If you can’t afford a gift stay home!

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: How do you feel about guests that can't afford to bring a gift?
    They should stay home. The couple will understand. : (17 votes)
    3 %
    They should at least bring a card. : (204 votes)
    41 %
    I invited them to celebrate my marriage not bring me gifts. : (276 votes)
    55 %
    other : (6 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t think gifts are necessary. I think it is selfish and tasteless to throw a fit if someone can’t bring one, especially if they can’t afford to.It should be their presence that is expected, not what they can bring and offer up.

    Sent from my Android

    Post # 4
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    WHAT!?  I want them there for their company, not for their gift.  People (that think like that- that people HAVE to bring a nice gift) never cease to amaze me.  Gifts are great, but good people are better.

    Post # 5
    Member
    689 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    The only exception I see to this is if they cannot afford to get to the wedding (if they are from out of town) but if I knew this was the case as the bride I would make it happen-somehow. (And the first thing I would say is NO GIFT!)

    Post # 6
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I appreciate anyone giving a gift, but I’m not expecting them! I’m inviting people because I want them to come, not because of gifts!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I also don’t think gifts are necessary, BUT I think cards are.  I think it’s so easy to pick up an inexpensive card, or make one at home, and write a few sentences experessing your well wishes.  It just shows the couple that even though you can’t afford a gift, you at least thought of them, and are acknowledging the significance of their major life event.  Even still, their will be people who can’t even be bothered to do this.  At my own wedding, we had about half a dozen people who didn’t, and honestly, it really hurt my feelings that they couldn’t even write us a card saying congrats. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I would’ve been heartbroken if a guest told me the reason they declined to attend was because they couldn’t afford a gift. The best part of the wedding was having everyone there with us.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I voted other. My family is so huge that in a sense I’d be hurt if certain ones didn’t give gifts, BUT NOT because I expect them, more because I know what they gave my cousins and I’d feel slighted if there was such a huge difference. But for someone who couldn’t afford a gift (or if these particular family members fall on hard times before the wedding), I would definitely want them to come empty handed rather than not at all! I wouldn’t invite them if I didn’t want them there, I didn’t invite anyone for the gifts.

    From a guest’s point of view though, cards are super cheap- you can make one with a pen and a blank sheet of paper if you can’t afford a 99cent hallmark card, so I don’t think there’s a reason for a guest to not at least give a card.

    Post # 10
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @MissCallieJean:  Fell on hard times vs. not bringing a gift are two completely different things. No one plans a wedding with the sole expectation of receiving gifts, it’s obviously a celebration of love and your new union. But at the same time, a gift is a sign of one’s appreciation and love and affection for someone. If a friend really did “fall on hard times” then you would be a jerk to expect a gift, but if a  friend that you go out with all the time fails to give you a gift after attending your wedding, then that’s rude.

    I’m pretty sure you’re aware of who is seriously in financial dire straits on your guest list and who is doing just fine.

    People often use the excuse of being broke for not being able to do things for others, yet these are the same folks who shop excessively, spend tons on entertainment/eating out/movies, etc… If you can’t curb your enthusiasm for spending on yourself long enough to get someone a gift to commemorate such a special occassion, that’s unacceptable. When i said “stay home” i meant in that case. Not in the case where your friend is starving and can’t make rent… Come on now MissCallieJean, let’s be a realistic.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think one should bring a card. And I would be disappointed if NO one brought gifts. But I know I have some broke college friends who may be going in with people on a $10 towel, so I also get being really really poor.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Heidigm221: I have to say, I didn’t know what this thread was a spinoff from but your post made me go and look out of curiosity, Your post on the other thread comes off very differently that you say here on this thread. If you’re that down and out, stay home… so if you’re so poor that you really are having trouble putting food on the table, then stay home? That’s the impression I got, whether you meant it that way or not. As someone who IS currently struggling to pay rent and feed myself, yes, it is impossible for me to put $5 aside per week toward a gift. If any of my friends feel that they would want me to stay at home for their wedding simply because I can’t afford a gift, I certainly hope I can find that out soon because I do not want to be friends with someone that feels that way.

    Post # 13
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Where I’m getting married gifts aren’t usually given, so I’m not expecting to get anything except for maybe some monetary gift from family.  🙂  I invited them to have a good time and celebrate our wedding… not for gifts.

    Post # 14
    Member
    441 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wasn’t upset when a few people didn’t bring a gift. I knew their funds were tight. I just wanted to celebrate with the people that mean a lot of me. I was shocked when those that traveled a great distance to celebrate our wedding with us (speaking of 90% of our attendees) went above and beyond and spoiled us with several gifts. I thought it was thoughtful of them. But all in all, I love those friends as much as the ones that didn’t bring a gift. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @galloway111: thats why i posted a second time on the previous post and then came on here to clarify.  Not sure if you were able to read it. Sorry if it came off brazen. As i said in the other post, there’s a difference between someone who’s “broke” because they can’t stop from being selfish, and someone who really is on hard times.

    We have a friend who has 3 kids and he and his wife are currently unemployed, we specifically told them not to bring us a gift, that their presence was all we needed.
    However, we have another friend who didn’t so much as give us a card, and financially they are very secure. that is what i was referring to.

     

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    and again, i’m from the school of you bring a loaf of bread to a dinner party if you’re invited and that’s all you can afford. It makes people feel good when you aknowledge a huge event in their lives.

    Do you visit a friend who’s just had a newborn baby without a little trinket for them?
    Do you attend a child’s first birthday without a small token?
    Do you go out to dinner with your friend on their birthday and expect them to pay for you?

    I’m just a little confused as to why it seems to be ok to attend a wedding without a gift. Of course, nothing in life is required! People can do as they please!

     

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