Post # 1
Can you imagine?
“You’re already having sex? Why would she want to buy the cow when the milk’s free?”
“You moved in with her already?! It’s like you’re auditioning for the role of husband!”
“You’re STILL not engaged?! Why, what happened? Are you afraid she’ll say no? Did you already ask and she turned you down?” *end with a ‘there, there’ pat to the shoulder*
“You better get a move on- those sperm aren’t getting any younger!”
And it does seem very gender related! I have two close friends who got engaged last month (same sex male couple) after 3 years together and notbody hassled either of them, all they got was a post-engagement “I always knew you two would get hitched!” and “we knew you were perfect together” but I also have a female friend in a lesbian relationship (2ish years together) and they BOTH get asked about engagement, marriage etc etc- including the nosy ‘so who’s going to ask who?’
Anyone else have a fave pet peeve to add?
Post # 2
As a woman in a hedro relationship I never heard this or said this to any one. This is common? I’m an only child and my father really wanted me to have grand children for him but when I gave my stance on adoption he dropped it. Couples go with the timeline they are comfortable with, why should others judge?
Post # 3
Hmm, no one made any remarks of this sort to me. If anything, I was a little worried about getting pregnant after 35, and everyone assured me that I was plenty young and shouldn’t be concerned. FWIW, I have heard several men getting slightly harrassed if friends and family think a marriage proposal should have already occurred.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2016 - Long Island, NY
Before we got engaged, people I hadn’t seen for a bit used to grab my hand and inspect it for a ring and then laugh and say, “Just making sure I didn’t miss the big news yet!” Wtf?
Post # 5
Ohh I hate that!!
i just got back from holidays with my SO and before I left EVERYONE was asking me if he was going to propose rarara
and then when I got back they were he didn’t ? Why not? Literally i joked that my whole workplace had a bet going (with me being the only betting no)
i asked him since we got back if he had been asked and literally one friend and one lady in his office politely asked him before he left and then just accepted his answer! Arg so frustrating
ok Ive never had those specific things about sex and cows said ever – but definitely lots of questions on when where why
Post # 6
My Fiance actually got asked often when he was going to pop the question and how he “better get a move on” before proposing.
I think most of the “you’re not getting any younger!” comments solely directed towards women are because we biologically can’t have children after a certain age (or risks increase, etc) while men can reproduce when they’re 70.
FWIW, I’ve never heard any of those comments you mentioned IRL
Post # 7
And 99% of the time it is women saying that to other women, when it is said at all because I don’t think it’s a common as daytime TV makes it out to be.
Post # 8
I don’t watch daytime TV at all so I don’t understand that reference??? But you make a really good point about it usually being women saying it to other women- so maybe that’s why we tend to hear it more
the post-holiday remarks are so insensitive! if a couple gets engaged on holidays, of course they’ll happily announce it when they get back. If they’re not, it’s not very tactful to point it out!
I’ve actually had the ‘cow’ comment IRL- mainly from the older generation. The ‘auditioning to be a wife’ TBH I had only heard on the Bee, but a friend of mine who has lived her SO a number of years has said people have made these comments to her. I don’t live with my SO so I don’t hear that one personally. And it makes sense re women’s biological clocks/ age mattering- but such comments can also be hurtful or awkward to women who either can’t conceive/ choose not to/ or haven’t had the opportunity yet. It’s a rather odd thing for someone else to comment on a woman’s eggs though- but I have heard it (from one co-worker to another).
Post # 9
sorry, confused. Where do cows come in?
Post # 10
oh, they’re totally rude I agree. I’m just saying that’s why no one says those things to men.
Post # 11
I got many pre-holiday remarks at one point. Along the lines of ‘enjoy your engagement holiday!’. I didn’t much appreciate it, as part of me felt like we’d come back as disappointments, when I just wanted to enjoy myself!
My friends ask me a lot ‘Do you think you’ll get married?’, and I try to be all non-chalant about it, but I’m sobbing inside, lol.
My SO might get asked too when I’m not there, but I don’t think he’d tell me about it.
Post # 12
Cows – as in why buy the milk…
I literally didn’t realise that was a saying still used before joining the bee!
Post # 13
I agree with you, OP. People on this forum seem to love drama, and give sometimes extreme advices without even knowing the details (no offense to anyone, this just seems to be a very common thing on forums on the internet).
If a woman on here says that her boyfriend hasn’t proposed after three years, most women on here say ‘Move on and find someone who’s really into you’. I’m sure if a guy came here and said ‘I proposed after three years and she said she needs more time’ many women on here would say ‘Give her some time, maybe she just needs to clear her mind’.
It’s the same in real life though- I’m a 27 years old, have been in a relationship for almost three years, not married yet, and everytime I meet my grandma she looks at me with her super sad face, asking me while I’m still not married and that I really have to do something about that. At the same time, my brother is 31 years old and has been with his girlfriend for a couple of years too, no engagement or marriage planned yet, and she NEVER asks him, nor does she ever make any comment about that.
Post # 14
For what it’s worth, FI’s work rode him HARD every holiday for about four years about proposing and getting me a ring. The only comments I ever got were from his family, within about 4 – 6 months of the proposal… And that was basically them making sure it was something I wanted before they gave him a hard time. I totally have seen his mother get more interrogated about it than I ever was.
Post # 15
Believe it or not, telling people to mind their own business (other than parents who won’t be stopped by this), usually works.