(Closed) If i invite him it will be bad and If i dont it will be worse! help! very long..

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

As much as I don’t want to tell you this …. he’s your mom’s fiance and will soon be your step-father – you have to invite him!  Even if he wasn’t going to soon be immeadiate family, it is beyond rude to invite someone and not invite their Fiance (and I doubt you were planning on not inviting your mom).

You really have to suck it up and do it and just try to avoid him as much as possible the day of.

Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you don’t invite him I cannot imagine that your mother will come.  You will probably have ruined your relationship with her and likely forever.

Dealing with friends or family members in abusive relationships can be really really difficult, but really the only thing you can do is be there for your mom.  Support her, build her up, and when this relationship comes crashing down around her be there to catch her.  If the relationship is really abusive, chances are that some day she may need help leaving.  If you alienate her now, she will have no one to turn to and may not be able to gain the courage to leave.  If you stand by her, despite disagreeing with her choices,, then you will be able to be there for her when she needs you in the future.

As much as it sucks, you need to invite him.  Although I would also inform the bartenders not to over-serve him and consider having security there in case he starts something 🙁

Post # 6
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to have a conversation with both your mom and future stepdad. He needs to apologize to you for the comments about your child or NO INVITATION. Your mother needs to understand how much those comments hurt you as well.  You can not start your life as a married couple and be expected to have a relationship with people who do not support your union, family or not.

Post # 7
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’d invite him. But I’d be crystal clear with your mother about why this was even a question, not avoid the touchy subjects (b/c i’m sure she does avoid it at all costs). I’d like to think that you could get him to apologize about what he said about your child, but he probably never will. Ugh, I hear these stories and it makes me so frustrated for people that end up with such loser guys and don’t snap OUT OF IT and break up with them. My mom did this and married my stepdad.. and since, I have never even been aquaintences with someone that didn’t treat me with kindness and respect, let alone get in a relationship. Just be sure you don’t repeat her mistakes and learn from them and teach your future children.

Post # 9
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I could never be a counselor b/c my response would always be “he’s a loser! leave him and don’t look back! burn the house down!” or something crazy. I’d be all about the logistics about how to separate financially and find a new house etc while the person was still in the “but i love him!” stage. Sigh..

Good luck to you! You know with crazy relatives that everybody knows it’s them that’s nuts, and not you. You’ll have a great day no matter what!

Post # 10
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yea looks like the only thing you really can do is invite him but just ignore him 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sometimes we just have to accept that DUMB PEOPLE are part of our family. I mean, not trying to be mean – it’s true. We will NOT like everyone in our family, BUT they’re family. Suck it up, get over it as best you can, and try to have a great day (you will anyways) knowing that he’s there. If he’s a jerk or not, that’s your mom’s problem, don’t let him become more of a problem for YOU then he has to be.

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