- 7 years ago
Last night my boyfriend and I had a talk that opened up a whole other can of worms in the development of our relationship.
Here’s a little back story:
I moved in with my Boyfriend or Best Friend back in June. Before I moved in, I asked him what it meant for him. He told me that he saw us getting married, and I really believe he meant it, and wasn’t blowing smoke up my arse. We have since talked about it loosely, like how we want our wedding, who we want there, our future as spouses, etc…but no real date talks.
Recently we got a dog together. Before we got this dog, I wanted an English Bulldog for years. I have always just wanted one–I think they’re cute, funny personality, generally lazy, and just the dog for me. I was really adamant about it being MY dog. I wanted to purchase it with no help from the Boyfriend or Best Friend because I wanted to make sure I would have “custody” if anything ever happened. Not that I was anticipating that something would happen, it was just a precaution. He said he felt like that meant I wasn’t fully ready to commit to him because I wanted it to be MY dog as opposed to OUR dog thus holding back from further creating a bond in our relationship.
Well, we didn’t get an English bulldog, we adopted an English pointer from the Humane society and as much as I hate to say it, I really don’t like this dog. It’s nothing like I wanted. It’s too hyper, and looks nothing like an English Bulldog which I have literally fallen in love with.
Because of the BF’s job, he is away for 24 hour periods, so taking care of the dog (or, “dealing with” as I like to say) is my responsibility. I am starting to become a little bitter about this dog.
I told Boyfriend or Best Friend that I didn’t like the dog (we’ve only had him for a month) and I told him I wanted to try to find a home for him that better suited his needs (he is a hunting dog and we don’t hunt much less have a backyard).Boyfriend or Best Friend then went on to say, because I “made a commitment” to the dog and “went back on my commitment” it sends a red flag to him about our relationship and makes him hesitant to want to spend the rest of his life with me because I “have a tendency to go back on commitments.” He used an example of me buying throw pillows and rugs for the house and not liking them then returning them. He said I have a tendency to enter into things and “decide it’s not for me”–which so isn’t true.
He then went on to say that he wanted to wait a little while after I graduated to give me time to “figure things out.” I graduate in December. He said that when people graduate, they do some sort of “soul searching” as to what kind of person they want to be and how they want to fill up their extra time. Because I won’t be obligated to something like school anymore he thinks I will change as a person as far as my wants and he wanted to “give me time.” The only “changing” I want to do is get married. I know who I am, I know what I want, and that’s it! I already have a great job that I don’t plan on leaving so THAT won’t change. The only thing I can think of is I will pick up a few hobbies such as painting or Jujitsu–how is that going to change me? He said he wanted to give me time to “just be” rather than jump right into planning a wedding (which is what I want!).
Frankly, I think it’s HIM who needs to figure somethings out. I feel like HE is holding back from the relationship. If not “committing” to a dog sends a red flag to him that I won’t commit to him then THAT sends a red flag to me that he needs to be convinced that I’m what he wants. I don’t need some time to figure out anything, HE apparently needs time to figure things out.
I’m sorry this is so long, it’s more or less a rant to get it off my chest. I just don’t know what to think about out conversation and it’s been making me upset all day and he keeps asking me what’s wrong. Thanks for letting me vent bees. 🙂