(Closed) if you already sent someone a save the date can you not invite them?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No! If you sent them the save the date, that was already a promise to expect an invitation, you have to send an invite.

Post # 4
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Generally when you send someone a save the date you definitely have to send them an invite.

Post # 5
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I understand that sending a save the date is a placeholder for people to arrange and plan around the event, but it’s still not an invitation, and you just aren’t invited to anything until you receive a formal invitation.

Besides, if her life is the booze fueled mess you describe, odds are good that she’ll won’t notice anway,

I’m a fairly upstanding and responsible person, unless I was quite close to the couple in question, and didn’t get an invitation after a send the date, I probably wouldn’t notice either.

Post # 6
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope, you sent her a save-the-date so if you follow proper etiquette you do have to invite her. Not only that, she is a family member and I think if you uninvite a family member then you are probably going to experience some drama, especially if she is as unstable as you have described her.

Post # 7
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

NO! This is why we aren’t sending them. Because i dont want to finalize my guest list so far in advance of the wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
2437 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrsrecon:  I think b/c of the circumstances you are fine– things happen and change all the time.

Post # 9
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It depends on your relationship with her. If you are going to see her, and her parent(s) often then it might become awkward if you don’t invite her. However, if you have absolutely nothing to do with her I guess you could just not invite her, especially if everyone else in your family doesn’t mind? 

Post # 10
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@mrsrecon:  I think you can do whatever you want 🙂

In this situation, I would say you shouldn’t invite her.

Post # 11
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Save the date means “You’re invited”, not “you may or may not be invted”.  It is rude to send someone a save the date and then not invite them.  My guess is that her not being invited will cause more drama than if she were invited.

Post # 12
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Nope, this is not OK. The save the date mailing list IS the invite list.

Post # 13
Member
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope, sorry.  While I understand why you don’t want to invite her, a STD = invite so it would be extremely rude to not invite her.  Since she’s family, I would worry about all of the drama that would result in you uninviting her.

 

Post # 14
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

It’s rude to send someone a save the date and then not invite them!

HOWEVER, it’s also rude to invite someone to the party who, from how you described it, will probably be an embarrassment to herself, be rude to people, or possibly damage something. Would it be ruder to not invite this woman, or to put your guests through having to deal with her? Only you can decide that.

Post # 15
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You don’t have to, but you should expect backlash from that decision. It is rude to not send the invitation after a std has been sent. If she’s your step-sister, the step-parent may wonder why their kid wasn’t invited as well, and she probably will know it’s happening. Your call, but her problems existed when you were sending save the dates. You probably should have just not sent her one in the first place.

Post # 16
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You have to invite her but….you could send it about 1 week before the wedding and hope she doesnt come.

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