Post # 1
Sometime something came to you strangely and suddenly, like three days ago when I asked my fiance the above question. Now….. I think it’s really like butterfly effect.
At the beginning, I was just joking,coz he sent me msgs but I didn’t reply coz I left phone at home, he said he worried about me, I joked that would be a good news to him if something bad happened to me. But later I became serious about this question, if I die, will he remarry? Then I asked this to him again in a serious way he said he did not want to discuss at that moment coz it’s a bit late by phone.
Then I started to think a lot about this question. Becoz in the past I asked similar question he answered like life will go on,something like that and I didn’t think much about that. This time when I asked it again I thought of his answer before, I became upset.
I searched some information about this topic on the internet and to my great surprise, there really are some discussions about this kind of doubt.
—to be continued
Post # 3
I promised this life to DH so no, I wouldn’t remarry. but date others? maybe! but maybe not. who knows if I can get over the funderal, ever.
DH already adamantly says he would never date again, no way. hahaha. but I hope he does, and has a nice rest-of-life-without-me.
ideally though we just die together at a ripe old age. woohoo
Post # 4
DH and I have both told each other that if one of us were to die, we would want the other to remarry.
Post # 5
@stephanie2013: I made a poll about this a few days ago.
This is a very deep topic, it always makes me cry when I talk about this with FI. I love him so much, I don’t think no one ever will make me feel like he does. But I know he wants me to be happy again if he dies, I dunno how that could be possible.
I tell him the same, if I die, I want him to marry (but keep a picture of me with him forever eheheh). I don’t want him to shell up and hide his true feelings, I couldn’t live with the thought of this.
He says he prays for me to die first (lol, that sounds wrong), because he doesn’t want to live me like his dad left his mom (his father died in a car accident when her mom was about 30 or something).
:C this is a sad topic.
Post # 6
We would both consider re-marrying if/when one of us dies. Our vows are until death do us part (though we didn’t technically say that in our actual vows).
Life is about seeking contentment. For us, that both means companionship. If we lose each other, then I see no problem in seeking another. I have told my DH I hope he would be able to find love again, he feels the same.
Post # 7
Neither of us would remarry, we will love each other until the day we die. For me it’s a lifetime commitment, you are committed to someone for your whole life, not just until the other person dies.
ETA: I first asked him this question early on in our relationship and he at first said he would probably date someone else after I died. That did upset me. But over the years and as our commitment has grown and we have talked more about it he has changed his view and wouldn’t be with anyone else after I die.
Post # 8
I’ve never asked him if he’d remarry. I told him I would want him too. FI’s happiness is really important to me.
I told him he can’t forget about me tho! and she can’t be a bitch lol
Post # 9
I would want my FI to remarry, and I myself would want to find love if he were to pass on. We both feel the same way.
Post # 10
He said “life would go on” and you’re upset? What exactly do you expect? Life will go on. It’s surely a hard topic, however, I have told DH that I absolutely want him to remarry if that’s what makes him happy. I would also remarry if that’s what makes me happy. I would obviously never forget him but I wouldn’t swear off other men.
To us, “until death do us part” means that if one of us dies, the other is “free” to do as they wish. I certainly would not want this man who I love to sit around lonely for the rest of his life.
My grandpa remarried because my grandma died kind of youngish (late 50s). We all remember my grandma and still speak about her, however, I’m so happy he found a companion as I think he would be very lonely on his own.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
Just recently lost my dad, so I said to my FI that I’d be completely okay if my mom started dating others — even though she is waiting for her time, so that she can join my dad in eternal after-life.
My FI wouldn’t want me to remarry if he were to die before me. (To which I said, well.. we’d better have kids by then, cos I will definitely remarry without any kids!) However, when I reversed the question on him, he didn’t have a definite answer at this time.
Post # 12
hi guys, I want to continue this topic in a logic way, so let me use Episode X for each passage I wrote here. thank you. And I will read carefully for each reply, thank you for all replies. I think I make it clear now why I think so much about this topic, but I still need your help.
As I said I searched some information and I got many information about this topic on different websites and different types of answers. To be honest I was really touched by some of those posts, especially as follows:
for example: “For me, if my wife died, I would never marry another girl. She would only be the ONE in my heart.”
OR “For me, the reason I personally would hate to remarry if my future wife (or close girlfriend) died is that when two people are in love, they become one, and they are inseparable, even after death. “
OR “I know that i would not, its kind of hard to think that if me and my second wife died in a car crash and take the stairs up to heaven and my first wife is at the gate asking me “honey, umm whos this”?”
OR “My wife did in fact pass away on May 9th of this year. While she was alive I said I would never remarry and my opinion has not changed since she went to Heaven. “
OR “It wasn’t a sense of obligation to the dead, but that no one else could live up to the standard set by the first spouse.”
OR “ So as much as I miss my wife I cannot see myself entering into a similar relationship with another woman. I think even holding another woman’s hand would make my heart ache for my wife. ” ( I was deeply touched by this answer)
—to be continued
Post # 13
@stephanie2013: Ugh. I dont even know. I can’t think about that. 🙁 I do know i have told him to promise that if he died first, he would “Wait” for me – wherever it is that you wait…. that way we wont “go on” without each other.
Post # 14
@stephanie2013: I want my FI to have other significant relationships with other women, absolutely. He can choose not to marry again, but it’s my life that will be over, not his. If he feels ready for it, I would want for him to love and be loved again, as it is the greatest feeling in the world, and I love him so much that I only want him to be happy after I’m gone.
Post # 15
@stephanie2013: I agree with all of those. FI and I are each other’s One. So neither of us would remarry.
We want each other to be happy of course, but you can have a happy life without dating! I would think it would be unfair to both FI and the new guy if I dated someone after FI passed. Unfair to FI because he is the One and I committed my life to him. Unfair to the new guy because I would know he was wrong for me and I was the wrong one for him, and would be keeping him from finding his One by dating him. It would also be unfair to him because I would still be in love with FI. And the same things apply in reverse, if I died and FI started dating someone else.
Post # 16
I discussed this with my husband just the other night.
I told him I’d want him to remarry if I died. He responded, “I never could. No one would be you.”
If he died, I don’t think I’d remarry. No one can compare to the love I have with my husband.