(Closed) If the bride sent you this how would you feel?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I added this on after your post but just in case you didn’t see it..


If the taller girls already said they’d feel more comfortable in flats, I don’t see the need to mention that in the e-mail. And I don’t think you need to hint that you didn’t like the DB dresses – just tell them. But tell them in a way you would have a normal conversation with your friends, not like a boss rejecting a business proposal.

Glad you’re taking the advice and aren’t gonna send it, I think we just get so stuck in vendor e-mail mode that sometimes maybe we forget to break out of it for our friends, haha.

Post # 18
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am all for clear communication, so I like your approach. I actually sent a similar email outlining my expectations (ie: you will pay for your own dress, it will be a certain colour, you will pay for your own travel expenses) and then non-mandatory ‘wishes’ (you will help us set up the day before the wedding if you can make it) for my bridal party. I see you’re not planning to send it, but here are my thoughts:


  • Your tone is a bit formal, but if that’s how you communicate with your friends, then I’m sure they know and expect it.
  • Consider breaking this up into multiple emails – one about the dresses, one sent at a later date with wedding date/time/venue details. Emails longer than about 3 paragraphs usually get skimmed, which defeats the purpose of sending one with all the details!

Post # 19
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I understand the need to have everyone on the same page; I just don’t feel you need to discuss the day of and arrival times till closer to the actual wedding. Hell my DH was in a wedding last weekend and the Groomsmen and Bridesmaid or Best Man got an itinerary for the weekend that included this info on arrival in their gift bags. Did they know months in advance? No, bc none of them would remember. It was a great help as to know the flow of everything but it’s certaintly not needed 4 mths prior. Just simplify it and discuss the urgent matter only.

Post # 20
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s apparent that many others have said it, but it’s true, it’s a really formal message for people that are supposed to be “your girls”.  It sounds like the beginning of a Bridezilla, possibly.  🙁

Also, don’t call your shorter bridesmaids “height challenged”.  Just say “smaller ladies” or something like that.   Some girls can laugh it off, but you never know how they really feel about it, you may offend someone.  That combined with the length and tone of your letter may rub some of them the wrong way.

If you feel this is what you have to do to make your wedding what you want it to be, then do it.  But the PP’s are right when they say that it comes off kind of stiff, like minutes in a meeting that you had with your supervisor.  Not a friend sending another friend an email.  :-  Best of luck to you though!  

 edit: Sorry, I DON’T mean that you are a bridezilla or that you are being a bridezilla.  I just meant that one of your girls might interpret it that way.  I suck at being clear in writing.  

Post # 21
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MuchGreater: If your gals know you that way to be super organized and down to the point its great.  On the other hand, it was an itenary or minutes from an agenda

Post # 22
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@MuchGreater:  I didn’t contribute an earlier comment but I think it’s great that you are taking everyone’s comments on board and have a good attitude about it since no one seemed to like your 1st draft email Smile  Way to keep an open mind!

Post # 23
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

definitely unneccessary…especially as it appears you are already having physical meetings with the girls to discuss all the details as well?

Post # 25
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with the others about breaking this up a bit.

I’d send one email with all the formal information about the wedding & rehearsal, dates and times and when you want them to be at each place.

Then I’d send a second email about the clothes and asking for help with the favors. If you’ve already discussed shoes I don’t think there’s a reason to include it unless you want to see theirs before the big day. Given how long it is I don’t think the message is all that clear.

Are they all going to be wearing the same dress or not? What color will the dresses be? Or is that undecided? Did you want them to pick their favorite that they’ve already tried on? Are you planning another fitting day or just going with something online? Some are concerned about modesty, does that mean that you only want them to seriously consider dresses with sleeves or something like that?

I’m sure some of this is stuff you talked about with them already it just seems like a lot of talk and not much info in the email.

Post # 26
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The timeline is great, but I agree with others that there is no need for confusing information like mentioning that they haven’t picked a dress yet. Also, repeating things you have already told them in person like about the shoes and looking at websites you already provided seems condescending – as if you expect them to have forgotten already when it seems as though you just had this conversation with them.

On the plus side, it’s nice you are making your expectations clear. I am sure they appreciate knowing up front what you would like help with, etc and what will be happening.

Post # 27
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think the timeline could be typed out and given to them. I’m a little worried that this is the first of your bridesmaid meetings. How many meetings are you planning on having? Kudos for being super organized but being your bridesmaid seems to come with a manual which might be a turnoff. It’s great that you decided not to send the e-mail! You can discuss shoes in person or maybe give them more control of that since they seem to be vastly different heights. Instead of having the dress info in an email, why don’t you call up each bridesmaid and have a more personal conversation since they are your friends. That way, you can find out their thoughts on dresses. 

Post # 28
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

View original reply
@MuchGreater: I think it’s really humble of you to be wiling to not send the email. It’s rough to be criticized on here–really sorry if any comments were hurtful! I think everyone is just trying to help! It seems like you’ve got good intentions. 🙂

That said, I also wanted to say that as a 6’0 woman, your comment about helping the taller ladies “remain comfortable with their boundaries” would feel like a slap in the face to me if I were your bridesmaid. I know you’re not intentionally trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, but it’s in the same league as requesting that the fat bridesmaids wear girdles–cuz, you know, you want them to remain comfortable with their obvious need to wear a girdle. If your tall girls are uncomfortable wearing heels, they’ll wear flats! If you tell them they can’t wear heels because they’ll look like “Amazons” next to you or because they’re “clumsy”, it’s sort-of like telling them that you feel like their imperfections will ruin your wedding day look. I would be willing to bet that those who are clumsy are aware that they’re clumsy, and aren’t going to wear a pair of 4″ heels. Honestly, that particular comment would be really hurtful me if I were in your wedding party. 

Post # 29
10846 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Okay, so let’s rework this shall we?

Hey ladies!

Thanks so much for coming out yesterday, I had a great time meeting up with you all and going to David’s Bridal was so much fun! A few of you asked me for a Cliff’s Notes of what the final decisions were since there was so much going on, so here’s what we decided/discussed:


Will be XOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXX (night before wedding)

Rehearsal dinner to follow

Wedding day:

Arrive at church at 11am for pictures before wedding

Immediately after ceremony we will finish taking pictures

Info about the wedding


Wedding Begins at: XOXOXXOXOXOXO

Wedding Party Arrival: XOXOXOXOXXO

Reception time: XOXOXOXOXXO

Reception Location: XOXOXOXO



I wanted to clarify if there was any dress that you would feel uncomfortable wearing and what style that is. Also, what style did you love that we tried on? I’m not sure I was 100% in love with the dress we saw at David’s Bridal, so if you wouldn’t mind hopping over to those other websites we talked about and giving me your input on what’s there I’d really appreciate it.

insert 4 websites here

Our dresses have to be ordered by [insert date here] in order to have them in time for the wedding, so if you could get back to me in the next couple of days about that I would really appreciate it! Don’t forget we’re looking for dresses in [insert dress colour here].


Wear whatever makes you feel most comfortable and beautiful! [if you are having an outdoor wedding you make want to make a note about the grounds or whatever, or if you have any particular colour in mind, insert it here]


Finally, some of you asked if I needed help with anything. I’m likely going to need a hand with a couple things like decorating the bubbles, putting together the favours, etc. You will be paid handsomely in snacks and wine if you can spare an evening to help out!

Please if you have any questions, comments, or concerns contact ME.



Smoke signal, carrier pigeon… All methods of communication are acceptable and much appreciated!

Thank you again so much ladies, you all mean so much to me and I appreciate your love and support!! T-minus __ days to go!



Post # 30
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

Much better. It no longer reads like a business letter. 

I don’t understand the part about ‘if you are having an outdoor wedding you make want to make a note about the grounds or whatever, or if you have any particular colour in mind, insert it here’  Are you finding this stuff online somewhere and modifying it? 

Post # 31
42 posts

View original reply
@bakerella: I agree with 
View original reply
@Loribeth: I much prefer your email draft.

I personally would find the original email a real put off. I understand the need for ensuring that everything needs to be communicated in a precise manner, but they are your wedding party, I’m sure you can be a little less formal and more friendly with them! 

People are much more likely to do all they can to help, and ensure that they meet your deadlines if they feel like its a favour than if they feel like its an unwanted expection.

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