(Closed) If it cost you over $1000…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I did this last year.  I made a vacation out of the trip, and I definitely gave a gift – even though I was invited with my parents (who came from out of state but not out of country), who also gave a gift.  I would feel ridiculous going to ANY wedding without a gift, and if it’s the wedding of someone I would spend that much money on just to go, I don’t think I could show my face without giving something.

Post # 33
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think my gift would be significantly smaller if I paid a good amount to travel.  Normally what would be a $100 gift would probably come out to be more like a $30-$50 gift. 

Post # 34
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would only go to a wedding that cost that much in travel costs if I was really close to the person (like my sister or a really good friend). Otherwise I’d decline.

So in that case, I would still get a gift, but it would probably just be in the $50 range. I usually spend $100-$150 on wedding gifts for a local wedding.

Post # 35
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t go to a wedding that cost me $1500 just to attend, unless it was immediate family or a VERY close friend. In the event I did go, I’d just bring a card.  I don’t think it’s a matter of if you could afford a gift, I think it’s a matter of should you have to, considering the amount of money you’re spending just to be present.

Post # 36
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’ve done it (and will do it again soon) and gave the same sort of gift I normally would.  The difference, however, is that I wouldn’t have attended unless it was a family member or very close friend.

Post # 37
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Chances are if I had the money to spend of a $1000 flight and $500 hotel room I would have the money to get them a gift, even if it is a small one. And I would hate feeling like I didn’t support them in some way even if I did spend the money to fly and stay. But that is just me.

Post # 38
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Post # 39
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We had a desitnation wedding and we did NOT expect gifts at all.  However, we received gifts from everyone.

Post # 41
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you do buy them a gift…make it something simple like a picture frame or something like that.

Post # 42
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We’re inviting lots of people from far away, and I don’t expect gifts from them. Especially the younger people, and ESPECIALLY students like me. For those people, I am trying to emphasize and re-emphasize that they should NOT buy us presents. Their presence is our present. 

If you simply go to the trouble to attend, and bring them a nice greeting card, I’m sure that the couple will be very touched. I know I would be!

Post # 43
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

To me, the stress of NOT bringing a gift outweighs the money, but that’s just me.  I don’t think you have to give a gift, but it’s nice.  Maybe something from your country?  Something sentimental or a kind of “good luck” token?

Post # 44
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

If my husband and I were to attend a wedding of our friends on the East coast, it’d cost us about $1000 total for the two of us, but I’d still get a nice gift for the couple. The reason is that in order for us to be willing to travel that far, it’d have to be a friend (or family member) that we’re quite close to. And I’d really want to get a gift for them if they were someone we were really close to.

If you’re looking for advice, I would suggest getting an inexpensive item off their registry and a thoughtful card. Most couples register for some items in the $25 range, so hopefully that should be possible.

Post # 45
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would probably still give them something small. Even if it was just a $15 registry gift.

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