Post # 1
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would not have accepted money from my parents. Fiance and I would have paid for the entire thing and therefore had more control over the guest list.
I always envisioned a small wedding, however, when our parents offered us money they also added a ton of people to the guest list. Should I have put my foot down? Sure, I probably should have. I didn’t realize it bothered me so much until this past week. The more posts I read about etiquette and hosting guests and making them comfortable, the more I think about how I don’t care how comfortable most of them are. Please don’t tell at me- I know this is a terrible way to feel about ones guests, but I personally haven’t met 2/3 of the people invited to our wedding. I feel if this were a small intimate event I would care more, but it’s hard to care when I don’t know them.
How did we arrive at 300 guests? Fiance has a large family (most of whom were invited even though he hasn’t seen them in years) and Future Mother-In-Law decided to invite all of her work buddies. My parents also decided it was necessary to invite long lost family that we rarely see or talk to. My dad kept telling me that the wedding is about the parents too, which is probably true to a point but i believe ours got out of have. Again, I know I should have put my for down but hindsight is 20/20.
Fiance and I are paying got over a third of the wedding anyways so we could have afforded to do it on our own with the smaller guest list that we originally wanted. We just got so caught up on everything after we got engaged that we just let our parents keep adding people. I’m extremely grateful that they are helping us don’t get me wrong. I just wish I had thought through what that money meant when they offered it to us. I’m not really along for advice because what’s done is done and I’m not looking for snarky replies because I know I should have spoken to my parents sooner I guess I just needed to have a bit of a rant. People keep telling me all the wedding planning is worth it and hopefully that all turns out to be true because I’m just feeling a little bummed about our wedding right now.
Post # 3
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Just asked Fiance about this and he agreed with me!
Post # 4
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@MrsBeck: Ugh, that sucks.
On the bright side, it is only one day. Yeah it’s supposed to be the best day of your life or whatever, but if you think about it, it really is only a few hours, right?
I am sure you will have a wonderful time despite all the additional people. And there are so many coming that it’s not like you’ll be expected to talk to each and every one. Just hang out with the people you want to. That’s what I would do. And who knows, maybe you’ll get to know some of them and it’ll start a great new friendship/relationship.
Post # 5
Member
12 posts
Newbee
@MrsBeck: I understand where you are coming from as my parents have absolutely insisted on paying for all of our wedding, and although they say they want us to plan it how we like, they are already trying to get really involved in picking the venue etc. and my Fiance and I are starting to feel pressured. I just keeping thinking that everyone says your wedding day just flies by and that the things you thought might bother you (like too many guests) you don’t even notice because the day is so full on and exciting… It is hard though as planning a wedding is something you want to feel like you have control over, but at the end of it all, it is just one day and if you focus on spending the time with the people you really wanted there I’m sure it will be great!
Post # 6
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@canarydiamond: that’s true- I’m guessing most of the people we don’t know very well won’t stick around too late after dinner so it will only be a couple hours.
I’m just a little worried about coming off as rude if I spend most of the time with the people I know. I haven’t been to any large weddings so I’m not really sure how to handle greeting people.
Post # 7
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@MrsBeck: I think most people will understand that you’re busy spending time with everyone that day, especially since it’s such a large wedding.
Post # 8
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
There’s no changing the guest list now, so just try to focus on the positives. The important thing is that you’re marrying the person you love, and you’ll still get to celebrate with your friends. Make sure you visit every table during the reception, and thank your guests. I don’t know if you’re having a receiving line as well, but it’s nice to stop by the tables and just say hi. It’s only a minute or two per table, so you’ll still get to spend time with your friends and close family members.
Post # 9
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@paris87: my parents tried to pressure us into a specific venue and I did put my foot down then! I think you’re very right that the day will just fly by. I think I’m just worrying too much right now. Thanks 🙂
Post # 10
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
@MrsBeck: Just do a receiving line. Then you’ll get greeting everyone out of the way at the beginning, super-efficiently, and no one will feel slighted. I have been to many weddings where the couple eschewed the receiving line because it was “too formal” but then made themselves crazy running around trying to greet everyone, and invariably missed some people and felt bad about it later.
Post # 11
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
Our wedding is in July and my mom is doing the same thing. We wanted to have a small wedding, but my family is huge so we know it probably wasn’t going to happen. I was pretty ok with the guest list until my mom started trying at add on her co-workers and great aunts I haven’t seen in forever. I’m putting my foot down, and telling her we can’t invite them because one we want to keep it as small as possible, and two we’re actually approaching the limit of the number of people the building can hold comfortably. The ceremony is going to be outdoors (hopefully), in the field attached to the reception building. She keeps insisting that not everyone will want to sit down at the same time and that some people will stay outside anyways.
So, can you see where I might be having a problem with this? lol
The best part, me and Fiance and paying for 99% of the wedding.
Post # 12
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@housebee: very true. I guess I wouldn’t expect the B&G to spend a lot of time with me if the roles were reversed.
@MariContrary: very true! I try to focus on that as much as possible! I’m confused about the table thing because I’m not sure when to do it. I’m also worked about doing that because Fiance and I don’t know some of the people invited and that could be awkward. Should we have our parents go with us to avoid this? I was thinking about doing a receiving line with our parents so that they can make introductions but I don’t think I’ll remember everyone later.
Post # 13
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
Usually the table visits are after the meal. You don’t want to prevent your guests from eating, and you want to make sure you’ve had a chance to eat too! I hate to say it like this, but you don’t actually need to know who they are – it’s just pleasantries. They tell you how beautiful the ceremony was, how pretty you look, the food was delicious, etc. You thank them for coming, if you know they’re out of town, ask how the trip was, that sort of thing. Smile a lot, and off you go. If you haven’t actually been introduced, your parents should go with you and introduce their friends. If they don’t, it’s no big deal, they’ll usually say ‘Oh, I’m John, I work with your father’ and it goes from there.
Post # 14
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@MariContrary: okay thanks! I guess I’m worried that guests won’t stay seated that long. I was at wedding awhile ago where the B&G did not do a receiving line and planned to go from table to table, however, guests were up and moving about and they didn’t get to greet everyone. Should I ask them to stick around their tables? We will have at least thirty tables so I’m a little worried about how long it will take. I think I would like to try this out but I wish I could see it before doing it 🙂
Post # 15
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
I understand. I’m actively hoping 1/2 of the people we invited aren’t coming.
Post # 16
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
@MrsBeck: I wouldn’t worry too much. As long as you make an effort, people will be happy. If someone’s leaving early, they’ll usually come up to you and at say hi/goodbye.