(Closed) If money isn’t the issue I’m not sure what is…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Im sorry you are having a tough day!!! The one thing that stood out from me in your post is that you put the relationship in front of your dream grad program.  Please find a way to get yourself into the program…this is a decision you will never regret.  Is there some reason you can’t becasue of your relationship??  PUT YOURSELF FIRST!!!

Secondly you need to let your SO know what you expect as far as him returning your calls/texts.  Not getting back to you in a timely manner is NOT acceptable boyfriend behavior.  This would TICK me off!!

Hope things get better ((hugs))

Post # 4
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When you had your big honest talk…. who did most of the talking? He’s sending mixed signals and that is not cool! But you’re clearly holding a grudge about the grad program and it will only get worse. Right now, you’re upset over lack of engagement, but what happens after you’re married and he doesn’t really change? You’ll keep looking back at that dream program that you didn’t do for him.

You need to feel happy as yourself and not depend on him for happiness and feelings of self worth.

You’ve given a lot for your relationship, he needs to meet you at least halfway. Returning calls and texts in a timely manner is basic bf behavior 101.

Post # 5
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling down. We ALL have these days, and you are entitled to question your relationship at times. My fiance said for a long time “I’m just not ready” and I always took it as “you don’t want to marry me” but that wasn’t it at all. He just wasn’t ready mentally. He proposed one year after that. Guys just need time. More than we do.

As for not replying to your text messages and answering your calls, maybe he is just busy?? I’m sure he always replied eventually? My fiance works really hard when at work and can’t always talk, or text back right away but when he can he will.As long as he is excited when he does talk to you, and is happy to hear your good news (like the raise you talked about) then I think that’s good. Just be forward about what YOU want and expect.

My fiance and I were together for 2 years before he proposed, but just because you have been together for 3 years doesn’t mean anyone is more ready than the other.

Good luck!


Post # 6
64 posts
Worker bee

@hottlips:  I agree with Misskittykakes… I think that you need to put yourself first.  It’s so easy to get swept up within a relationship and lose yourself.  I’ve done it many a time.  It’s not a bad thing that you want to spend more and more time with him, just make sure you’re doing what you need to do for YOU including that awesome grad program.

It might just be that he’s not ready at the moment.  Proposals take a LOT of time on their part.  It’s a lot of work.  I”m looking forward to hearing all the details that SO is putting into our engagement after he does it.  I think we often forget the amount of time it takes to plan, save money, and execute it the way they want.  Even if money doesn’t seem like an issue, remember that it is HIS money he’s putting out there.  Sometimes men like to buy things for themselves before they propose i.e. that bike.  My SO has a pretty expensive/irritating (lol) hobby. I would always get upset when he’d buy something for his hobby- but it’s his money, I’ve recently stopped getting irritated because what’s the point?  I’ve had friends have the same problems.  Then you  mention why he’s not spending it on a Ring or Proposal- get ready for some “it’s my money” talk on his part.  Really though, you can’t blame them for that it is their money- not our money yet. 

As for the not answering texts, I’d have an issue with that- but that’s just me.  If it bothers you, communicate and tell him how you feel… That’s the only things will get resolved.  Hope this helps! Sending you ((hugs))!  We all have bad days…

Post # 7
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It doesn’t sound like you two have actually had a solid talk about marriage. I think that you should – it doesn’t need to be presented as, “Hey, propose already!”, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with letting him know that you’d like to egt married in the next couple of years or whenever you see it happening, and asking how he feels about that.

The topic ‘If money isn’t the issue I’m not sure what is…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors