If Someone Close to You Eloped…

posted 6 months ago in Elopement
Post # 17
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

 Hasn’t happened yet but I definitely wouldn’t be upset or hurt if someone I’m close with chose to elope. I’m very much a “do you thing” kind of person and I certainly don’t feel that I entitled to be involved in something someone would rather keep private.

Post # 18
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

theonlywayisorange :  Well it’s a lose-lose situation then unfortunately if she’s upset. 🙁 At least by not telling her you’d save yourself the trouble of having to deal with her hurt feelings on your wedding day. 

Post # 19
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

She’ll be upset, and she’ll be upset for a while, but eventually she’ll get over it. The memories of marrying the right person the right way will last far longer than her being upset, and that’s what matters. If you’re eloping somewhere fun, you can always get a fun themed gift for family members who may have wanted to be there so even if they weren’t there, they still get to have a little piece of your day to know that you were thinking of them. We did seashell pendants since we got married on a beach.

Post # 20
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

I really REALLY wanted my dad to just elope instead of having a wedding because he:

-he had just moved a few states away

-did not have the budget for a wedding

-had been married 2 previous times with a third engagement that didn’t work out

I did not tell him I wanted him to elope, but when he asked unprompted if I would feel hurt if there wasn’t a wedding to go to, I said no. I figured if/when he did get married he would tell us a little before or right after the fact. So when he told us he had gotten married, I was happy for him- until he told us he’d been married for about a year without telling me or my siblings. Her kids knew though!

And even as crappy as that made me feel, I still love him and we have a good relationship. So you’re not out of line or anything and your sister will probably get over it soon. I hope my experience can help you in some way, lol

Post # 21
Member
4041 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t be upset at all. How someone marries is not something I would be concerned about. I wish more people would do this.

Post # 22
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

I’d be upset if my sister eloped, because I see a marriage as the merging of families, not just a commitment by the couple. It’s a different philosophy of what the day means, I guess. 

My sister would never elope, though. My uncle had a surprise wedding and didn’t invite my mum; 20+ years on and the relationship still hasn’t recovered. 

Post # 23
Member
1631 posts
Bumble bee

I wish most people would elope tbh. It’s expensive to attend these weddings. Between flights, hotel rooms, and my gift, it’s often 1K each wedding. And then they’re all kind of the same and sort of dull. 

Post # 24
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

I mean, it’s not like the only options are a massive wedding or an elopment right? I’m all for people saving money, and I don’t care what sort of wedding my siblings have as long as my presence is welcome at the ceremony. As for any other family member or close friend – I would not be offended if not invited. But not being invited to my sister’s wedding would break my heart, and I know she would feel the same way. 

Post # 27
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Yes, I had a friend who eloped after telling everyone that they were planning a wedding. She had asked me to be in her bridal party, as well. When we were hanging out, I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring with her engagement ring and I asked her “oh, did you guys get married?” and she lied to my face and said no, that they had just bought their rings and she was giving it a test drive. Weird, but ok. The next time I saw her, she was wearing it again, and I asked her about it again. Again, she said no.

Come to find out, they HAD gotten married and that’s why she’d been wearing it. Another friend of ours had been there to celebrate with them, as well. I was so hurt by this that we really haven’t been as close since then. If you want to elope, that’s your choice to do so. I wouldn’t be mad, but to then lie to me repeatedly about it pissed me off. And then to find out that of her 2 best friends, she’d invited the other friend and not me upset me even more.

Post # 28
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

I might be slightly disappointed inside to have missed a celebration for people I love, BUT I would keep that inside and be thrilled for them and their happiness. A couple needs to choose to marry the way that is best for them, even if I get left out. It’s not about me. Your sister needs to remember that not everything is about her. You and your fiance have to have the wedding that is right for you.

Post # 29
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I’ve never seen myself having a big wedding and honestly didn’t know if we would get married.  Once we got engaged, our “keep it small” plans exploded because we were trying to make sure everyone was happy and my parents kept insisting people needed to be invited.  We consdidered eloping but I really wanted my immediate family there for the wedding so we are having a small ceremony and dinner at a restaurant after.  That being said, we have to keep reminding ourselvers that this is OUR wedding and no one is paying for it but us and we aren’t asking for anything because we don’t want anyone else to weigh in.  No one should be upset with whatever you do.  

Post # 30
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

personaperson :  i don’t get it whether it’s a friend or a sibling if they are literally having no one else at their wedding why would one hurt more. Either way it isn’t about you or personal against you since no one else is invited? Now if they invited a friend over a sibling I could bring hurt. 

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