If I marry out of state (CT), can I get the license in my state (IL) first….

posted 6 months ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
83 posts
Worker bee

Yes, this is possible. I don’t know requirements for your specific state but it’s generally easy to have a short civil signing on one state and get married in another through ceremony and with whomever u want officiating 

Post # 3
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

It should be fine! The only place it could potentially be an issue is if you’re getting married in a church in CT as I’ve heard some church leaders do not allow “symbolic” ceremonies. But I doubt that’s always the case.

Post # 4
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I can’t comment on the legality, but do you plan to tell your guests or will the wedding ceremony pass off as if it’s the real one? 

Post # 6
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

yes! You can absolutely get legally married in one state and do a formal ceremony in another. Truth be told, all ceremonies are symbolic and the legal stuff is signing papers in front of an officiant, which you don’t do as part of the ceremony anyway (not usually). 

I’ll be having a private courthouse marriage in NC and a family wedding with a ceremony in TN. No one will know we are legally married already, and NO ONE WILL CARE. (I put the emphasis on this because you’re about to get a ton of bees that are going to tell you that not being upfront that you are legally married is like… some kind of evil deception or something. It’s not. You do you and ignore them, please). 

I want to avoid all the nonsense of filing paperwork in a different state than the one I live in. We have full intentions of celebrating our anniversary on our ceremony date, and just recognizing our legal marriage date for legal reasons. I am of the opinion that one is a marriage (legally binding) and one is a wedding (when we are spiritually bound, or whatever you want to call it). 

Post # 7
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@whitums:  
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@workingonmynightcheese:  I’m not saying it’s “evil deception” I just don’t understand what’s so EW about being honest?? As if it’s sooo disgusting to just not lie to your closest people. 🙄

Post # 9
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

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@temeculabride:  what’s EW is your passing of judgment on a situation that doesn’t affect you AT ALL. Let OP make her choices without giving her an earful about how you think she’s lying to her family. Maybe she would tell them afterward, maybe not.

I know that I personally will not be telling people because – to me and my fiance – the ceremony is the important part. We hold the belief that one is a piece of paper that the goverment requires of us, and the other is an actual emotional/spiritual commitment. I hold the ceremony in a much higher regard than the papers being signed. Will I tell my family about the legal marriage? Probably eventually after the wedding is in the past. But I don’t want naysayers to tell me that our exchange of vows is less important because we were legally married first. 

Post # 10
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@whitums:  I suppose it’s only a trigger for me as a friend was planning some HUGE deception many years ago. She got pregnant and they ran away and eloped and then were planning on this extravaganza wedding months later that their families were going to support without telling her parents that she was legally married months ago and pregnant. I felt so horrible being a part of that situation. Luckily (sad as this is to say) she had a miscarriage and they quickly got divorced without anyone knowing.. and she went on to meet someone else and have kids and a wonderful family. I just can’t get behind that huge of a deception. I don’t see how it’s so hard to say “hey, we’re legally married but come celebrate with us!” I’m a loyal and honest person to a fault and get icky feelings when it comes to deceit. 

  • This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by temeculabride.
Post # 11
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

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@temeculabride:  but that wasn’t OPs question anyway. She wanted to know the legality of it. It’s not a place to derail and get judgy. 

Post # 12
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@workingonmynightcheese:  I didn’t judge. I didn’t say it was abhorrent or morally wrong or anything of the sort? It was a simple question. All I asked was if she was going to tell people or not. Where did I pass any judgement on whichever answer she’d provide? 

Post # 13
Member
3926 posts
Honey bee

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@temeculabride:  luckily she had a miscarriage? You might want to exit the building now and do some soul searching. 

Post # 14
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@whitums:  yeah if you would have read my story.. they immediately divorced because they only got married because she was pregnant. She went on to meet the love of her life and have kids. Had she had the original baby, her two children she has now would not be here today and I’m sure she’s thankful they are. 

kind of like how my mom had multiple miscarriages and that was a blessing because if not my sister or I would have never been born. 

Post # 15
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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@whitums:  Yeah, there is no “luckily” in a miscarriage. 

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@temeculabride:  So many people would give anything to have a baby, even if that means they got divorced, dated as a single mom (or dad), and found the love of their life later.  Your judgment of the OP is based entirely on your own (unusually poor) experiences and derived from a ton of assumptions you should not be drawing from the information given. 

OP, you can absolutely get the legal part out of the way before having a religious/symbolic ceremony with your family and friends.  In many states, the civil ceremony is bare bones and only requires that you state your intent to be legally married. It doesn’t have to include things like vows, readings, or a homily to be valid. You can always save the sentimental aspects for your marriage celebration with family and friends. 

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