(Closed) "If he wanted to marry me he would"

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@southernbelle381:  I don’t feel like there is enough information provided to really give good advice. I know you may not be privy to everything they discuss, but have they discussed marriage at all? And, if so, what has his opinion been on the subject? And when you say they aren’t in the best circumstances, what does that mean exactly? Are they facing financial difficulties – for instance, are they having trouble paying their rent or mortgage?

Fiance and I started dating at 19. He proposed after 6 years of dating; I was 25 and he had just turned 26. I strongly disagree with the PPs who claim after 7 years she should leave him. 25 is still young and some people honestly just aren’t ready for marriage at that point. Where I’m from, people tend to get married in their late 20’s or early 30’s, so maybe that is coloring my opinion a bit.

At this point, I would stay out of it. Be sympathetic and listen when she needs to complain, but don’t bring the topic up yourself. If she asks for your opinion, just tell her this is something the two of them need to work out on their own. If they haven’t discussed marriage yet, then maybe gently suggest she bring the topic up and ask him what he wants for their future together.

Post # 18
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@southernbelle381:  If he is only 25 too then what is the rush? I dont understand. They arent 40 and her biological clock is ticking…..

Post # 19
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

@southernbelle381:  

Depends on the circumstances:

Are they financially independent?

Are either of them still in school? Or returning to school?

Are they both gainfully employed? If not- they might have to wait a little longer.

Are they living together yet? Is that important to one or both of them to do that before/after getting married? Do they see eye-to-eye on this?

 

Honestly, I hate the whole idea that women are supposed to just be quiet and wait. She needs to sit down with her SO and have an honest conversation about goals, timelines, and what they want in the next 5-10 years and see if they are on the same page (or even reading the same book).

 

Post # 20
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

@lolot:  +1

@southernbelle381:  Assuming that if a guy doesn’t propose after “x amount of years” is quite ridiculous. Every relationship is different and couple’s decide when they are both ready. The point is, both need to be ready though.

I was with my now Darling Husband for 9 years before he proposed. We got married right before our 10 year anniversary. We started dating young and wanted to wait until we both were finished with undergrad/grad school, had jobs, and were financially and emotionally stable. We had open communication about it though and mutually decided to wait. It worked out really well for us.

Now, I don’t know your friend or her SO, but it does seem like he is not ready. It is up to her if she wants to stay or not until he is ready. He could be stringing her along or he could just need more time. While you want to be a good friend, I think now is a time to mostly listen rather than giving too much advice.

 

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