(Closed) if we have dancing my future in-laws won't come.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
352 posts
Helper bee

All I can say is if bend to their blackmail now, you will set the tone for your future relationship with them.  What happens if you want to baptize your children in a different church?  Are they going to threaten you again?  I wouldn’t put up with it now so you can set the ground rules for the future.

They have a perfect right to not dance (and not attend if they desire); however, they have no right to dictate what you can do. 

Dance away!

Post # 17
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Have your dance. Its your day and you should be free to do whatever you want. I don’t like threats. Whats next, if you do serve x or dont invite z. ( its all about their reutation so ) Nip it in the bud, tell them that your are going to enjoy your day, and that includes dancing. If they dont like it they can leave before the dancing start. If they still choose not to come, that means their reputation is more important than their son…

Post # 18
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d continue on with your plans.  My Fiance has this thing he likes to say whenver we watch Four Weddings, when people get pissy about other people’s plans… “NOT YOUR WEDDING!”.  🙂

Post # 19
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

chirpychappers:  I think some other posters’ suggestions of having a wedding reception in stages should work. 

Have your dinner & toasts then have a small break to say goodbyes.

Start off the second half of the reception with your first dance and then go into the dancing portion?


Post # 20
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think this is ridiculous, but there really isn’t a perfect answer because you don’t want to alienate your husbands family. I think the best option would be to start dancing later on in the evening, and at that point the in-laws can leave if they feel uncomfortable with it.

Post # 21
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

chirpychappers:  Well, looks like your in-laws aren’t coming to your wedding. OH WELL!!

This is so ridiculous. Ruin their “reputation”. Ugh, so dumb and annoying. I swear religion sometimes makes me want to bang my head on a wall over and over. So stupid. 

Do not NOT have a first dance. One of my FAVORITE pics from our wedding is from our first dance. And it’s a magical moment dancing with your husband for the first time as husband and wife. 

I dunno who your in-laws think they are, but they have no say in whether you want music and dancing at your wedding. None. 

Post # 22
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

chirpychappers:  My in laws are exactly the same. My Father-In-Law is even a baptist pastor! Thankfully they didn’t mind too much if we had a dance, they just didn’t want to participate. So, they left after dinner and the speeches and everyone else stayed and enjoyed themselves. I think this is the best compromise you can make, stand firm that you want a dance but since it’s a big deal to them specifically plan the evening in such a way that they don’t have to participate if they don’t want to. Honestly, I can’t imagine them actually not attending the wedding, especially if you try to come to a compromise! 

Post # 23
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with the others about the split reception.

Respect your parents faith beliefs so they will respect yours in the future.

Have the ceremony followed by a toast.   Then invite everyone else (who isn’t offended by dancing) to the reception-party.


Religious belifes are strange, I know a couple who got married in one belonging to church that dosn’t allow musical instruments during service.  They got married in the Bride’s church (which allowed instruments) but without any instruments.  The bride was a musician and agreed to support his family and they had a beautiful quartet at the reception.  Yeah, it stunk to have just a soloist during the ceremony, but they made it work for his family’s beliefs.  I’m guessing mostly his family’s believes, and not so much is as he now only attends her church (with instruments)

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  searock.
Post # 24
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I agree with a PP who said start the reception with the dinner and such and then have a break and announce that the dancing will begin at X time. Giving everyone who wants to leave time to go and your family will hang out and take last minute photos before getting their jam on 😉 Timing is key.

Post # 25
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

If there is no dancing or instruments in heaven, I don’t want to go!

Post # 26
576 posts
Busy bee

You have your dance, and they are free to leave before then if they want.  My dad threatened not to come if we had alcohol at the wedding, but I called his bluff and served it anyway. He came and had a great time.  It sounds like a threat that nobody in their right mind would follow through with.

Post # 27
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think it’s easy for people not in your situation to say screw them but this is your future in laws…

Not an easy decision

My sister was in the same predicament.. there was no dancing at her wedding and ppl were bored as sh*t — the guests lived though….

Just some food for thought

Post # 28
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Eek, hard decision. Have you brought up the compromise of them leaving before the dancing? 

My friend had a wedding where dancing and drinking wasn’t allowed. It was literally ceremony, dinner, and everyone left super early despite the activities they set up (corn hole, s’mores, etc). 

Post # 29
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Can they not just attend the reception and not dance?  Not very familiar with Baptist rules so this may be a stupid question.  Otherwise keeping all dancing until after dinner has been served and the Baptist guests have left if they choose seems like a reasonable compromise.

How does your Fiance feel about the situation?  If he is participating in the first dance I would guess he does not follow those rules.  

Post # 30
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

chirpychappers:  This is their religious belief.  It’s not one I understand but I know people who have the same conviction.  Perhaps you can have the wedding, have dinner for the reception.  Have a break after dinner where your in-laws can leave and then you can start the dancing portion of the evening. 

It’s unfortunate that they can’t be a part of the entire day, but their religious beliefs prevent them from participating.  I don’t think it would be that different from telling someone who’s Jewish to ‘eat around the bacon’. 

We may not understand their beliefs, but unfortunately we have to respect them.  I think this is somewhere you need to compromise to ensure that you don’t ruin your relationship with your future in-laws.

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