(Closed) If the invitation does not say “and guest…” (spinoff)

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: The invitation is addressed to... Your Name

    Assume you may bring a date and fill in someone's name (plus yours) in the blank provided

    Assume you may not bring a date and fill in your name only

    Call the bride and beg/ask if you could bring a date

    Believe you can bring a date, but don't because you don't have anyone you want to bring

    (the inevitable other)

    New: believe you cannot bring a date, and don't go

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I haven’t read all of these but here’s how I would think about it.  I haven’t done my invites yet so I don’t know how they work but if there was a space for me to write the number of people, I would assume I could bring someone but if it was just like yes or no I would assume I couldnt.

    Post # 34
    Member
    13095 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    View original reply
    @sailor: “When I was single and received wedding invitations addressed to me only, I never assumed I could bring a date and never would have been rude enough to ask.  Even before I was engaged and planning my own wedding, I understood that weddings have budget and space limitations and cannot fathom how people are so clueless that they do not get that.”

    This.  Exactly.

    Now once I was engaged, if Fiance had been left off the invitation I would have asked.  And especially now that we are married and are a social unit.  But as a single woman??  Just my name on the invite meant “no guest”.

    Post # 35
    Member
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I am voting other.  Generally, no name means no invite.  However, sometimes it’s an oversight or the bride has rules (e.g. living together) and isn’t aware that her rules are met, so that’s why I’m not opposed to asking under certain situations.  (I’ve never asked when I’ve been single, nor have I ever brought a date then even when granted one.) 

    I received a STD once addressed just to me for a very good friend’s wedding, and I asked my sister (also invited, living in same town as friend) if she could find out if the Save-The-Date Cards included guest names (and thus, my live-in bf’s name was left off on purpose) or not.  My sister just bluntly asked the friend instead, who was a bit horrified I didn’t know I could bring my SO – she thought it very obvious.  I needed to know then to make plane flights.  (Ladies, please put guest names on Save-The-Date Cards so we know!)

    My mom also called on my behalf once to find out if I could bring my live-in bf to my cousin’s wedding.  As it was, I got the invitation at my parents house, not at my house as it should have been (I had lived several years away from home at that point, post college).  Seeing as they didn’t have the right address, we figured they may not know about the bf.  We also didn’t want them to feel pressured, so that’s why my mom asked, not me.  As far as I could tell, they seemed happy to include him, whether true or a good face.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I voted other…believe that I am not welcome to bring a date, and don’t go.  Beyond a certain age in certain crowds, being asked to come solo to a wedding is like being asked to come without combing your hair or wearing make up.  I just didn’t want to put myself through that humiliating ringer to celebrate someone else’s coupledom.  Even bringing a friend as a date makes the experience so much more enjoyable.

    That said, I didn’t invite bonus dates.  I’m grateful that my two single friends chose to come anyway.  They are bffs though.

    Post # 38
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee

    If I was single, I would not bring a date with me if the invitation said “no date.” It just seems kind of rude to assume that you can bring one, especially if the invitation is clear that they reserved one seat for you and/or it only has your name on it (with no “and guest”).

    However, if I was given an invitation with just my name on it now (considering that I have been in a serious relationship for nearly 3 years now), I would call and ask if I could bring my s.o. because of our relationship status. If I couldn’t, but I knew the couple well, I would think it was weird but might still go. If I couldn’t, and I didn’t know the couple well, I just wouldn’t go.

    Post # 39
    Member
    3135 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @red_rose:

    well the terms of the hypothetical situation didn’t really specify the location of the event.

    But, with that said, I don’t care if it’s up the street from my house.  I don’t agree with inviting a solo person, unless that is what they want, and would never attend a wedding without being offered a date.  But I don’t want the bride and groom to think I am just a no good, lazy bum of a friend, so I will let them know why I wouldn’t attend.  It’s only fair.

    I do have a strong opinion about it, you’re right.  I feel as strongly about my stance as those of you who have strict “no plus one” feelings.

    To each their own 🙂

    Post # 40
    Member
    2554 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I haven’t been to many weddings (only 2). The first one, it was only addressed to me, but she had already said something along the lines of “can’t wait to meet him at the wedding” (because she hadn’t met him yet). The second one, the invite got lost in the mail, so I have no idea how it was worded. It was out of province, so he didn’t go anyway.

    Post # 41
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would know that I wasn’t allowed to bring my Fiance and I wouldn’t go.  I’m not going to attend a social occasion of any kind (unless it’s a girls’ night) if I am “not allowed” to bring a date.  A wedding is a social event, if you can’t afford for all of the people you want to celebrate with you to bring a date, then you have no business inviting that many people to your wedding in the first place.

    Post # 42
    Member
    328 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I mean, if I’ve been dating someone for a while, I would clarify. Maybe they didn’t know they ettiquitte. I wouldn’t BEG to bring a date, just ask politely. I mean, if they are friends/family, then I don’t think it’s a big deal to just ask.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1211 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m still trying to wrap my head around my BFs friends strange other worldly wedding ettiquete. We went to a bunch of weddings in our first year together.  For TWO of them I’m pretty sure I wasn’t invited but my Boyfriend or Best Friend just called them up on the day before and was all “Hey, Can MrsGolden2Bee come?” And they were all “Sure bring her”. I felt SOOOOO bad. Like, you can’t just do that! Day before the wedding just be all, “BTW I’m bringin my woman, no big deal right?” But seriously his friends are nuts. I LOOOOVE them, but these guys… *shakes head*. My Boyfriend or Best Friend is wedding ettiquete challenged. I can only imagine the upcomeing RSVP stress. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    1991 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think alot of this is also culturally related. Personally, before I started wedding planning, if I received a wedding invitation with just my name, I would assume that I could bring a date. This is because I would have assumed that the person inviting me wouldn’t have wanted me to come to a function alone where I wouldn’t know anyone, therefore, a date would be there to not make me feel like a leper.

    Culturally, everyone has a plus 1, if not more.

    Post # 45
    Member
    3798 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I love how it seems as though those of us on this site voted mostly for “Just Bring Myself”, but we have so many in our lives that would call us and or complain that they were not asked to have a guest. sigh.

    Post # 46
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    This is a little off topic.  Got invited to a wedding a few months ago and the first thing my Fiance said was please tell me I don’t have to go with you and I told him that he doesn’t have to.  Got invited to another wedding today and same thing again he said do I have to go and I laughed and told him no.

    I asked him what the big deal was and he said that he didn’t want to go to a “STUPID” wedding. My lil brat is 51 yrs old. He said if I wanted to go out to dinner and hang out that was fine but not a “STUPID” wedding.

    Just a lil curious for the ones that said they would not go if their SO wasn’t invited did they even really wanted to go or was it just the fact that they person didn’t invite them.

    Now to the question at hand.  Before planning a wedding if I got an invitation and it was only addresses to me and I knew they that they knew that I was involved with someone I would assume it was for both of us. Now planning a wedding I know if it is only my name on the invitation that I am the only one invited and my Fiance would jump for joy that he didn’t have to attend a “STUPID” wedding.

    I hope my Fiance friends attend our “STUPID” wedding…lol

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