(Closed) If they bring a gift to shower they won't to the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Do you only bring a gift to one (bridal shower & wedding)? Or both?
    Both. : (93 votes)
    78 %
    One. Bridal Shower. : (16 votes)
    13 %
    One. Wedding. : (9 votes)
    8 %
    Other (please explain!) : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 17
    2967 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i think this is kind of a regional thing and maybe a generational thing too.

    the gift registry is meant to be used for the both the shower and the wedding.

    some people give a gift for the shower OR the wedding, not both (in my experience, this seemed to be more common with older guests).

    some people give gifts at both.

    at showers, some people like to give the bride something more for her (like, i received a body shop gift set and some cute pj’s & undies from a few people).

    i experienced all of the above with my shower and wedding.

    what you’re planning sounds fun, but not really like a shower, and personally, i wouldn’t feel comfortable asking people to buy me makeup. as much as i love beauty products, for my shower i’d much rather receive practical items that we really need. 

    Post # 18
    8962 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @itsashleyday:  I can’t figure out where your mom and aunt came up with that idea. Of course people CAN choose to skip buying a wedding gift if they’ve already given something at a shower (or even if they didn’t), but most people DON’T. Most people I know give at both.

    That said, I think you slightly misunderstood the idea behind the bridal shower. The gifts are “for the bride” in the sense that they are supposed to help her start out her married life. So usually, it’s things from the registry, because those are usually kitchen items, linens, etc — things she’ll presumably need as a new wife. A lingerie shower is the same idea. Surely you’re a sweet untouched virgin with nothing but white cotton panties >wink wink<  A wardrobe of sexy unmentionables, like a set of pans, will serve you well in your new role. 

    So, it IS a little different that you registered for makeup. Some people might be confused and even put off by it. You can either leave it be and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to buy makeup; or you can close the Sephora registry and ask your Maid/Matron of Honor to let everyone know you have a different registry if they’d like to bring a gift. (By no means should you be the one talking to anybody about where to get gifts!) Regardless, relax and have fun. I’m guessing this is your first wedding (and hopefully last!) so you can be forgiven for not knowing every little thing! Smile

    Post # 20
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee

    @itsashleyday:  Actually,  that can be considered a “bachelorette” type of party. We did the same for another girl’s bachelorette party.

    Post # 21
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    If I am invited to a bridal shower, that is where I bring the ‘wedding gift’. I don’t buy 2 separate gifts for the 2 events. I never have, and I have never been told to…until I joined the Bee and saw that I’m ‘supposed’ to bring 2 gifts. I still won’t. The only exception is if I go to a lingerie shower….in that case, I will do a lingerie gift, and then send a separate wedding gift…if and only if I can afford it. I don’t expect separate gifts from my guests, either. I actually think it’s a bit ridiculous to send 2 gifts…or a regular shower gift AND money…even if people do it all the time. I just don’t get it.

    Post # 22
    8962 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @itsashleyday:  That’s fine. Seriously though, try to have fun! I’m sorry this turned into such an ordeal, but don’t let it get you down. And just think, you’re in the home stretch!!

    Post # 23
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I usually give a gift off the registry to the shower, and a cheque to the wedding.  I would never consider bridal shower gifts to be for the bride only, and think it was really weird to give makeup… but whatever.

    The only reason I might give only one gift is I typically spend about $50 on the shower gift and $150 on the wedding gift.  If I knew the couple was just starting out and had a $200 item on their registry they really wanted, I might get that and just give it at the shower.  Or if I knew I couldn’t make it to the wedding, I might give a slightly larger shower gift and no wedding gift.

    Post # 24
    9672 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I always bring a gift from the registry for the shower, and usually a check for the wedding. I think showing up to a wedding empty handed is kind of in poor taste.

    Honestly though – I would probably be a little put off by a “makeup” themed shower. Typically it’s gifts for the home, not specifically just for the bride. Around here lingerie parties and such are usually done for bachelorette parties.

    Post # 25
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    You can still have the theme, I would just close the makeup reigstry and use your regular registry for people to buy gifts off of. We had one registry for everything, and a lot of people bought gifts off the registry for the shower, and then for the wedding. We received most of our wedding gifts before the wedding. 

    Post # 26
    3682 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Westwood:  “Honestly though – I would probably be a little put off by a “makeup” themed shower. Typically it’s gifts for the home, not specifically just for the bride. Around here lingerie parties and such are usually done for bachelorette parties.”

    +1   This seems like much more of a bachelorette party kind of thing.

    Post # 27
    2093 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think it’s cute you registered for make-up! I don’t like lingerie showers. I’ve always felt they are invasive for both the bride and the giver. But that’s just me.

    Your make-up shower/bachelorette party is a different event than your wedding. People give gifts for both all the time.

    What is your mom basing this on?

    Post # 28
    26 posts

    Thank god we don’t do bridal showers over here! They seem so complicated! Having said that, take my perspective with a grain of salt.

    Post # 29
    5789 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Maybe some of the confusion is because some of these ideas are regional.

    I have several friends from the South and MIdwest who do just one gift, and that’s given at the shower. They don’t give a second gift for the wedding. It was surprising to me, but when I questioned them, they said that’s how they’ve always been done where they are. They asked around from their friends and were told the same. Could be that your Mom has been told and done the same.

    Themed showers are a relatively new thing, so the makeup deal is just another in a long line of them. I don’t think it matters either way if that’s what you’d like.

    I’m in NJ and here in our circle, we always buy multiple shower gifts and give cash at the weddings. Neither way is right or wrong, just different.

    btw…there are bridal showers and wedding showers….one is for the bride and is more personal, and the other is for the couple, but mostly are interchangeable these days.

    Post # 30
    13563 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I consider them two separate events and bring a gift to both. As do others in my region and in my circles.

    Post # 31
    9134 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @MRSsrm85:  Ditto.  In my area if you are invited to the bridal shower then you bring the wedding gift to the bridal shower.  You don’t bring an additional gift to the wedding as well.

    But I agree with PPs that what you are describing sounds more like a bachelorette where you are requesting makeup in lieu of lingerie.  Generally if there’s a lingerie party the guests of the lingerie party will still purchase a separate wedding gift.  However, don’t be surprised if a few guests at the lingerie party show up without gifts, especially if you request makeup.  I know it sounds odd but I feel more uncomfortable giving someone makeup than lingerie.

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