If the in-laws think you don't visit enough?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Every single weekend would be excessive for me, Especially if there’s a drive. 

I think an important question is whether or not you WANT to see them more, and if so, if you’d be opposed to them coming to you. 

Post # 4
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

That sounds like a lot to me. Does she ever come down to see you guys, or are you always driving to her or family events?  

Post # 5
Member
770 posts
Busy bee

If it were me, I would steer clear away from these conversations.  The rule in my house is DH deals with his family, I deal with mine, and we run interference for each other.  The next time a specific comment or question is directed at you like the half-joking one you got, I would quickly just say, “take it up with (name), he’s his own person!”

Once you are married, you will be each other’s family, and then you would provide a unified front, again with him taking the lead with his family and you with yours.

Nobody can make you feel guilty without your permission.  Don’t give them permission.  You’re not responsible for how they feel.  Some families will keep pushing the boundaries until they no longer exist if you let them.

 

Post # 6
Member
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

That’s excessively passive aggressive. 

My Mother-In-Law always talks through the baby saying she never sees her enough. I’ve just taken to telling her to call me whenever and we can arrange a visit to leave the door open. 

Post # 7
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

If you’re seeing them a few times a month already, I would tell them politely that they don’t get to dictate how often they see you.  They’re being overbearing.

Post # 8
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

View original reply
Mlim :  This is your fh’s problem not yours. He needs to speak up and set them straight. And if they have anymore to say about you keeping “him busy” he needs to say something about that also. Looks like they are putting the blame on you. 

Post # 9
Member
9632 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

not my ILs (well they are deceased) but I get this from MY mother ALL THE TIME.

it doesn’t count that i go to theater and dinner with her (2 theater subscriptions), have numerous vacations with her, have her over for dinner, and other special events that we invite her too.

Post # 11
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Do you also do most of the driving to them?  I love when parents guilt their children but also expect the kids to travel to them. 

I would also say tune it out. Your fiance has your back, your Mother-In-Law is probably just struggling a bit with the family dynamic changing, don’t worry about it. It’s only your job to meet them halfway- they should be trying to impress you and be on their best behavior with you as well, you’re not required to make them completely happy and yourself miserable. Every weekend is insane. I would die.  

Post # 12
Member
3085 posts
Sugar bee

That seems excessive.  I suspect you may have to set some boundaries with your new ILs as it sounds like they expect to see you more than you might like, and probably will expect to be more involved in your life than you may be willing to handle.  

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