(Closed) If he says "we coulda went to the courthouse" one more time!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@WhenTheGoingGetsTough:  Well obviously you want a wedding and he doesn’t, which is unfortunate. It sucks you’re not on the same page, but try to put yourself into his shoes. If he hates spending all this money and time planning an event that will be over in a few hours, can you really blame him? I would try to not bring it up to him unless you really need his input. It sounds like you’re trying to compromise, but 100 guests still seems like a lot (there’s no way I could find 100 people to invite to my wedding unless I invited people I haven’t seen in YEARS, we both have small families, etc.). A wedding is supposed to be about the couple… not just the bride.

Yeah, him mentioning the courthouse isn’t helping anything, and it would be nice if he was a bit more understanding since he knows how much a wedding means to you. Especially since you’re paying for the bulk of it. Maybe try not talking about it for a while? Just let him know all he needs to do is show up lol.

Post # 5
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Hi there – I can relate.  Maybe try what I did?  My guy would say the same thing every once in a while about eloping.  I had to tell him that look, we could have eloped if we wanted.  But we BOTH decided that this wedding was what we wanted.  So second-guessing it now won’t make a difference and will only taint the preparation for and enjoyment of the big day.  So KNOCK IT OFF PLEASE!  That sunk in and he’s been nothing but excited since. 

Post # 7
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Seems like he’s not psyched about the big wedding… How about a compromise?

I didn’t want a big wedding and my husband didn’t want a courthouse wedding. So we married at the court and planned a 50 people reception.

 

Maybe you could plan a more intimate wedding than 100… i don’t know, just a thought to get him happier/more on board

Post # 8
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Ugh, I’m sorry. Wedding planning is stressful enough, without your Fiance not being in your corner! I know it’s easier said than done, but try to focus on the times that he’s been excited about the wedding, and just remember that HE probably thinks he’s just being funny when he mentions the courthouse. (Guys! Never know when to shut up!!)

Post # 11
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@WhenTheGoingGetsTough:  thats his way of saying he wants to reduce the cost of everything…he probably doesnt really mean actually go to the courthouse….he is probably freaked out by the cost…maybe you guys can reduce some expenses to take the pressure off…it is only 1 day of the rest of your lives and it shouldnt have to cost $$$$s

Post # 12
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeah, it should be, “We could have gone to the courthouse!”

 

My fiance says the same thing.  I’m like, UM…guess whose idea it was the make the wedding super fancy??  I wanted to have an informal affair at the park.

Post # 14
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would be more worried about the ‘whatever would make you happy’ remark.  He does not sound like a groom who is enthusastic about getting married.

My ex H used to say the exact same thing…and he never wanted to spend any of his money on it.  Wouldn’t even buy me an engagement ring.  He never really wanted to be married, and once we were, it was never a priority to him.  

Personally, I’d be putting everything on hold until you get to the root of what he is saying. 

Post # 15
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I’m sure my FH is tired of me saying the same thing about going to the courthouse instead to him.  I would love to elope and then return to throw a huge party.  It would be cheaper and less stressful than planning a wedding.  We compromised so I gave on the courthouse issue and he gave on having a huge wedding.  We agreed on an intimate <50 person wedding at a beach house.  But I still say we should go to the courthouse instead.

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