(Closed) If you already know he has the ring, do you consider yourself engaged?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My friend’s Boyfriend or Best Friend has had the ring for a year now and hasn’t proposed.  She knows he has the ring.  She does not consider herself engaged.  They know they want to spend their lives together but it’s a bit complicated and not my story to tell.  Therefore, it’s not always 100% certain.

I think the actual proposal is important for a few reasons. . . the most obvious is that this is what we’ve all grown up with and have come to expect.  But also, there’s a difference between talk and action.  Fiance and I talked extensively for a year about getting engaged and being married.  However, it wasn’t official until he asked me.  It would have been the same if I had asked him.  To me, the ring had nothing to do with it.  Although, I will admit, the ring is a really nice perk.  🙂

But that’s just my opinion on it.

Post # 4
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A ring can be returned. It’s harder to take back an engagement, especially if it’s been announced to friends and family! My ex had a ring, but in my gut I knew we would never be engaged. I hate to sound harsh to the waiting bees, but as far as I’m concerned you’re not engaged until it’s official. 

Post # 5
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I didn’t.  I knew he purchased the ring but 1) there’s a chance he may change his mind; 2) how would you ever explain that to people?; 3) I thought it was a pretty big deal for him to call me his Fiance and I wasn’t going to let him until he made the effort to propose.  

Post # 6
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I didnt consider myself engaged until after he proposed, even though we bought the ring together. I knew it was going to happen 100% yes. But at the same time, its still that moment. Its still hearing him say the words, and you getting all choked up, even if you knew it was going to happen. Its the memory that I was looking forward to. I wouldnt want him to buy the ring and hand me the bag as we were exiting the store and say here or something. I am happy that he planned it out the way he did. Now we have that to look aback on.

Post # 7
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the PPs – I would never have considered myself engaged until Darling Husband sat there with the ring AND asked me to be his wife.

Rings can be returned and the proposal might not ever actually happen so I can’t see ever considering myself to be engaged until it did.No matter how “certain” you might be, nothing is ever certain until it actually occurs.

Post # 8
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee

I agree, I know SO has the ring, but I don’t consider myself engaged yet because he hasn’t asked me.  Not very many people know he has the ring either, just a few select of my closest girlfriends (2 of them to be exact). 

Post # 9
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s the asking and the accepting that makes an engagement… not the purchasing of a ring.

Post # 10
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I helped to pick my ring, but didn’t know when I was getting it, when it was to been altered and how he was to propose.  No I didn’t consider myself engaged until that ring was on my finger.  I kept waiting for the big moment.  I didn’t know when he was going to propose, but I had a few ideas in mind and then the day it happened, I had suspected it, but still didn’t know for sure.  Plus just because he has the ring doesn’t make it official because it wasn’t on my finger at that time.  Now (Since Jan.) that it is…oh it’s official and game on!  HE HAD TO ASK…I could have always changed my mind (not that I was going to).

It’s a thing too for the guys, they expect that they should propose to the girl.  I think it’s a matter of certainty in both women and in the men’s eyes.

Post # 11
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Moose1209- You make a really good point!

Just because a ring has been purchased does not mean someone has asked you to spend the rest of their life with them. I designed my own ring and did not consider myself engaged until after the actual proposal. I don’t think the proposal would have been as special if I already told everyone and was planning my wedding.

Post # 12
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

It’s not 100% certain. At any point before he proposes he’s totally allowed to change his mind, return the ring. He still hasn’t asked you to marry you. He’s just thinking about it. The chances are likely that he’ll follow through once he buys the ring but he still hasn’t asked you to do anything. To me being engaged means there are solid plans to actively pursue getting married because you both agreed to begin that journey. It doesn’t mean you both like the “idea” of you being married one day. It’s no longer a hypothetical. It’s a plan. The ring is just a physical display of your appreciation of that idea. The question is the the agreement.

Just my opinion. 🙂 That’s all.

Post # 13
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@Moose1209:

Exactly (:

Post # 14
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I knew he had the ring and I knew a timeline, but I waited for the question. It’s never a good thing to assume something in a relationship.

Post # 15
Member
4521 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have a friend who did exactly what you’re describing–went ring shopping with her Boyfriend or Best Friend, BF bought a ring and was planning to propose… but he never did. They eventually broke up. It sounds crazy, but it does happen. So I wouldn’t consider myself engaged until he (or whoever is doing the asking!) asks and the other accepts.

But I do agree with you in that it confuses me–why buy a ring and then hold on to it forever? If you’ve gotten that far, don’t you just want to be engaged already? I guess some guys get as far as buying the ring, but they just aren’t ready to take that final step. 

Post # 16
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

@stillme: Or they buy the ring as a “fake it till you make it” manuever to avoid having their gf leave them because they’ve been dragging their feet.

The topic ‘If you already know he has the ring, do you consider yourself engaged?’ is closed to new replies.

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