If Someone Close to You Eloped…

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - NH Squam Lake Elopement

If you know this is 100% the right choice, then follow your heart. You can’t make everyone happy. It’s not easy to come to terms with it, especially when it’s your family. 

Post # 3
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
theonlywayisorange :  I think when you make the decision to elope you have to go into it knowing some people are going to be upset or hurt by the decision because they want to be there for your special day. I doubt you’ll be able to change your sisters mind, I’d leave it be.

Post # 4
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

I’d just have a quick one time talk with her about it. It’s no surprise bc she knows you guys are planning to get married anyway. Itts not completely out of left field. If she wants the party, im sorry, but its not her decision to make. She can wait for her own marraige and wedding day lol. She should respect what you and your finace want. A party is a party. 

Post # 5
Member
5420 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, I knew the date ahead of time and I was fine with it. Others were a bit hurt but I was fine with it. Now had some friends been included and not me I’d then be hurt. 

Post # 6
Member
897 posts
Busy bee

If it were a friend and they invited no other friends, no. I wouldn’t be upset in the least (this has happened to me, so I know in practice I would merely be happy for them.) I guess it wouldn’t bother me because it wouldn’t suggest to me I was less important than other people in that role in their life. I could still think of myself as very much one of their people.

But honestly, if my sibling hadn’t wanted me at their wedding, I would have been sad. I would have hid it so they didn’t know because I love them, but it would have hurt a lot. It would have felt like they were saying I wasn’t important to them in some way (honestly, I would have felt that even if my sibling just didn’t ask me to participate in the actual ceremony). But maybe I could have gotten over it if my sibling explained to me why it was so important to have it just be the two of them. 

Post # 7
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t be upset in the least. In fact, I wish more of my friends would elope, this sh** is getting expensive. My husband and I eloped and everyone was only happy for us. My sister who is also my BFF eloped and I was thrilled for her.

Post # 8
Member
10541 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t be upset at all if someone close to me eloped. It’s their wedding, they should do what makes them happy.

Post # 9
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I might be privately sad for a bit, but not upset WITH my friends or hurt by their actions at all. In the same way as: if my friends planned a dinner party and I got the stomach flu, and therefore wasn’t able to attend, I would be sad I missed out on it but happy that it went well. Not mad, not upset at them, not hurt by them. Thrilled that they got the experience they wanted. Regardless of how much I would theoretically love to party with a close friend/couple, I’d understand and be super happy and excited for them. I think MORE people should elope! 😀

I’m sorry your sister is giving you a hard time. Remember, it’s your wedding, and if you want to elope? Go for it. 

Post # 10
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

View original reply
theonlywayisorange :  Elopements will definitely make some people unhappy, but you gotta do what’s best for you and your fiance! Don’t let it get to you too much. I wouldn’t be upset though- I’d be happy that you were happy. 

This is why I always say, don’t tell anyone you’re eloping. I think it’s better to let people know after you’re married than to tell them that you aren’t inviting them to the ceremony. I get not wanting to blindside them, but knowing that you are choosing not to invite them may twist the knife a little bit more than just telling them you got married. 

Post # 11
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee

I was sad when my sister called me to tell me she was eloping. I wanted to be there to support her! But I wasn’t sad for long and there were other ways for me to support her than being there for a wedding that she didn’t want to have. I wouldn’t second guess your plans, and I’d let your sister know that you’ve made up your mind and her telling you all the reasons why she thinks its a bad idea aren’t helpful to you.

Post # 12
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

To me, the whole idea of an elopement is to show up one day and say “We’re married.” Telling people about it in advance opens the door to the guilt trips.

Post # 13
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

No, and frankly, it really surprises me that so many people do get upset. I can see getting upset if some siblings/friends are invited and you as a sibling/friend are not, but a couple-only elopement? Nope, doesn’t upset me at all. 

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