(Closed) If you can’t afford a gift stay home!

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: How do you feel about guests that can't afford to bring a gift?
    They should stay home. The couple will understand. : (17 votes)
    3 %
    They should at least bring a card. : (204 votes)
    41 %
    I invited them to celebrate my marriage not bring me gifts. : (276 votes)
    55 %
    other : (6 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 17
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I am in the camp where if YOU are throwing a party, you expect nothing in return.  That is how I was raised.

    Post # 18
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @cbee: Good! Different opinions make the world go ’round 🙂

    Post # 19
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think your first post came off pretty harsh, but I can sort of understand your point. If someone is spending like crazy on themselves but can’t bother to set aside some money for a friend, yes I’d say that’s rude, but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. I still think your original post on the other thread comes off as, if you’re too poor to afford a gift, don’t go… I guess it’s the line about “if you’re that down and out,” implying that if you’re truly THAT poor don’t go. I think you were making a different point than your post implied, but please try to understand how it can really hit the nerve of someone who has skipped meals from lack of money.

    Post # 20
    5656 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think it’s kind of rude not to even bring a card (seriously, it takes 15 minutes and $6 to buy a card from Hallmark and sign your name on it, least you could do to show support for the couple), I certainly would never go to a wedding without at least that. That said, gifts are not a requirement of going to a wedding.

    @Heidigm221: I agree.

    Post # 21
    5667 posts
    Bee Keeper

    While I don’t expect gifts from any of my guests I feel a card is mandatory. If you can’t be bothered to jot down some well wishes then your probably shouldn’t bother coming to the wedidng.

    Post # 22
    949 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My (potentially a little odd) feeling is that if someone can’t afford a gift, that is absolutely fine by me, but also that if it’s a huge economic imposition on them to get there, I would rather they stayed home and were not stressed by travel costs than be there and be in difficulty. I have no intention of expecting gifts at all, so I did vote for the third option.

    Post # 23
    7605 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I personally can’t imagine attending a wedding and not bringing a gift and a card.  However, I understand that it’s not a requirement and don’t expect every single person at our upcoming wedding to bring something for us, though I know most will.

    That being said, I RSVP’d no to a wedding last summer because we couldn’t afford to attend; I gave a different reason to the bride and groom.  It was Out of Town on a Friday (which would mean taking a day off work, 2 tanks of gas & a hotel room), and we had just bought our house.  I was not close to the couple (I’d seen the bride once in 3 years after knowing her only through a few months of university and I’d never met the groom; my Fiance had never met either of them).

    Post # 24
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Heidigm221: I didn’t see your other post, but here you very well echoed my line of thinking. I was raised that you do not attend a gift giiving occaision without bringing a giift. It’s how my family is, and most of my circle of friends.

    Of course, I wanted everyone I invited to attend my wedding. Gift or no. I also know not everyone feels the same way I do about this. I had a few out of town cousins come who I knew just attending was a strain on them financially. We did not recieve, or expect, gifts from them.

    There are others though, who had they not given us something I would have raised an eyebrow. Especially since they were the ones leaving with 2 centerpieces, and 4 or 5 cupcakes stuffed in their purses. Seriously, it was a free for all at the end of the night.




    Post # 25
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    That is incredibly rude. Why even invite them in the first place if you as the host are going to put regulations and restrictons on attendance? Yoou’re best off to not invite anyone if that is the case. A gift has never been a requirement to attend a wedding, despite how much some people wish it was. If the couple can’t accept that, then it’s their loss. It’s becoming a sad world when people think that they can act like this (getting upset since someone can’t afford something in this economy) and no one will care or be offended by it.

    As a guest, if you can’t afford a gift at all (you have up to a year after the wedding to send one per proper etiquette, but many people think that rule does not apply to them or anyone else), then you take a card with you. No one needs to know what you brought or didn’t bring, and it’s no one’s business to ask about it.

    Post # 26
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I don’t think people should be invited for their gifts. I will say, I generally think a card (or even a hand-written note) is a good gesture in the person’s favor. If you really can’t afford to give a gift, I do feel that you can at least do that.

    I hope no one would decline our invite just because they don’t think they can afford to buy off the registry or something! Heck, buy me a spoon if it makes you feel better, but it’s not necessary.

    Post # 27
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @Juliepants:  I agree with this.  I would never attend a wedding and not bring a gift (or send a gift), but get that it’s not a requirement.

    Every wedding I’ve attended as an adult has been for someone I care about…so I want to mark the occasion by giving the couple a gift.  If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t go. It wasn’t because I *had* to, which isn’t the point of a present IMO.  The struggle is realizing that not everyone thinks that way.  So, when friends and family don’t give a present (or card) at an event like a wedding (especially when the custom is to give gifts) my feelings are hurt- not because of the lack of material stuff, but because of what I would see as lack of thought or care. That’s my issue to deal with; not theirs, to be honest.  I would be horrified if someone didn’t want to or couldn’t afford a gift and decided to decline based on that.  


    Post # 28
    276 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think a card is nessesary. It says “I though of you on your day” No card makes it look like you just showed up for the food and drink.

    Post # 29
    573 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think that showing up without a card is tasteless and rude. Period.

    Post # 30
    7776 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I agree that a gift is not mandatory, but a card it. Bringing at least a card is just common courtesy.

    You are inviting them to your wedding, you shouldn’t expect a gift. Period. None of this “covering their plate” BS either.

    Post # 31
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t like the entitlement factor that surrounds many weddings, but honestly you should attempt to bring something, even if it’s just a card, candle or $20 bottle of wine. I won’t even go to a dinner party without at least dessert or something that says “Thank you for inviting me”.

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