs”. What other things are on your job description? “Ego stroker” and “eggshell tiptoer”? 

He sounds awful and you (anyone) deserves better. 

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