(Closed) If someone has experienced a lot in life, why do people still assume age matters

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 92
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If you think that you are the most mature you will ever become right now, you will feel differently in a decade. I also was on my own at 21. I got married at 22. I thought I knew everything. I was soooo wrong. I was a fool not to listen to the advice of my elders. They all said I would understand one day, and NOW I DO! Nothing can replace life experiences. I have been through some terrible experiences before I made those decisions. I was very mature for my age (or so I thought). People seem to grow and change over time. The person you are now will not be the same when you are 32. That is just how it is. I am sure at 40 I will be way more grown than I am now. 

Post # 93
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@nerdwife12:  My 20’s were HARD. I experienced lots of things in my 20’s most do not & that some don’t experience until 50’s…if ever.  People say that time is what matures you but I disagree. If that were true we would see really mature adults in their 50’s and 60’s and believe me….immaturity abounds! 

I’ve seen very mature 15 year olds, immature 30 year olds. I do agree we learn at different rates. 

I don’t feel your post was begging for approval. I mean…shit…what is this site for if not to get (very) opinionated approval from total strangers…online? Why do ppl post their problems, pics and stories asking for insight? “Does this dress make my butt look big?”, “Is orange an ok color to ask a Bridesmaid or Best Man to wear?”, “Is what I did ok?”… On some level…it’s approval of one’s viewpoint, choices and perspective. 

I think the ones it rubs the wrong way are…projecting. Or maybe I can just relate with annoying assumptions people make. I simply don’t get it. 

The latest is a good friend assuming my life is perfect now that I’m engaged. Lol

This all reminds me of the quote that reads something along the lines of people are always fighting battles you know nothing about. 

Post # 94
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@StephieBee:  I DO agree that people will judge… We ALL do it. And that there is no prevention. 

I do not, however, kindly agree with suggesting someone grow tougher skin. That’s like punching someone in the face unexpectedly and telling them , “Get a tougher jaw”. 

People can judge and we can learn to ignore them. Maybe that is what OP is struggling with right now? But when I hear, ” Get tougher skin” it always sounds like the person saying it is just looking for a way to excuse poor behavior or poor choices in words. 

Im not looking for a fight or argument…just giving my 20 cents. You can certainly disagree! 

Post # 95
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t care about your past in terms of how “grown up” I think you are, I care about your NOW.
Plenty of people have gone through difficult things in their life… it doesn’t mean they learned anything from it. You can only show others what you learned in your present – your everyday actions and words.

Show anyone that you’re a mature, responsible person instead of demanding they see you as such, they’ll be more receptive of it.

Quite frankly, right now I’m not seeing it, from both your original post and the replies you’ve been giving various posters. You’ve got aways to go, and that’s fine (we all do/did at some point), but understanding and accepting that about yourself is the first step to getting there.

Post # 96
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I’m 22 and I’ve been through plenty of grown up experiences, but I’m also realistic and know that I’m only 22! I have years untill I give off the vibe of being a functional adult and I’m cool with that. who cares if other people think you’re an adult, if you feel more mature than the average stupid 20 something’s then act like it. Don’t expect people to measure your maturity, especially based on your posts. Just live your adult life and let your jealous friends be 22.

Post # 97
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have been through an awful lot in my life as well, most of it in my first 23 years. 
That didn’t mean that I was emotionally mature though, in fact I firmly believe that I had to mature BEFORE my experiences actually meant further growth. While I can look back now and see how those experiences have shaped me and allowed me to learn some things that a lot of people my age still havne’t learnt, I am also of the opinion that in some ways I took longer to learn other important life skills due to having missed out on the opportunity to do so while I was experiencing things far beyond my maturity level. 

Another thing I see when I look back is that some of those issues were, if not caused by, then certainly exacerbated by my age and maturity level. 

My point is that experience does not always = maturity and sometimes it is important to listen to the people around us for clues about our behaviour.

Post # 98
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Going through hard times can help you mature, however, it doesn’t make you an adult.  A 12 year old who has been what you’ve been through is still not an adult.  Why not?  A 12 year old still had a lot of growing to do: especially mentally.  At 22, you’re still developing.

If you find yourself using the term, “mature for your age,” you are young.  And there is NOTHING wrong with being young!

Honestly!  Being young is wonderful: you have all the opportunity in the world, the energy, and the ambition.  Why not embrace being 22?

This is an internet forum: no one would assume you’re 22 unless you came out and say it… which you did… twice. No one would judge you for it unless you posted about it… twice…

Why do you care what a bunch of strangers have to say about your age anyway? Smile

Post # 99
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Here’s the problem: everyone thinks they are mature, different, and special. 

Everyone else is seeing you in a filter called, “everyone else.”

Our opinions don’t matter.  Stranger’s opinions don’t matter.  The only opinions that matter are you, your fiance’s, your close friends, and your family.  These people know you and your relationship better than anyone else. 

If your close friends and family are telling you there’s an issue, you should listen.  Otherwise, the rest of us don’t matter in the grand scheme.

Post # 100
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

OP, all I can say is this:

The more you seek validation from others, the less together you seem. Sorry.

I’m young. I got married at 18. I’m 21 and I have two college degrees, we just bought our first home, we own both of our own cars, blah blah blah blah blah.

I live an adult life, which means doing adult things and not expecting fanfare for it. I don’t need validation or reassurance from other people – if they want to assess my situation at face value and make some assumption of my maturity level and mental capacity, they are free to go right on ahead. Whether they are right or wrong has zero – and I do mean zero – effects on how I live my life or the level of happiness I feel while doing so.

I’d suggest you do the same.

Post # 101
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@nerdwife12:  Just because you have gone through some horrible things doesnt always make you more mature. It can/will change how you live you life and choices you make. I’m 21(will be 22 when I marry), and I have gone/seen horrible things in my life. My house burning down, make the choice to “pull the plug” on my mother one month after I turned 16(my father wanted my sibling and I to have a say), being abuised by a man I thought I loved, and recently finding out I have heart diease. I’m mature in some ways, for moving out when I was 18 1200 miles away from home, getting a job, paying all my bills on time, and being smart with my spending. I know as I age I will become more mature thats how life is. Even people who are older still learn and become more so as well. Not saying all people who are older are mature but live your life, learn from it.

Post # 102
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

In my general experience, the people who are truly “mature” don’t seek the approval of others nor do they care what others think of them. They realize life is too short to waste your time on that, and someone’s always going to have an opinion.

Post # 103
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@vorpalette:  I agree!  I think it’s really easy to forget that everyone goes through difficult times.  Maybe they don’t broadcast them for the rest of the world to see, but just because my lift has had difficult times doesn’t make me magically more mature than everyone else … and it would be very short-sighted to assume that I am the only person my age to have gone through difficult life experiences.  I tend to assess maturity based on character and kindness.

 

Post # 104
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@nerdwife12:  Ehh, everyone has their sob stories (and I don’t mean that as a negative thing toward you). By the time I was 15:

-I had experienced my parents go through a NASTY divorce.

-I had been surrounded by my heroine addict father and his prostitute girl friend.

-I was 7-years-old and finding heroine needles around his house. Being taken into downtown Baltimore in the middle of the night for a heroine or coke run, while I sat in the backseat of the car.

-I was born with a VERY rare congenitive disease that resulted in MANY serious surgeries and 30+ fractures – usually my femurs, which left me in a bodycast for months at a time.

-Then in one of my surgeries the doctor made a mistake, which has left me in a wheelchair for the past 14 years.

-I deal with effing idiots every day of my life. Their stares, their comments, their opinions.

Has all of this made me more mature? No. Was I mature at 15 because I had dealt with all of this BS? Heck no! It didn’t make me mature, it has made me strong and resilient. There is a big difference. I was still stupid at 22 and undoubtedly I’m still stupid at 27. You just have to move on and make the best of things. No one really cares if you think you’re mature, everyone thinks of themselves as mature. Your actions should speak for themselves.

I think the fact that you felt the need to even start this thread shows that you aren’t quite as mature as you might think. You shouldn’t need any validation.

Post # 105
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@nerdwife12:  You have gone through a lot for such a young age.  I am 42, and I have had a very hard go in my early days.  I will say that at your age, I was a know it all, and very immature.

 

I will say this, I don’t judge anyone here or anywhere in my life.  If you ask my opinion.  I will give it to you honestly.  Since I do not know you personally, I cannot nor will not make a judgement on if you are mature or not.

 

If you were to put myself and you side by side and given the exact same problem, I am almost certain that our way of solving this problem would be very different.  We are each individual, and we all approach life differently.

 

I don’t necessarliy think that age = maturity.  Nor do I think that bad experiences makes one more mature.  Nor do I believe that a 50 year old is more mature than a 22 year old just because they are older.

 

I think that accountabily / responsibility, and how we each cope and maneuver in the world is more of a determining factor in maturity.  How we handle daily life, and the little catastrophies as time goes by makes us who we are.  When you accept that life is not all you may think it should be, and deal with the little problems (sometimes big porblems) determines a lot (IMO) how mature a person is.  Also, always being willing to learn, and be wrong is a reflection of one’s maturity.

 

But you are who you are.  At any age.  People do stereotype, and just be cause you are in your 20’s by no means, means that you are stupid.  It is just where you are in the journey of life.  And just because one says or thinks one way about you, doean’t mean that you have to take it to heart.  You are so young, enjoy being young.  As time goes by so fast.

 

Just be you.  You are young.  You have so much more life and learning ahead of you.  And don’t let other opinions deter you from you own path.

 

Post # 106
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Coral99: 

I don’t agree that “That’s like punching someone in the face unexpectedly and telling them , “Get a tougher jaw”. — I get what you’re saying, but I think the analogy doesn’t work because it’s not like people normally go around punching people. People DO, however, go around acting nasty and judging people to their face (or online, or whatever).

I’m not condoning other people’s behavior or the way they treat others, but it all comes down to learning not to let it get to you – a.k.a. “growing a tougher skin.” 

I work in the entertainment industry, where my work (and by extension, myself) is judged very harshly, by everyone, all the time. While it may not be the same as being judged for age (though I have experienced that as well), it’s all we can do to learn to toughen up and take things with a grain of salt. 

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