(Closed) If im too young, you're too old!!

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 33
Member
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Before I get married, I want to finish uni, finish med school, travel a lot, start a hobby, learn a new language, volunteer a lot… Whatever comes to mind. Yes, I have an SO now, but I honestly don’t want to get married until I’ve finished med school. I want to relax and take my time over it. I don’t feel any rush whatsoever, or any sort of hurry. I can enjoy travelling with him, spending time with him, etc, all without the need to get married to him. I want to do things by MYSELF, and things with him too, before I can say I want to settle down. I don’t mind getting engaged whenever (though in my eyes it would definitely be too soon right now, at least a year and a half MINIMUM), as I have nothing against long engagements, but marriage? Not now, no. 

Post # 34
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Steph18:  Well for me they would be packing up my car and leaving the state I lived in for 27 years and heading west to AZ to be a travelnurse where I found a place where I love living at.  Meeting now people along the way that I still keep in touch with.  Being terrified of not knowing hardly anyone in a new city and learning to make new friends and get my way around someplace unfamiliar.

Becoming a pediatric nurse and gaining experience in my career the past 11 years.

Finding my faith at a later age.  This is huge, I’m so thankful I’m marrying as a Christian now.  I feel me and my FI’s faith is a foundation for us to build our marriage on.  I never had that when I was younger. 

Traveling to Kenya with a group of people I didn’t know all that well  to serve  on a missiontrip and meet my sponsorchild in person. Building a playground there for a small village, handing out bibles to people who had never owned one in their life. Teaching hygiene to young children.  Playing soccer with children who are thrilled with the simple gift of a soccer ball. Realizing how truly blessed I am to live where I live and just how much I take what I have for granted. 

Granted, some of these I could have done while married(such as the nurse thing).  But if I was tied down in my 20s some of these would have never happened.

Post # 35
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i get lots of comments about us being to young and rushing into it, we are both 22, we have a 19month old daughter have lived together for 4 years and known each other for a very long time, he works and i have completed my education. i dont see why everyone thinks i am too young, its completly individual. someone in thier 30s may feel too young to settle down whereas someone in thier early 20s can feel completely comfortable settling down with hubby and having kids. it depends on the person. if you feel what you are doing is right then go for it. you can only do what feels right at the time whatever the outcome. there will always be people making comments but they dont live your life. i suggest just smile and says you’re one of the lucky ones 😀 

 

xx

Post # 37
Member
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Steph18:  I’ve barely traveled either & was married at 29 😉

While I agree that people don’t necessarily mean it in a bad way, it’s still rude. It’s like they’re dismissing you as a child who doesn’t know anything. My mother is on hubby #4. Two years into it & she’s already saying she’s not happy (at age 50!). Emotional maturity doesn’t always come with age, life experience, etc. I would just tell these people that it’s none of thier business.

Post # 39
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think the problem is that many brides who are 25+ look back at our 18 year old selves and go “OMFG WHAT A MISTAKE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN!”. Many, many people are not mature enough to get married at 18. Does that mean that EVERYONE is too immature? No. Just the vast majority.

My personal opinion is that you cannot judge someone based on their age, but must do so based on their maturity. My sister, god love her, is 23 and more immature than some 18 year olds I know. Myself, when I was 18, was more mature for my age than most of my friends.

If people tell you that you are too young, just tell them that age is a number, maturity is a state of mind.

Post # 40
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Mrs. Mink:  Nailed it.

It’s not about actually “experiences”, it means experience in that you actually don’t yet realise how much you will grow up even in just the next few years.  Most older brides don’t mean that they don’t think you will have a successful, long and happy marriage or say it from a place of jealousy.  I think you’ll find most people are saying it because they’re remembering what it was like to be 20 and thinking “wow I couldn’t imagine getting married when I was 20”.

Funnily I was talking with my friend (who got married at 22) the other day about the fact she said she got married so young that she is now a vastly different person than she was when she got married. Their marriage and relationship dynamic is different than it was when they were first married because they have had to discover who they are as people during that time. 

Unfortunately, people will remark on it particularly as it’s more common to wait longer to get married now. 

Post # 41
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Steph18:  I didn’t list the bad, lol. But let’s just say those made me stronger and I was able ro learn from my mistakes. 

 

Everyone is different and want different things in life. If that is what you want, then dont let other’s comments get you down. Sounds like you had to grow up pretty quickly in life. 

 

I think what is most important isrecognizing what you ultimately want in life and that you have realistic expectations of marriage. 

Post # 42
Member
10849 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

At the request of the OP this thread is closed.

The topic ‘If im too young, you're too old!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors