(Closed) If I hear the word "snarky" one more &%#$ing time!

posted 8 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 17
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Natalieh86:  I see snark as being about delivery, not substance.

I couldnt agree more. I have been around for about 2 years, I have never been flagged to my knowledge or warned, and I always speak my mind especially on controversial subjects. You don’t have to sugarcoat everything just to have a reasonably inoffensive delivery, and I’m sorry the OP feels differently. 

Post # 18
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Natalieh86:  I agree and disagree. I think true nastiness (the S word is starting to sound like nails on a chalkboard to me) is all about delivery, but I have seen many people be accused of it on these boards because they delivered their contenty honestly and succinctly, rather than intentionally rudely. It seems like the only way to avoid the accusation when disagreeing with someone is to roll it all around in sugar and explain it like you’re trying to avoid hurting a child’s feelings. 

Post # 19
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t agree with the assertion that all communication is sugarcoated on WB. I have seen plenty of honest opinions, although people who have negative opinions do tend to either apologize or excuse themselves, or get criticized an awful lot for what they said, which can be very annoying. Sometimes this irritates me, sometimes it doesn’t. Basically I think that electronically transmitted words are a medium that for some bizarre reason tends to exaggerate unpleasantness, so people start to tiptoe when they’re saying something that isn’t all wonderful and happy.

I’ve seen A LOT of posts, usually advice, saying things like: “you’re not going to like this, but you need to reconsider/break up/have a SERIOUS talk” etc. These I think are NOT sugarcoated, “Disney”-fied opinions. 

I agree, society is harsh, but as adults who deal with the harshness of the real world, we also understand that being polite and respectful is important. I have seen plenty of politely, respectfully offered opinions that are certainly not what the original poster *wanted* to hear. I personally like it when people are honest, but if they aren’t respectful of my feelings and they sound really grumpy and mean, well, that’s not advice I’m going to pay attention to because the way it was presented was insulting, frankly. 

Basically, I think there needs to be a balance between being honest and being overly polite. And being polite does not necessarily mean that one is not telling it like it is.

 

Post # 20
Member
3245 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@MrsWrangler:  I agree with you. You said it better than I did, and in fewer words to boot!

Post # 21
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Natalieh86:  +1

I completely agree. In fact, one of the things I love about this site is how many women here manage to be simultaneously kind and honest/critical (a skill that I’m still learning, but one I hugely admire). An honest opinion delivered gently and sympathetically is so much more likely to actually help someone see things differently than the same opinion delivered bluntly or sarcastically.

I try to be honest in everything I write, and I know I’ve been sassier than I probably should have been in the past. I openly disagree with people all of the time. I’ve never felt like I had to sugarcoat things or felt any pressure to be less than honest.

Post # 22
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Taeyers:  Oh I agree that there are times when people are accused of being snarky just because they disagree. I just think that most people here wouldn’t consider something snark only because it runs counter to what someone else wants to hear.  Every now and then you get someone who throws the word around out of context, but I wouldn’t say it’s the norm. 

Post # 23
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

There are a lot of threads I just close because I don’t feel that my opinion or advice – though asked for – would be welcome.  It can be hard to be positive towards ignorant people and there are a lot of ignorant people out there.

Post # 24
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Honestly? You want my honest opinion?

I don’t care….

Post # 25
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

I usually don’t post on many threads when I disagree with the OP, just because I’m afraid I’ll get flamed to high heaven. When someone criticizes me, I take it as just that-criticism, and someone expressing their opinion from the side they see. I may agree or disagree with them, but I always end up thinking about things a little differently.

But I do agree, someone being honest and giving their own opinion is often marked as being ‘snarky’, even when OP asks for ALL and ANY opinions!

Post # 26
Member
23589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I went to college too. I also went to graduate school, and have a doctorate degree.  As a hostess, my “job” is to keep weddingbee upbeat and light, particularly when bees are seemingly upset at each other.  So yes, we might appear to be…..um concerned with playing games, but it’s all in good natured fun. What’s wrong with having some fun?

Id like to think that those who know me, know that even after becoming a hostess, I do nothing but try to give constructive criticism / honest opinions to tons of members! In fact, I spend more time on WB than I really should, but I do because I genuinely care about everyone here, yourself included (I can’t get over how much I love your wedding dress!) and I want to come on to give everyone my honest opinions. I wouldn’t have become a hostess if I didn’t feel that way about everyone, and am sad to hear things said about us.

Post # 27
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you can disagree with someone without being mean about it. When people call other’s ideas stupid, selfish, trashy, etc that’s being mean about it.

 

Edited because well. whatever.

Post # 28
Member
1574 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I never HEARD the word snarky until I came to WB. It’s just not a word I ever hear used.

Post # 29
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@iheartsquishy:  I think the Bee should modify the TOS to include the word “butthead”. 

Post # 31
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

+1

I also often find myself self-editing a lot because I don’t want to get banned or seen as a mean person. I really do like WB and the supportiveness of all the brides and former brides here, but if you’re asking for a real opinion I’d like to think you should get it without fear of consequences. For a lot of posts I try to use the “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all” quote, but it’s difficult with certain subjects. Just because I’m not being nice once in awhile doesn’t mean I’m being mean, either!

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