(Closed) If we invite kids, who does that need to include?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1159 posts
Bumble bee

@sweet5k:  I would say in your situation just invite the kids that are in the wedding party.


Post # 4
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You do not need to invite all those kids. Just invite the ones in your wedding party.

Post # 5
3268 posts
Sugar bee

The only people that must be invited together are social units (married, engaged, and co-habitating couples). 

I would not add 20 + kids to my guest list. 

Choosing guests based on level of closeness is more valid, IMO, then picking some arbitrary self-generated rule.

Post # 6
3217 posts
Sugar bee

@sweet5k:  I would only invite children in the wedding party. That’s what my little sister did. it is completely understandable. It did deter some people from coming but oh well.

Post # 7
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I think as long as the guests witness the wedding party children perform an act (flower girl, ring bearer) and/or are wearing their “uniform” no one will get pissy about not getting to bring their kids. NO ONE will be mad that you had a flower girl, right?


Post # 8
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I would invite the kids in the wedding party, and their siblings if they have them. So, if A is your flower girl but her brother B isn’t in the wedding, I’d still invite him. 

Post # 9
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sweet5k:  Stick to the wedding party. 20 – 30 extra kids is WAY too many.

Post # 10
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Hm, I am  all about inviting kids to weddings, but in your situation, I think I agree with PPs. If they were all under 12, I’d say invite them– my venue had an option where you could have a special kids’ buffet (at kid prices). The teens, though– it seems as though you’re not close with them. I honestly think it would be unlikely for the parents to bring the teens, but I still think it’s perfecting fine just to invite the children you identified as in the wedding parts or just really close. 

Post # 11
8921 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d just invite the kids in the wedding party.

Post # 12
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@sweet5k:  Children are persons, and should treated as individuals and as honoured guests, just as you would any other person whom you wish to invite as a guest:

  • Give them the dignity of personhood: address them by name on the invitation and send their invitation to their own home. It is okay to include them on their parent’s invitation if they are still school-children.
  • Give them the dignity of treating them as individuals, not as stereotypes. Invite the ones that you know and are close too; do not invite the ones who are strangers.
  • Be thoughtful of them as you are thoughtful of your other guests: you wouldn’t make great-Grandma with her arthritis stand through a half-hour ceremony; you’ll make sure she has a seat. You shouldn’t make Suzie and Bobbie sit pretending to be interested in a half-hour long toast to the bride filled with reminiscence and inuendo; you’ll give them a colouring page or a small kit of lego to play with (please give me one too, I hate long toasts).
  • Don’t split up “social units”. “The family” is not a social unit the way a couple is: you can invite parents without children and you can invite babies-in-arms or teenagers without inviting toddlers, preschoolers and school-children (or toddlers and children without teenagers). But if a family has three children very close in age, and you were to invite the oldest and youngest because you like them and leave out the middle child because you think she’s a brat, you would be being mean. Don’t be mean.
  • Be politically astute. You might be pleasantly surprised to find out how many normal people are thoughtful and unentitled, who won’t bat an eye at you inviting only people you know and not inviting strange sophomores. But you are in a far better position than I am to point a finger at which acquaintances are most likely to create entitlement drama. You have to manage the boors, the bores and the drama-queens; it is part of the burden carried by every hostess.

But along with the burdens and responsibilities of a hostess, come the privileges of a hostess. It is your responsibility to draw up your guest list, so it’s your right to select the guests. There are very few black-and-white all-or-nothing decisions in life, and this is not one of them.


Post # 13
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If you invite any kids beyond those that are in the bridal party, then you have to include ALL kids of invited guests. It’s a lot, so nothing wrong with keeping it just within the bridal party. 

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