(Closed) If one of you HAD to be the Stay at Home Spouse

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: I would rather be...

    The SAHS

    The working spouse

  • Post # 48
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I am chronically ill, so I stay home. I deal with the domestic duties, though some days it is hard. If my husband were to stay at home, I am not sure anything would get done at all! OMG and if we had kids? Our home would be a straight up disaster. 

    Post # 49
    95 posts
    Worker bee

    Our relationship would be more harmonious with him as SAHS than me. I wouldn’t mind doing it though if it was a different way, and he’d definitely have to step up his housework efforts. Honestly I dont think it’d work for us, i can’t imagine it working for more than a couple of months without some resentment, from either side.

    Post # 50
    1073 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would be the SAHS! My husband is a college coach and I would never ask him to give up his passion. Plus, I keep the house clean and I would like to be a Stay-At-Home Mom mom (not permanently) one day anyway.

    Post # 51
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Well I would not mind not having to work, but I could never be a housewife as I lack domestic goddess skills. Oh I wouldn’t mind cooking, gardening and looking after the cats but I would need a housekeeper.

    Post # 52
    4027 posts
    Honey bee

    @Bubbles42:  Well, I currently make almost twice what my DH makes and I have if we had a n quite ambitious career goals. DH is a hard worker but only works to pay bills and doesnt have specific career goals. So I would prefer to be the working spouse, though we would only do that if we had a child. DH is actually contemplating working part time if we have children.

    Post # 53
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d rather be the one working, but I’d want him to be busy with hobbies at least, and I’d only do it if he already had a significant amount of savings as I don’t plan on joining accounts.

    Post # 54
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I’d prefer to be the one working, but if money were equal I think our lives would be better if I were the one staying home.

    Right now we both work but I’m really the one who does all of our life management/planning– I do most of the budgeting (though we make major decisions together), I plan our volunteer work and charitable contributions, I plan our personal and career goals and the steps for us getting there, I research and schedule all of our fitness, social, volunteer, artistic and romantic activities…

    I think if Fiance had to take over those duties he mostly wouldn’t bother, and we’d end up with a clean home but a pretty empty life. If it were me staying home, we’d have a fulfilling life outside of work, lots of great food…and have to hire someone to clean, haha.

    Post # 55
    456 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

     I have been both. I loved working.  Currently, I am the SAHS/SAHM and i can tell you… Its not all peaches and cream. Dont get me wrong I love my kids, but man I miss working. As wonderful as they are. cleaning the same wall 5 times a day, or picking up the same frieiking toys several times a day or cleaning shit off of walls and kids arses or saying the same instruction word for word over and over an over again untill im blue in the face or answering the same question 15 times in a row in the hope you will give a different answer can get really tough. I have days when I really miss the adult company and interaction.

    In saying this, Im lucky enough to have witnessed all of their milestones and have been able to watch them grow from tiny helpless little babies to little people with thier own thoughts, personalities etc.  And every night I get to have what I want for dinner cause im the one cooking it!

    In an Ideal world, I would like both lives.. that is work for 3-4 days and Stay-At-Home Mom for the rest 


    Post # 56
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    No interest in being the SAHS.  


    1.  I make more money.  

    2.  I PERSONALLY think it would be a waste of my degrees, the career I’ve tried and continue to try to build, and the money I have invested in my education.  

    3.  I would be bored out of my mind.  

    4.  I do not need to quit working in order to take care of a house. My house is always immaculate, and I have a full time job and two seasonal (teaching) part-time jobs.  


    Post # 57
    6518 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Bubbles42:  let me first say, i love, love, love my job…but if DH came to and said that I could be a SAHS I would. Because we do plan to have kids and I would love nothing mkre than to take care of my own kids than have to put them in daycare, as well as taking care of the house and having dinner ready for DH every night

    Post # 58
    5373 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would LOVE to stay home. I know lots of people say they can’t imagine not working and having to spend all day at home, but I don’t understand why anyone wants to work. Somehow I think I hate working more than most people. I actually really enjoy my job, I just hate working aha. My Fiance really enjoys working and finds it satisfying and so he definitely wouldn’t want to stay home. Thankfully, he’s super supportive of me staying home or working part-time, so that could be in my future 😀

    Post # 59
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I can see us both wanting to be the SAHS… Although that’s more becuase we’ve talked about how either one of us would comfortable as a SAHM/SAHD. It’s going to depend on money as to what we’d be able to do.

    Post # 60
    2013 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Fiance does not cook and rarely cleans unless I specifically ask him to, so the honor of SAHS would go to me. Although I am the one with a college degree, so I feel like I might have a hard time with it, especially knowing that the money he alone is earning is paying off student loan debt for a useless degree…

    Post # 61
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    No question it would be me that stays at home. I run quite a tight ship in my house, I do about 80% of the housework not because he is lazy, but beause i enjoy housework (weird i know) I do most of the cooking, cleaning and all the laundry. He makes alot more money than me and we have joint accounts so i can spend pretty much whatever I want. This is the agreement we made long ago – he makes most of the money, i spend whatever i want, i do the housework. But if need help with anything, i ask him to do something and he does it straight away. There are also a few man chores I dont do such as  taking out the trash, and any outside work.

    I would LOVE to be a stay at home wife!

    Post # 62
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Typically I would say that I’d rather work as I go stir crazy. However, knowing my Fiance, out of the two of us I would rather stay home. He has absolutely no domestic motivation haha. Particularly in the cleaning arena.

    Out of the two of us, I would be the better stay at home

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