If he is so unhappy and unsatisfied with me, why is he still with me??

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Hostess
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You know you are allowed to break up with him, right? 

Post # 47
Member
10569 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

desertgypsy :  

She’s been broken down and brainwashed.  See Stockholm Syndrome.

Post # 49
Member
10569 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

sablescorpion22 :  

And John Wayne Gary loved his spaniel, Prince.  Hitler adored his dog, too.  A surprising number of murderers and serial killers were very attached to and loving toward their pets

So OP’s bf can be “nice” now and then.  This is exactly how a trauma bond is formed; the alternating cruelty with random moments of kindness is extremely powerful.  These bonds are much harder to break than healthy ones. Dr Patrick J Carnes is the expert on this. The seminal work on traumatic bonding is his book, The Betrayal Bond.

https://www.murdermiletours.com/blog/serial-killers-murderers-who-loved-their-pets-dogscats

Post # 51
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honey, you are doing what my friends and I call “scrapping”

meaning, you live for the scraps of attention and good times he gives you amongst the shit. You’re settling for scraps when you should have the whole meal. Don’t get hopeful or settling for the bits and pieces he’s willing to throw at you. 

Post # 52
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

hellokittyxo :  you are in an abusive relationship. Whether he has hit you (yet) or not, that is what this is. 

Please leave. You should never stay with someone who makes you feel like you aren’t good enough. You are good enough. If you change in a relationship, it ahshou be for the better and not because they’re asking you to or pressuring you to, but because they simply bring out the best in you. 

This guy does not bring out the best in you. He doesn’t build you up. He tears you down and makes you miserable. You deserve better than that. 

Post # 53
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I also want to add that, while PP’s are correct that there are much better men out there and that you deserve to find one who treats you properly, you will be better off leaving this relationship regardless of when or whether you find someone new. You’ll be a lot happier and healthier alone than you have any possibility of being in this relationship. At least on your own, you have the freedom to be your authentic self and to put your emotional needs first. 

Post # 54
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

Leave. He sounds like a jerk and you can do so much better. You dont deserve an ounce of that.

Post # 55
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

hellokittyxo :  He’s an absolute asshole…dump his ass. You deserve so much better! 

Post # 56
Member
10028 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

hellokittyxo :  He pretends to be a normal, nice guy sometimes to keep you under his control.  I was once married to a man like that and he eventually tried to kill me.  Divorcing him was a frightening nightmare.  Please get professional counseling about this, with a counselor who specializes in understanding abusive relationships and the abuse cycle.  As everyone has pointed out in this thread, monsters are very good at pretending to be a good person when it suits their needs.  It is an ACT, a mask.  

The mean, horrible person is the REAL one.  Real love does not look like this.  

Post # 57
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

This is a toxic relationship. The guy is entitled. Guys like this can never be happy with their wives and don’t look in the mirror. Your weight is not a problem, your “class” is not a problem. He wants someone to mold and control and he’s chipping away at your self esteem. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors