(Closed) If im too young, you're too old!!

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Yep happens all the time. My grandma always says that I’m too young and then five mins later she’s like so when are you going to have babies?  Ugh

Post # 4
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I don’t think most people say this out of spite, jealousy, or any sort of negative place. It took me a while to accept it, but most people who have lived longer DO know better. They’re just trying to imply that there is no rush. I’m not trying to say that they know your situation or anything, or that you should listen to everything they say. Just know that they are (most likely) saying things like this because they find it to be true.

It’s just a fact that 25 year olds tell 22 year olds not to rush, and 22 year olds try to convince 18 year olds the same thing. Nobody ever listens, and everybody seems to always get defensive instead of just being calm and saying “Thank you for your perspective”, and moving on.

Post # 5
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

I was asked once by one of my staff how old I was. Nothing negative or having a go whatsoever. I’m 24, partner is 27. We haven’t had anything like you guys have posted in the boards. Maybe we are just lucky. I wouldn’t be biting my tongue either, maybe that’s why too? Hehe.

Post # 7
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@Steph18: Most of the time (Note MOST, not all), a 40 year old bride is in a better financial position, with more life experience etc than a 20 year old bride. Some might be getting married again, some might already have kids. They might have also had multiple partners, and so sampled ‘more of the field’ than the younger bride. At least all the 40+ year olds I know fit the bill compared to my younger friends. 
Which is why people aren’t shocked regarding older women getting married FOR THE SAME REASONS as they might be ‘shocked’ with younger brides getting married. Meaning I doubt they’ll tell the older brides the same thing they tell the younger brides. 
I myself personally don’t see the reason to hurry into marriage, but that’s just my opinion.  And I’m 20. 

Post # 9
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@Steph18:  No it isn’t, but some people feel that to get married, you should be in a very good financial position from THEIR perspective (what you deem financially stable might not be another person’s idea of financially stable) and that you should experience life a bit more before taking such a big commitment. 

Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I agree that most people are just trying to help… But advice from a strangers usually falls on deaf ears.

Being 25, I’m much different then I was at 18.. Or even 23 for that matter! But I would just let it roll off your shoulders! You’re an adult and can make your own choices! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with the previous poster who said that older individuals who say these things are usually doing so to offer insight, not insult. It’s annoying, I’m sure, but getting your hackles up and going home to cry about it is silly.

You’re going to get unsolicited advice about EVERYTHING in life. Just wait until you start having babies! lol

Try not to let other people’s comments bother you. These older people were 20 once, so they kind of know what it’s like to be that age. Yes, everyone experiences life differently, but I don’t think these people are meaning to hurt you. I think they just mean you should relax and slow down a bit (not to say you shouldn’t get married now). If you’re happy with your life and what direction it is going on, than why does it matter what a stranger has to say?

Post # 13
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@KimberBee:  I agree. I don’t think people mean it in a nasty/vicious way (for the most part). And I also agree, people can change (for better or worse) in the span of a few years. This is a period of time when we are still developing in many many ways, whereas older brides tend to be more ‘settled’ with regards to personality changes etc. Not saying that they can’t change at all whatsoever, but the personality changes they undergo at that stage are more likely to be less drastic than the ones a younger bride might undergo during their 20’s. 

Besides, as the PP said, if you are as certain in your decision as you say you are, why should it matter or bother you what other people say? and why let it make you cry? Sure, you might think they’re rude but a lot of people are ‘rude’ these days, you can’t deal with each and every one of them, or cry about it. Just my 2 cents. 

Post # 15
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Steph18:  Well, people saying things like that is totally different from saying you’re too young….

Post # 16
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

It’s about identity development.

Identity isn’t full developed in the early 20s. Ideally, young couples will support each other as they figure out who they are. Realistically, there is often some resentment, which can cause trouble. The average person hasn’t studied identity development, but they can probably remember the period of changes they went through in their 20s.

Some probably made some mistakes in their 20s and might not want the same for others…not that they know how your situation will play out, of course.

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