(Closed) If we are planning to elope…is it still eloping and do I tell people?

posted 7 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
196 posts
Blushing bee

You can do whatever you want. Google ‘planned elopement’ or ‘elopement packages’ for ideas. You can still have all the ‘wedding’ things you like, but just the two of you (though some places legally require 2 witnesses). Lots of people go on a ‘weddingmoon’ where they pop off to somewhere beautiful, get married in all their finery and then honeymoon. http://blog.alpineimages.co.nz/category/elopement-wedding/ There are lots of elopement weddings in this link and they were are planned in advance. Whether or not you tell family first is up to you. Do you think they would react better if you told them before or after? Whichever causes less drama. They might feel upset if you go and don’t tell them. Don’t let them pressure you into a wedding you don’t want ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 3
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We are eloping and are not telling anyone when or where.  I am not wearing any type of wedding wear and neither is he.  I don’t know if I will even have a bouquet or not.  We’re just going to City Hall when the mood strikes us.  To me, that is an elopement.  No planning invovled … just running off like an elopement is supposed to be! 

Post # 4
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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roser443: You sound a like us. We are eloping, everybody knows. At first, they had issues they aren’t invited, I joked (kind of) that everybody can’t get together and have a party without us and bitch about if they want to. Everybody has now come on board and realized, that for us, this was really the only option. I am doing the dress, the hair, the makeup, the photographer (but not a good one, I’ll admit, but there will be pictures), the sand ceremony, everything that I want to do. We are putting together the music right now. It’s your wedding.  If you want the whole thing but just have it be the two of you, that’s between the two of you. My Fiance mom gave him these wonderful words of wisdom, “make sure she doesn’t miss out on any of the bride experience just because it’s going to be the two of you.” AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO. I never, even as a little girl, wanted a wedding. But I have had so much fun getting ready for this one that I found out that I did have a dream wedding, it was just not the traditional version of a wedding.We are making pictures books for people when we return.

I would talk to your mom. If she’s okay with it, I would totally use the veil. Just because she’s not there does not change the fact that you are getting married, making this commitment, and taking this step in life. It just means that the two of you have decided to make it about the two of you.

Post # 5
5 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
roser443:  I am eloping and it is a planned elopement. We are going away and it will only be Fiance and myself. A few people know but most don’t. We plan on sending out we eloped cards when we return. We are both wearing wedding attire and I will have a bouquet. There will also be a photographer. I think it would be awesome to wear your sisters veil, it can be your something borrowed ๐Ÿ™‚ don’t stress yourself out, especially about telling others until you are ready. Remember your wedding should be about the two of you.

Post # 6
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

View original reply
roser443:  If you truly want it to be a private affair for just the two of you then it’s better to just run away and elope without telling anyone.  Once you start telling people you know of your plans to elope you opwn yourselves up to being criticized and guilted into having a bigger wedding including your friends and family.  You can send out announcements when you get back home if you’re worried about how to tell people.

Post # 7
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

If you tell everyone your plans, you’re not eloping, you’re having a private ceremony.

Post # 9
7 posts

We decided to get married at the end of January and we are getting married next Friday!!! EEEEKK…. Anyway – nobody knows well we do, my cousin and her husband who are our witnesses and 2 of our friends. We will tell our mums over dinner on Monday and then our wee boy on Tuesday night – we are heading off Wednesday morning and he’s rubbish at keeping secrets! ha ha.

I’ve got a wedding dress – It’s probably not what everyone would want – it’s a 50’s style tea dress. Even if we were having a big wedding I’d want a tea dress. I’m getting my hair and make up done. I’m getting flowers. My partner is wearing a kilt so is my wee boy. We are having a photographer and a lovely meal in the evening.

And then we are having a party in the middle of May with food, a cake, favours etc.

So basically what I’m saying is………..DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!

Sod everyone else and if you want to elope then just do it. You will upset people no matter what you do.



Post # 10
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
roser443:  If you’re worried about semantics (well, we’re eloping so you’re NOT supposed to tell people), then don’t worry about that.  Perhaps private wedding is just a more general term and then people don’t have to think about “rules” or any preconceived notions.

You can tell people if you want.  You can keep it a secret and tell them afterwards if you want. Either is fine.

I did not keep mine a secret.  Anyone who asked me I told them what we were doing with great excitement.  I did try to keep my talking about it to a minimum if people did not ask me.

We had a full wedding planned at one point and cancelled it due to my father’s impending death.  I emailed close friends who were invited to the previous wedding what our plans were.  I’m sure they just wanted an update on what we were doing (or if we were going to do a wedding again where they were invited, etc).

We eloped with two witnesses (H’s parents).  If they had not gone, it would have been the wedding planner and the photographer as the witnesses.  I wore a wedding gown, H wore a suit.  We had a photographer.  We did not have music, but we would have if there were any uilleann pipe player within a 100 mile radius.  There were not!  I wanted uilleann pipes for my Irish background.

Using your sister’s veil would mean she is there in spirit on your wedding day.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by  sienna76.
Post # 12
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Good for you! Don’t let anyone guilt you into something you don’t want. We’re having a destination wedding and I’m prepared for the attempted guilting to occur however everyone we’ve told about it so far is excited. 

Post # 13
8 posts
  • Wedding: The Valley of fire / Las Vegas

We’re also ‘eloping’, but we have told almost everyone that was interested in our wedding plans. The both of us feel it’s a huge amount of money to spend on one day, so we decided to get married abroad, just outside of Las Vegas (We’re from the Netherlands). Most people have reacted positively, but our parents are sort of dissapointed not to be part of a ‘proper’ wedding. When we get back from our ‘weddingmoon’ we’re taking our closest relatives out for a meal to celebrate. ๐Ÿ™‚

In the end, what really matters is that you get married in a way that suits you. Yes, people will be hurt with you eloping, but I’m sure some would be hurt in a different way if you’d be having a lavish wedding. You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourselfs! People who truely love and care for you will accept your decision.


Post # 14
5 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

We eloped on yesterday and it was everything we wanted…the day was about us and in the end that’s what matters…don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty about your happiness, it’s your day…we did a wedding ceremony on the beach, photographer and wedding attire included but it was just US and it was AMAZING…everyone will have their opinions and there may be disappointments but be at peace with your decision and what your definition of a perfect wedding day is

Post # 15
41 posts

this is a question ive wondered for quite some time and i think itll just boil down to how much stress youd like to have before the wedding vs after. if you tell people about the elopement before it happens youll most likely run across some naysayers who will try to manipulate you into going the more traditional route. if you wait til after youll likely have to deal with disappointment from the people who feel slighted that they hadnt been included in the whole ordeal. either way someone is bound to be unhappy so you might as well go the route that feels better for you and your Fiance.

my compromise if i go this route will be hiring the best photographer and videographer i can afford. i want a private wedding focusing specifically on me and my partner, but id still like friends and family to feel like their absence was counted. i think beautiful documentation can go a long way for that.

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