(Closed) "If you can make it"

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I mean they’re entitled to have whatever celebration they want. You declined the baptism party and it’s after the baptism, so it’s not affecting your plans, right? You can decide whether to go or not. Maybe I’m missing the point but I don’t quite see the issue?

Post # 3
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yeah I definitely think they got their little thinking hats on and were like “let’s call this a joint birthday celebration so we get to have the grandson for the baptism celebration”. 

 

You betcha there will be baptism presents.

Also putting you in the hard place if rejecting this fabulous multiple birthday occasion. 

 

If you think it’s gonna affect the other set of family I think you can easily decline saying you will spend the afternoon with your son following the baptism just having family time just the three of you. 

Post # 4
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

annelise210516 :  oh riiiight. I was missing something! Still, it gives you an excuse for a party, right? 

Post # 5
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Given they’ll all be at the baptism what would happen would be the idea for you all to leave together with that side of the family right? Clearly appearing to the other side like you’re going off to celebrate without them.

Post # 6
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I mean there’s no proof of this, so it’s hard to say whether that kind of suspicion is pure paranoia but I wouldn’t put this kind of behaviour past some families. 

Post # 7
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

nonablu :  I didn’t get the impression she wants to use the excuse for a party (if it is indeed an excuse to celebrate the baptism and not just genuinely all about the birthday people) – OP seems concerned about fairness towards both families.

Post # 8
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

to be honest if someone pulled this passive agressive move then as another guest I would obviously choose the baptism and as hos id ignore them… THEY will miss out and look petty

also, ask them how they will explain to your son why they choose to have a random made up birthday party instead of celebrating his once in a lifetime event

but really the OP should host an event yourself… hire a hall or room near the church (many places have them free) get a cake put on a little buffet your son kind of diserves are party to mark this one time event and that way neither family are ‘picked’ over the other

Post # 9
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

btob17 : I don’t think the problem is that nobody is going to attend the baptism? Maybe I understood wrong but it read it as everyone will attend the baptism and then because OP turned down attending or hosting a baptism celebration at all afterwards because it wouldn’t be fair to go to one side of family and it’s too much for them to have a joint party, one side of the family has now decided to host a party right after the baptism anyway under the guise that it’s not a baptism party – possibly as a trick to get their way about a family celebration for the baptism, the end result being the same that the other side of family gets snubbed of grandson time after the baptism.

Maybe I’m just cycling in the dark here!

Post # 10
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Yes the more I think about this the weirder it is – they’re celebrating everyone’s birthday? What? Maybe you could just tell them you’re going to be having some time with your husband and son after the baptism. Or if you do want a party of some sort it doesn’t have to be expensive, it could just be an afternoon tea at the church afterwards or something.

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

annelise210516 :  Yep that’s what I understood! They want to find a way to have a baptism party haha. They could have been a bit more sneaky about it, not like ‘IT’S ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE’S BIRTHDAY’ lol. 

Post # 12
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

nonablu :  unless they normally do it that way it definitely sounds very odd? All of their birthdays surely can’t fall that close together???

Post # 13
Member
9034 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

annelise210516 :  

nonablu :  or they decided since the OP wasn’t going to host something, which where I am would be considered a very rude thing to do, that they would host something and provide hospitality to the guests who come on out to support the OP’s family. 

I don’t think it is passive aggressive more doing the right thing because the OP has decided to shirk the responsibility of hosting her guests. 

 

Post # 14
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know it could be annoying since you’ve already turned down a party. But if most of the family has already committed to getting together earlier in the day, it may just be convenient for them to all celebrate the other events right after since the day is kind of shot anyway. I know in my husbands family, getting people to coordinate is like pulling teeth. Only you know if this is passive aggressive, or just convenient for the family.

Post # 15
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are there people coming in from out of town for this? I’m sure your in laws find it strange/rude that you’ve sent out invitations for a baptism but have no plans to get everyone together for some cake afterwards to thank them for coming. If all of those family members are going to be together in one place, it’s no wonder that they want to have a get together after the baptism, even if you have no intention of hosting your guests. 

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