(Closed) If we're being honest…

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

We’d been together 5 and a half years when my Fiance proposed, in the years before I’d tried rings on in several places like local jewellers, Tiffinay’s New York and Las Vegas so I was pretty sure he knew what I’d like and I would have confidently let him pick on his own and loved it. But he suprised me with a Christmas Shopping trip last year and we accidentally found ourselves in the jewellery quarter where he had an appointment set up, he started looking at loose diamonds and picked out one he liked as he’d done a ton of work on the 4 Cs, bless him, I choose a setting I liked and at this point I thought it was more window shopping until he started haggling the price and paying for it! I love that I have a custom ring that we choose together, I wasn’t allowed to see it again once we left the shop and the suprise was the proposal.

Post # 62
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Demetries

I picked out mine and I’m very happy with that decision and so was he. He told me he would have just gotten something more expensive just cause he had no clue. I fell in love with the ring, than brought him to the store to see it. He fell in love too and went back that same day when I was at work and purchased it. Friends of ours just got engaged and the guy told me he brought his sister to help and she basically picked out his fiances ring. I’m happy with my choice and afterall your the one who has to look at it forever so why not have what you like. 

Post # 63
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We’re in the process of designing our rings together. He wanted me involved, because we know several couples where the guy did the picking and ended up with something completely off. Either not his SOs taste or not taking into account their job etc. It’s a ring I will wear for the rest of my life, we want to make sure I really love it! 

I was in a jewelry store in December and a man, who was picking out an engagement ring for his girlfriend, was quite rude to us saying something to the effect of “oh, I guess they pick out their own rings now” and rolled his eyes. When my SO explained it’s so that he’s sure I like it (not that we owed him any explanation), given the large expense. The man said his fiance better like it because she didn’t have a choice, he wouldn’t be changing it. I was glad to have been brought into the decision, regardless of what judgey-pants thought.

ETA: I think you do what you’re comfortable with and what your SO is comfortable with. Some guys are determined to do this on their own for a surprise. Some of us bees are too picky and it’s better we’re included. Some of the bees sent pics and let it up to the guys…there are lots of options to allow you to be as involved in the process as you’d like.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  robin2015.
Post # 64
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Rossino Castle

I’m quite torn about this as well,also because in my first marriage I had no engagement ring and no proposal,so it’s extremely important to me.My ex husband gave me a ring I picked out alone for one anniversary,and while I loved the ring,it was my ring, not our ring.I would love to have the sentiment behind my so picking the ring,but at the same time I’m picky,so I would like to have an imput..best thing for me would probably be going together ring shopping, pick a few candidates and then leave it to him to chose one.

Post # 65
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i gave DH pictures of what i wanted and he gave them to the designer to design my ring.  the designer had a few questions and DH wanted me to answer.  i told DH, he was in charge of the ring and to surprise me with the outcome.  my ring was perfect!

Post # 66
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Edinburgh

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Mrs.Mars:  I think getting to pick the ring (or at least have some input) is really important. I mean, the sentiment is beautiful, but if I have to wear it every day for forever it better not be fugly. 

I had hinted to my Fiance several times over the past few years that I wanted an emerald cut platinum solitaire. I didn’t think he was really paying attention, but apparently he wrote it down and he did a really good job. He told me that if he had had to pick on his own we probably still wouldn’t be engaged because he’d be afraid of getting it wrong. 

Post # 67
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC

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Mrs.Mars:  no, I don’t think that’s shallow at all. That being said, I told my Fiance a lot of what I wanted when he was designing my ring, and now I kind of wish I’d backed off and let him design what he imagined me having. He certainly threw in a few gorgeous surprises, and I cannot stop staring at my ring! But, I do sometimes regret being so opinionated and not letting him take full control.  

Post # 68
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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Mrs.Mars:  Just coming into the conversation. That’s not shallow at all! I picked mine out because I’m picky. He knows it, I know it. He still proposed, it was just known. And I still think about us when I look down at the ring, but that’s just it. I think about us and our relationship, I don’t just think about him.

Post # 69
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think it’s shallow at all to choose your own ring….or if it is, then I’m definitely shallow! 

We are not officially engaged yet, but we have a loose diamond that is in the process of being set. I picked out the diamond and did the research myself because I know I wouldn’t have been happy any other way (I’m super OCD and he’s the total opposite, so I would always have wondered if we got the best value for our money). I also chose the setting. Now I just need to put my type A nature on hold so I don’t end up planning the proposal!

Post # 70
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We bought my ring together about an hour after he proposed.  It was fun to get to do it together and announce for the first time that we were engaged.  And I also got a ring that I absolutely adore.  Which is a good thing, because he said what he would have bought was the complete opposite.

Post # 71
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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Mrs.Mars:  Picking my own ring would have taken all of the romance and surprise out of the proposal. I’m so glad he picked one out for me- it makes the ring even more special because he put so much thought into it! Every time I show off my ring, I get to brag that he picked it out all by himself and he did the best job!<br />To me, choosing your own ring is almost like proposing to yourself. It also makes me think that the guy was getting pressured into proposing, or at least didn’t care about it much. (Not trying to offend anyone here- just giving my honest opinion)

Post # 72
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Definitely not shallow. I am incredibly picky about jewelry, especially rings, because I don’t wear any! I actually hate jewelry with the exception of earrings. Rings are the worst for me because I hate how they feel and I hate how they spin around on my fingers. If I am going to be wearing a ring for the rest of my life, you bet it better be something I actually like. Unfortunately my SO has no idea what I like, despite being together for 4 years. One time we were shopping together and he pointed at a shirt and said, “That looks like something you would wear.” I was taken aback little and laughed because it was not my style at all, and he thought so! Luckily my SO always asks me what I want, with pictures and all, instead of going out and getting whatever. And I am always reasonable with price, so I would definitely choose within his budget. If that makes me shallow, then oh well because I am happy and my SO is happy that I’m happy. 

Post # 73
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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DancinDarlin:  That is a great idea. A very guided choice via Pinterest 🙂

I like to be in control, so I wanted to pick out the ring and he had no problem letting me do that. Since the original e-ring I have upgraded 2x and picked out both upgrades too.

Post # 74
Member
4729 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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Mrs.Mars:  Honestly, I loved that my ring was a surprise – but I don’t think it’s shallow to want to pick out a ring you would love. After all – we wear them every day!

DH did the perfect blend of suprise and knowledge for me – we looked at rings once at a store, which gave him some idea of what I liked the look of, and he sneakily gathered more info from random conversations (I had no idea what he was doing, but later, I realized he used this tactic to discern the perfect setting, size, and stone type). So the ring was a complete surprise, but it fit my taste and wishes perfectly.

Post # 75
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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Mrs.Mars:  I’ve only tried the second scenario, so maybe I’m biased, but that’s definitely my preference since I’m quite picky when it comes to my jewelry. However, I’m almost positive that I would’ve been equally happy if he’d chosen one himself, so it’s not really one or the other to me, since both could work. But in my case I’d prefer to choose it myself, since Fiance and I have very different taste when it comes to rings.. He’s really into the simplicity of solitaires and I LOVE plain shank halos (which I will now be getting, since I’m choosing myself – YAY!) 😉 Also I feel like it’s OK to be part of the decision since I will be the one wearing it 🙂

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