(Closed) if I die, will you remarry?—I asked this to my fiance

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 301
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I hope he finds someone who makes him happy, if I die.  I know he hopes the same for me.  I want him to find someone who he can consider a soulmate, who can grow old with him and be truly devoted to him as her one true love.. and him to her.  Remembering me is one thing, but keeping me as his “one true love” and keeping any other woman out as simply a time-filler.. that’s not a recipe for happiness.  If he’s old enough that he feels that that’s all he needs to be happy, that’s fine.. but he has my permission to truly try and find love again.

 All I ask is, if we have children, he get a rock-solid pre-nup and most of my personal inheritence (which we are keeping seperate from one another rather than joint assets) becomes a trust fund for any children of ours (I can put that in my will when we have a kid, so its not so much “ask” as thats the way I want it to be).  Without kids, it can all go to him.   My only nightmare is an evil stepmother coming and screwing over my kids.

Post # 302
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I wouldn’t want my Fiance to be miserable pining away for me for the rest of his life. I don’t think there’s anything especially virtuous/noble in that. I also don’t believe in the idea of “soul mates,” that there’s only one person in the world for each of us.

In my experience, people with loving, affectionate hearts tend to find someone else to love, in time. Maybe a very long time, but in time. 

It’s easy to say you know what you would do, but you don’t really know unless you’ve been there.

Post # 303
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

 

View original reply
Horseradish:  You absolutely have a right to your opinion, but please don’t name-call those who disagree. Neither remarriage nor opting out of remarriage is an easy decision.

Post # 304
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband’s wife died when he was 40.  She died suddenly, so they didn’t discuss it, but he knew she would have wanted him to find happiness.  Her family told him they hoped he would find someone.  He met me 2.5 years later and we just got married.  He  has said he will always have love for his late wife but he has more than enough love in his heart for me too. Having been through it, he also says that if something happened to him, he’d want me to remarry.

Post # 305
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Hell yeah he could remarry.

Why on earth would I be so selfish as to not want him to?

It’s till ‘DEATH do us part’.

I would be dead anyway so I would probably have more things to worry about.

Post # 306
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
klb07:  lol wut. This thread is 2 years old. I’ve got no idea what you’re tagging me for. I actually did go read the first three pages to see what you’re upset over, didn’t find it, and I’m moving on. PS calling an act “selfish” or “narcissistic” is not name calling. Lovely people do selfish things all the time.

Post # 307
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

this is such a weird question. i think worrying about this stems from some sort of twisted jealousy. i remember that my drunk/abusive father used to make my mom promise him that she’d never marry or date anyone again if he died. i cant imagine why this would be brought up between a normal couple.

as far as me personally, ill be dead and wont care, lol.

Post # 308
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I would want him to do whatever would make him happy, I always want him to be as fulfilled and loved as he can be.

Post # 309
Member
3609 posts
Sugar bee

The thought of him with another woman kills me….almost as much as the thought of him living out his old age alone. I would want him to find happiness.

Post # 310
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

We’ve never had this discussion. I’m pretty sure I don’t get a vote in what happens after I’m dead anyway so it’s not a conversation I’d start.

Post # 311
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

If my fiancé dies, I wouldn’t ever, I am writing this while sobbing uncontrollably and screaming with my head on my pillow. I might get too personal, so forgive me for it. 

I just, cannot imagine my life with anyone else but him. I cannot. I don’t want anyone else. I am terrified with the prospect of death, I always was, and I would die alone. But I can’t entertain the thought of even, I can’t.

We’ve been on a quick topic on this, and we’d said that if one of us dies we both agree we would move on. Even though I never tell him, that I don’t agree at all. And I know, he would hate the prospect of growing old alone, and being alone, so if he wants to find somebody else, which I know he probably would, then I hope he is very happy. It makes me ache, it breaks me, because I cannot imagine him with anyone else, but I wouldn’t ever tell him not to try again. Merely because, he would avoid it, not because he feeels I was it for him, but because he promised me. And I have commited my existence to him, even after death. I don’t want anyone else. Nobody could ever be him, no one. He is the only one. 

Post # 312
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

We’ve never talked about this. 

I would want my husband to find love again if I died. I hope that he would want the same for me. 

The topic ‘if I die, will you remarry?—I asked this to my fiance’ is closed to new replies.

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