Post # 1
Just curious bees. I was in a friend’s wedding recently (about 2 months ago) and I did not ask her to be a BM in my wedding. Honestly, we got engaged within months of each other and I had picked out my bridal party by the time she asked me.
We really only wanted 4 BMs and 4 GMs, and while I am friends with her, I am not super close (see her maybe 5-6 times a year at this point). My bridal party is my sister, FI’s sister, my best friend since I was 3 and another really good friend (I see her 3-4 times a week).
I met the other friend through my last job and got along well, but never really hung out too much outside of work. I really like her, but honeslty didn’t think of her immediately when I was selecting my bridal party.
She hasn’t said anything, but I kind of get the sense that she was a little hurt that I didn’t ask her to be in my bridal party. I invited her and her husband to the wedding of course, but was a I wrong for not asking her to stand up in my wedding?
Just curious on other bee’s thoughts.
Post # 3
@bmo88: Nope! No reciprocity should be expected.
Post # 5
@love108: I didn’t think I needed to, but wasn’t sure if there was an etiquette around it. Thanks for the input!
Post # 7
@bmo88: Nope, there is no such rule. But I’m not surprised if she is hurt. It’s got to sting a little. She clearly thought more of you to make you a part of hers. Could you ask her if she would like to do a reading? This would make her feel included but still let you keep the bridal party you wanted.
Post # 8
My mom thought my older sister should be a BM in my wedding becuase I had been a FLOWER GIRL in her’s 13 years earlier…
It isn’t a requirement. I don’t expect to be in my SIL’s wedding, if she gets married, and while I hope that my younger sister would have me in her wedding (she’s not engaged or anything), it’s her decision, and I’d respect that.
I could understand why she may be hurt, but hopefully she still shows up to your wedding and is supportive!
Post # 9
@SmthngBlu8: I think that might be a good idea. I will ask her. It’s hard because I was genuinely surprised to be asked to be in her wedding. Of course I was happy to be a BM, but I didn’t expect it or anything since we were mostly co-workers before.
Post # 10
It’s nice to reciprocate, but there’s no etiquette rule that says you have to.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I still am in awe of the fact people actually want to be in someone’s wedding. I was in one of my absolutely closest friends’ and my sisters and they were SO much work and money. I would NEVER be offended if someone didn’t ask me to be in a wedding! I’d be like HALLELUAH!!
Post # 12
Out of my 3 BMs who have gotten married/are getting married, I was in none of their weddings (although all 3 have dicussed regret about it after-the-fact, lol). It didn’t matter to me.
Post # 13
@bmo88: I think a lot depends on the size of the bridal party. Some women have 10 BMs, that’d be so much easier than having to narrow it down to a small number. If she had a massive bridal party and you only have 4 it’d be easy to explain. I’d go out to dinner with her and tell her how much you wish she could be in your bridal party but that those 2 spots were taken by family and the other two by long-term friends (if you’ve been in either of their weddings before bonus points). I wouldn’t ignore the situation, if she’s showing you she’s unhappy better to talk it out and move on.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I agree that a lot of it depends on the size of the bridal party, but I wouldn’t address it. Saying something like “i wish you could be in it, but we didn’t have the space” is even worse than leaving it alone IMO, because if you wanted her to be in it, she would have been. Just try your best to be a good bridesmaid to her.
Post # 16
No, you don’t need to reciprocate the BP inclusion. Different couples have different family obligations, different wedding sizes & budgets, different expectations for their day. One of my BMs is dating a guy with like 4 sisters, and I’m sure she has cousins and childhood friends to pick from as well, so I’d totally understand if I wasn’t her BM.