(Closed) If it cost you over $1000…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

We went to a destination wedding which cost about that much per person and the couple did not expect gifts. We brought a card but didn’t even give htem that becasue our luggage got lost. I am still debating if we should send them something after the fact though so I’m interested to see your response.

Post # 4
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If it was going to cost me $1500 to attend a wedding I prob wouldnt go unless it was a Destination Wedding and we made a vacation out of it. In that case I would buy a gift.

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes…I’d also give a gift.

Post # 6
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’d either spend the money to go (if the person was a REALLY good friend!) or buy them a gift. Not both.

Well, I’d probably give them a card, either way, but no check or anything inside. Just a congratulary hallmark.

Post # 8
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

In an ideal world, couples should never expect to receive gifts from anyone. But in this case, I seriously doubt that the couple is expecting a gift from you if you’re coming from out of the country. I would be incredibly touched if our international guests came to our wedding. A heartfelt message in a card is fine.

Post # 10
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

I can understand that you’d feel weird going without a gift. You should definitely give a card, no matter what. I went to 4 ‘destination’ weddings this year (they were all out of state and cost us quite a bit to get to) and while we gave a bit less than we would have liked, we still included a gift card in their card. I would personally feel very uncomfortable if I was the only person not giving a gift, you know? And I think that by agreeing to travel to the wedding and paying the money to do so, you are expressing your love to your friend, but at the same time, a $50 gift card (or something small) doesn’t seem like such a big committment in comparison to the wedding costs, you know? We made a vacation out of a wedding that was in Maine by going to Boston. I would have felt guilty not giving a card with a gift card in it, just because we had already spent so much money on our vacation. And my friend who got married on an island off the coast of Maine? I was at her house a few weeks after and their bedroom was stacked with gifts. So I don’t think people don’t give a gift at all, but they certainly may tone down how much they spend. Personally, we’re having a beach wedding and I don’t expect many gifts but I think most of our friends and family will still slip us a small gift in a card. Sorry, I don’t know if this was helpful or not!

Post # 11
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would still give a gift if I attended, but I also may not choose to attend a wedding that costs that much if it were not for a close friend or family member.

That said, I would not expect a gift from someone who I knew spent a lot to travel to my wedding. My wedding was out of town for nearly everyone, in an expensive city, and I know that it was difficult for some of my friends to spend the money to attend. Those friends did not give gifts, and I would have been very surprised if they had! That goes double for friends that traveled from out of the country. I had one friend who attended from out of the country, and I was just grateful that she was willing to pay for the plane ticket to come at all.

Post # 12
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think this depends on your personal financial situation. You should not have to put yourself in a perilous place financially to attend a wedding.

If you can afford the $1500 and a gift, then that is the right thing to do, if not, then I would just get a small token gift – something more meaningful than valuable.

Post # 13
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

If I was the couple throwing the wedding, I would 100% NOT expect a gift. If I was attending, I’d still give cash. Just because if I am close enough to the person to spend $1500 to go to their wedding, what is another $100?

Post # 14
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you have to… but personally I would do something.

Post # 15
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

*I should probably note that I can count on 1 hand the number of people I’d spend that much to travel to their wedding for… so its not like this would probably be an issue for me often if ever. 

Post # 16
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Hmm while I’m sure they don’t expect anything, if you are close enough to them to spend that much getting there I would want to give a gift, not cash but maybe a meaningful token gift

 

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