(Closed) If his parents don’t help……

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry, I don’t agree with you. There should be a budget, and then both sides should get to invite an equal number of guests. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter how much each side is contributing. The budget should be set and any overages should be paid by the side that has the overages. We are paying for everything related to our wedding ourselves, and even though one of us may contribute more money than the other one, we are equal on the guest list.

Post # 4
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

While I can understand what you’re saying – you also need to think about your relantionship with your soon-to-be in-laws.  No one is required to give you money and you shouldn’t expect them to contribute to the cost of your wedding.

That said, their son is 1/2 of the focus of the celebration and they deserve to be able to invite some people important to them to attend.  Should they dominate the guest list?  No.  But they should certainly get to invite more than just themselves!  Would you deny your parents inviting anyone if they couldn’t contribute?  Denying your in-laws that is doing nothing but starting off on the wrong foot with your soon-to-be family!

Post # 5
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Personally, I would rather have the people that love us around me on our wedding day than worrying about who pays what. If his family isn’t that close to your FI, then that would be fine. My FI has a sister and nieces though, his friends (not even ones I know), and some people his mom is friends with that really wanted to come. They aren’t paying a dime.

Honestly I think your attitude about it is flippant. If your FI really wanted his side of the family to attend (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.) would you really say “Well then tell your parents to pay. If they don’t then I guess we only invite MY family and MY friends.” It just seems awfully rude to the man you supposedly love.

Again, if he doesn’t particularly care then do what you want. My FI cared about his mom’s feelings so I wasn’t about to say “no guests for you!”

Post # 6
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with Noritake.

There should be a budget and then the guest list should be made equally. Just because your parents are paying your FI can’t have all the people he loves at the wedding too?

Post # 7
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Also – what are you planning on doing? Dividing the guest list by percentages?

“Well FI and I contributed 80% so we dictate 80% of the invites, bride’s parents contributes 15% so they get to pick 15% of the invites, and bride’s grandma contributes 5% so she gets to choose 5% of the invites.  And FI parents, well they didn’t contribute so they can’t invite anyone.”

Seems silly and petty to me.

Post # 8
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Hm, I don’t know what the OP meant but from her post she’s not saying she’s going to limit her FI’s guest list.  So the arguments about the people close to him not getting to attend don’t make sense – if he wants his cousins there he can invite them, no?

I’m pretty eh on parents getting to invite people – I think anyone who needs to be invited or there will be a damaged relationship for your parents should be invited if at all possible.  Other than that it’s up to the couple.

Post # 10
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

In that case I agree with you!

FI and I are having 60 people at our wedding and every single person invited was our choice not our parents. I know not all parents feel this way but ours feel like its our party and they don’t see a point inviting their friends.

Post # 11
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I still think that even with a very small guest list you should be giving both sets of parents a few additional invites (maybe 4 people each so 8 people total).  That way both set of parents can invite a few couples they are really close with and want to celebrate the marriage of their children with.

And I repeat, whether or not they can “afford” to contribute to your wedding, you can’t expect them the spend their money on you.  You have zero say in how they choose to spend their money and should not expect them to contribute in order to be given the courtesy of a couple of invites.

Post # 13
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Just curious as to how your FI and his parents feel about your decision?

Post # 14
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

They are as much a part of the celebration as you and your parents even if they don’t contribute a dime.  Are you parent’s inviteing anyone?  His parent’s should get that same right.

Again – you cannot and should not expect anyone to contribute except for you and your FI.  Yes, its great that your parent’s are helping out.  But there is also no problem with your FI’s parent’s not paying.

His parent’s have played a HUGE role in his life (at this point, I could argue more important than you even) and they deserve to invite some of their best and closest friends to celebrate with them.  If you give them no invites, be prepared to damage your relationship with your future in-laws.  I really think you are being unreasonable!

Post # 15
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with noritake22. I think the budget and then the sides of the guest list are then counted in. You have to be fair to both sides. Now what they can’t expect is for you to choose what they want, in terms of what to wear, the food, how everything will be set up, the dances and toasts, etc. It is just as much a part of your day as it is with your FI and his family, as well as your own. Incorporate both! The last thing you want to do is go into a marriage and have everyone at odds with each other.

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